This is not an direct answer to your question, but inspired by your post.

My story from an Non-abusive childhood that I belive made me vulnerable for some situations.

I find my self with an very strong tendency to not "take up space" or "making any marks" unless it is explicitly handed to me, and that haven't changed over my 50 years of life. Going through school, beeing a teen, military training, university, working, competing in my profession, a few not so long intimate relationships and its basically the same. It's like being "a leaf in the wind". This together with strong mechanisms of avoidens of "uncertain" personal human interactions.

For example, visiting good friends, and just trying to break my habbit of doing everything on my own, asking them if it was possible that for practical reasons stay an extra night, brings me to the brink of "unconsiousness" and hulking and crying, although I could without problems solved the practicalities otherwise.

My situation in early life was that my mother was really sick and weak with an at that point untreatable heartcondition, when i was concieved. Everyone exept her, wanted her to have an abortion, including treating doctors, and she was immidiatly sterilized after recovering. She was the light in my fathers life, he was as I understand it both ashamed and regretful for making her pregnant because of her condition.

There was no "directed mistreatment" of me as far as I know, but my mother was slowly detoriating and in big need of care until she died when I was ten. She was blue, tired and fingers and toes stiff and i the end close to gangrene(?). My father was never emotionally present for me and when mother died he went deep into himself for some years. We lived on a farm pretty isolated and I had two much older brothers that wasn't home regulary

I could never talk to my father about our lifes, once I really insisted and he shrunk like I was beating him and he didn't volonteer anything,everything had to be pulled out of him.

This somehow has made me vulnerabel in a way that makes it possible to relate to many experiences that are shared here, although my story is very different.

Today Im working halftime and going theraphy, learning to accept who I am, and to feel who I am, to learn to respect my specific needs, and to somehow find ways to relate from there is my hope and longing now. It's like most of my resources doesn't come to use because I still can't accept and handle my needs. I can't really accept that i have needs, the way what i've been doing is to try to do what others do, expect me to do or to hide away.

/Freddy