My anger often comes from out of nowhere. Even mild frustrations can set me off. If my kids start acting up, I'm usually the one who has the biggest tantrum. Afterwards, I always feel weird, all tingly and shaky. I end up giving myself a time out, and just chill out alone until I feel calmed down. When it's all over, I'm left feeling drained.

It also makes me feel like a major bitch. My kids are incredibly well-behaved, everybody says so, so why would I yell at them, like that? It reminds me of my mother, and I want to be the opposite of her, not turn into her. I always apologize to them, afterwards, and try to explain to them that it's me, not them. I hope they understand. The last thing I would ever want to do is traumatize my children.

At times, my rage becomes such that all I can do is growl and scream. When I feel a major meltdown coming on, I try to hold it all in, until everybody goes to sleep. Then, I go out to the garage, and sit in the car, with the windows up, and yell and scream and sob, until it's purged from my system.