I was born 10 weeks premature and stayed in hospital for 5 months. During this time I was not allowed to come out of my incubator so physical contact was limited. I am sure that this has an impact on our developing brain. I spent from 4-10 being shared among a pedophile ring run by my father. My mother knew about this without helping me. I since have developed C PTSD. My main triggers are being locked in a cupboard.As a child I craved for the attention from my mother but as an adult I crave the solitude of being alone. I have trust issues and my T said I have developed a distorted view of life (understandably)
I struggle to interpret emotions, I have never been able to get angry. My T pushed me for 3 hours to help me to feel it but it has never happened. My life revolves around dissociation and trying to act as normal as the rest of the world.
This does sound hard but it is all I know so what you don't have you don't miss.
I have mastered being able to let a massage therapist give me a massage .This has taken me 12 months but I am learning to allow myself something pleasant.( and touch really is pleasant i am beginning to find out)
This makes me sound like a freak but I am all I have and it will have to be good enough.
Anyway be kind to yourself.
Robbed