Sitting at work I am trying to get a handle on how to deal with all these feelings. It is so hard to cope while at work. I got people all around me that just annoy the ever living sh** out of me. I hear a voice and it makes me cringe. One of my first loves in life was computers; it started with an old and outdated commodore. I now find myself dreading to do any thing relating to computers or the people around me. I can’t blame the people around me for my feelings and I kind of regret the fact now that I have always been a person that they could talk to. I just want to be left alone, How can I even start to tell or relate the feelings that I have with co-workers and employee’s. Do I even attempt to do a bare-all email or should I sit here and try to stomach the fact that they make me sick?

There is also one person in particular that even the mention of her name or hearing her voice sends me right to the edge. I have had to deal with incompetent people before in my life but this one takes the cake. She has no clue in regards to her job yet they still keep her on. I hate to focus on one person but I just can’t help it. There has never been a single redeeming quality about this person that I have found yet. Voice is shrilly, thoughts border idiocy, body by Twinkie, blames other’s for her faults. I have had the personal pleasure of being a target of this stooge once before. I am a DBA, before my deployment I had initiated a backup of the database every night on separate media and also included off site storage. While I was gone they tried to upgrade the Server (with a whopping 200MHZ, That isn’t enough to see an increase in home computing but yet they thought it would help on a mission critical database) with a system they found in the warehouse. Well it was in storage because it wasn’t under warranty! It is also not compatible with the tape backup system. Needless to say it had a major blowout. One of the Drive Arrays went and corrupted the data across the whole server. If it wasn’t for luck of me backing up the database a week prior we would have lost ALL information spanning a period of 16 months. A day after that happened she had the Gaul to come up to me and say “so I heard you broke the database” I FLIPPED! I stood up, walked right over to her and got in her face and told her what I thought of her. I even remember being so enraged that I had spittle coming out of my mouth and landing on her. This happened early in the morning before work even opened. Is it normal to still harbor feelings of wanting to convey physically how much she set me off? It has been about 5 months since the incident.

I hope that I don’t offend anyone here with my descriptions. I just worry that if I don’t write the complete truth that it is not going to help me or help you understand.