Quote:
Originally Posted by cec  The other thing is that I have been treated so bad from basically birth (I was a neglected infant) till well into adulthood, that I don't feel I'm anything but how others have treated me. I try to tell myself this is not true, but emotionally it is true. If today someone physically, emotionally, or sexually abused me, then, to me, they would see me as I really am---I know no other sense of my-self. What I understand and feel are incongruent.
Sorry, I'm just very confused and angry --I don't know who the real me is and I hate the one that I am. |
I can so empathize. I was mistreated as a child and feel that because of that, who I am now is simply a manifestation of how I was treated and therefore was never able to "develop" a sense of real self. Everything that I've done in my life is simply an "arm" of that abuse since the abuse was the body of my foundation.
It is something that I struggle with and something that I've told my therapist about and he and I are going to work on it. I'm not sure how I will get past this thinking and so I have very little to offer on the topic, but I did want you to know that I understand how you are feeling.
Best,
Rachel