Anita - i can relate, a little bit, to your story. My (now ex) boyfriend was in Iraq during for 15 months and I definitely think it changed him as well - how could it not? that war is one gruesome experience going on over there, and those in battle have a long road of healing ahead. I'm so sorry to hear bout his TBI and PTSD. I'm curious - how/is was TBI diagnosed? I would like to learn more about that.
As far as the military taking care of him and you, that's definitely a sore subject for many people - the military is NOT taking very good care of the vets, but what's new.. this has been the story for years. Again, I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with that.

Question - are you getting counseling for yourself? I would suggest counseling but I personally prefer help outside the military, though the military does have some resources.
My guess is that if you are not seeking care for yourself you ought to think about it quite seriously. You deserve it as much as him and it will help you to make decisions and manage your life, and regarding the changes in your husband.

take care!
SK