Before I was diagnosed with PTSD, I always assumed that all of the bad things that happened to me was, somehow, my fault.

While I was in therapy, and as I worked through my issues, I realized that I was just an innocent child, and it wasn't my fault. That's when my guilt turned to anger.

I prefer the anger to the guilt. With guilt, I hated myself. With anger, I despise the people who wronged me.

There are problems with finding your anger, too. For one thing, if you don't have a constructive way to deal with that anger, it's going to eat at you, from the inside. It will make you physically ill. With little or no warning, Anger will rear it's ugly head, and lash out at those around you. It makes you feel out of control and can put you into a tailspin.

One of the best ways I found to deal with my anger, was a self-defense class. It helped me realize how powerful I can be. To graduate from the class, we had to fight our way past an "attacker". When it was my turn, I called up all of my anger. Within 28 seconds, I had bitten a chunk out of the guy's foam boxing mask, and broken his nose (through a hockey mask). It felt really good to fully unleash my anger. It also felt really scary, like a powerful force that's difficult to control.

My point is, Anger is a slippery bugger. It's powerful and hard to control and discriminates against no one. Once you've found your anger, it's difficult to release it, especially in a constructive way.

Anger, I think, is necessary in our healing process. The challenge, once you've found that anger, is to get past it. That's the part I'm stuck on.