In the past, particularly before a correct dx, I felt very guilty for my behavior. I thought it was simply because I was a slime-filled, undisciplined, anti-social, self-indulgent horror.

Luckily, I went through a 12-step process and made amends for the behaviors, and now that I know what's really wrong, I feel less guilt and don't ruminate over all the damage to others (although I still am working on the regret/loss of all the years/time/opportunities, etc).

I have to take responsibility for my behaviors, sure, and I feel sad that I respond the way I do at times, but...not guilty so much anymore.

I very much related to Inicho7's post....way back when, before I received this dx (so didn't know what was wrong and hadn't done any work on it directly), I used to get triggered and "disappear" for days and days, sometimes up to a week or more. My partner would say she could look in my eyes and just nobody was there. I was completely shut down, remote, removed. Nothing could reach or touch me, and I so strongly resonated with, "when I am in that place, I feel as though I could be alone forever and be fine with it". Strange as it may seem, that shut down, removed state certainly was a break for me, albeit an involuntary one, from the day-to-day struggle that I lived back then.

-Dylan