I have an episode where I go numb and emotionless and I just don't feel anything toward people that I love. I went numb a couple of weeks ago and wanted to be alone because something really sparked my PTSD. My boyfriend was there and I just wanted to end it with him. I just didn't want him to see me like that but at the moment, most of all, I just did not want to depend on anyone else. I did not trust that he would be there for me or still love me. I came out of the episode and felt such intense guilt within a bit and cried to him. I felt like such a burden to him. I felt so guilty for hurting him for just being numb. It is like I can see myself doing the numb thing when I am in that moment and I see the effect it has on people but I can't stop it. I am getting better at controlling it but when I am in that place, I feel as though I could be alone forever and be fine with it. I am rambling but yes the guilt is with me every day. I am more to deal with than someone who does not have PTSD and I feel a burden and guilt over how I can behave.