For a long time, I couldn't cry. As a victim of domestic abuse, crying only made the beatings worse, as I was only trying to get attention... The 3 years after the most severe trauma, I could not cry, not even during a tear jerker movie. I was emotionally numb, shut off.

Nowadays, since beginning therapy 8-9 months ago, in extreme anxiety I will cry silently because I do not want to distress my children and my partner. I cannot function when drawn to tears because it takes a toll on me and doesn't let go, like everything hits me at once, and I'll curl up into a ball and cry for hours. I can't breath when I cry, almost like my throat is being pressed on and my chest feels heavy.. and I can't have an audience, it only makes me feel embarrassed and vulnerable. So I cry alone.