Hi Moey, know exactly what your talking about when you say "Lost, but Alive." That's me too, all the way. I too had a violent, dad. He was alcoholic. The terror and abuse was more than my mind could stand. Never had an opportunity to discuss it with anyone until app. 20 yrs. later. At which point I didn't know which trauma to tackle. Don't think I've ever talked about it. Certainly have re-lived it time and again. Hope you find all you hope for and far more here, for all your PTSD.