because I read that and think WTF was I talking about. Sometimes I try to over think things instead of just going with what I'm feeling and then it doesn't make sense. I had an appointment with my trauma therapist yesterday (I've only been going to him for about 4 weeks, but my traumas are all very old) and he pointed out that I repeatedly ask him if I'm making sense. He said that I make perfect sense and that it's just my negative self-talk that makes me question it. I tried explaining that I generally ask because a lot of what I talk about doesn't make sense in my own head. Anyone else have any experience with this?

He also talked to me for awhile about and gave me some good information on grounding techniques to use when I feel like I'm disconnecting from what's going on around me. I'm kind of hopeful about finding one that works for me and really can't wait to try it out (that sounds kind of weird to me, but true). The disconnecting frightens the hell out of me.

I think my big thing right now is there are so many things that I know I need help sorting out or that I want to get out of my head but I don't necessarily feel safe confiding too much in him since I haven't been going to him for very long. I think I made some progress yesterday. I'd had this sexual experience with my husband last weekend that was really bothering me (nothing he did, the way I reacted and felt about it afterward). I was really beating up on myself about it and knew that I needed help with it but the idea of talking to my therapist about it was freaking me out. I wrote it down so that maybe I could just read it to him (kind of on auto-pilot without really having to think about it). I wasn't able to do that but towards the end of my appointment when my therapist asked if there was something else I really wanted to talk about (he said I looked like I had been fighting back tears for an hour) I was able to just give him the piece of paper to read himself (I had considered that before the appointment but didn't think I could do that either). I'm still upset about the incident from the weekend but feel a bit better that I was able to share it with my therapist. If nothing else, I think he now has a better idea of the kind of crap that is in my head and the stuff that I'm needing help with. The whole thing (incident from the weekend, sharing it with my therapist) makes me physically sick to my stomach. This morning there's part of me that is freaking about because I shared something so intimate and personal. I almost feel like I gave away a piece of myself by letting my therapist know what kind of thoughts are in my head. But I just keep telling myself it's for the greater good...hopefully a first step towards being able to work with this therapist and find a better place (mentally) for myself.

Anyone have any advice on how to get past the mental battle of wanting help but being scared to share the stuff in their head? Am I the only one that feels like I give a piece of myself away when I share the thoughts and feelings that I've been guarding so closely?

To anyone still reading--thanks for sticking it out through my rambling.

Crissy