Purely by accident I stummbled apon the site and I just have to say how greatful I am. Carefully reading all of your posts I actaully felt reassued knowing that you 2 know the war that I'm in with myself. Over the years my PTSD has affected my socialation in many differect ways.
Since my early adolesence I've protected my secret suffering with my life, and worked hard to project "normal", "successful" and "confident". Just like an actress when forced to be with people I play the role. It is so mentally draining, I get worn out just thinking about being with people. Not to mention that I can just spontaneously start to sweat from the overwhelming aniexty. I too hate having people over and for a long while I lived like a total slob, in some twisted way I felt protected from having to have people in my house, or justified in not leaving the house because I needed to have a shower. I almost never answer the phone unless I know in advance your calling or I know you will just keep calling and calling me. I've even laid on the floor of my house to avoid friends who had dropped by for an unanounced visit. I don't like to visit other homes but prefer that to you being in my home (at least I can control when I leave) Although I'm often well liked by co-workers I never establish intimate relationships with anyone, in fact I've shared more in this post than I have in the last 10 years about my struggles.
I'm not sure if my home is my Sancutary or my PRISON!!