Y'know, I voted hypervigilance, but as I thought more about it, it's really something else related to hypervigilance. I don't know that it has a name. If anyone knows the name, I'd love to have it defined...

I don't think this would really be called disocciating/ depersonalization, but on the heels of hypervigilance is this sense of being frozen in time - no past, no future, and I'm always slightly blank, slightly removed/pulled back, not really engaged and "in my body". Although, I'm not hovering outside of it, either. I'm....nowhere. I don't exist.

It doesn't have the fuzziness or dreaminess of disocciation so I'm not sure what to call it. It's similar to what I've seen birds of prey do when they're sort of hovering in the air, staying in one spot. I never land (at least not without the grounding practices, and even then, I almost immediately return to my default position of....being nothing, nowhere).

It's like my body is just a place holder, but I'm not here. Probably some part of me is eternally waiting for the perceived (or even just potential) danger to pass so that I can relax and land. Only, it never does, so I never do.

-Dylan