It's only been in the last year that I've even realized that I dissociate. There's so much about it that I don't understand and it really frightens me.

I have times when I just kind of space out. That's not so bad unless someone is trying to have a conversation with me. Very often I find myself sort of just picking up on just snippets, words or phrases of what someone is saying and then stumbling to find something to say that doesn't give away the fact that I have no idea what they've just said to me. It really does feel like an ADHD sort of thing because not matter how hard I try I can't really focus on the conversation.

I have other times when things seem so thick and foggy. I feel like I'm in a daze...I know where I'm at but I'm not sure why or I'm not sure what I want to do next or where I want to go next. It can be for a few minutes or for days at a time. Again, I'm really struggling to focus on what is going on around me but it is much more frightening because everything seems so slowed down. My head will feel fuzzy and I just can't shake it. I'm starting to get better at being able to say to someone that this is how I'm feeling even when it is happening. When it goes on for days at a time I start to have trouble telling the difference between things that really happened or if it was just something that I dreamed.

I wrote this and then re-read. My first thought was that I sound like some sort of freak but I'm going to hurry and click the post button before I erase it.