I have only recently learned to find the triggers (relationship difficulties, work or lack of). Sometimes it is hit and miss, can't be perfect can we? Anger, frustration brings it on sometimes. As you said Alcohol is a depressant, I was counting on it, something to dull what I was feeling, anything, for a brief reprieve, I used to jog, cycle, feel the wind burn my face on a warm day. I can walk which makes me grateful everyday. My youth could not save me in the end so I had to settle for fortitude, it is what saves me today, so again, I am grateful...but I wish to feel what I used to feel. My therapist tells me that I have a wonderful opportunity to see life differently, and it will not always be beautiful or as peaceful as those days I used to have. She said the future is there for a reason, to move in a different direction, the lucky ones are the ones who recognize it, even with two "good" legs