My list... At least what pill bottles I could find empty around the home and some still full from the last year and a half. Can not find them all and this is not a complete list from over the years. This also does not include medications from ER trips or what was given to me in ER via IVs.

This is one round I was given by a shrink who asked no questions or had me fill out forms beyond address and insurance info. Well, he did ask me why I came. I said I cannot control panic attacks. They were driving me crazy and I could not think straight. He did not know I was home bound, had nightmares, intrusive thoughts, suicidal, he did know I drank to put myself to sleep as he did ask about alcohol consumption, nor any fears or other symptoms associated with PTSD, or my history. He did not ask, and I did not just give it to him. I Just wanted these new stronger panic attacks that triggered the next to go away. My general practitioner told me that this was a regimen for bi-polar. Which I am not. It did stop those attacks at the time though. I went on that day of tapering to get off, one at a time as I was being treated for something I do not have.

• Ativan - 2mg 3x a day = 6mg daily
• Paxil - 20mg 1x a day
• Neurontin - 300 mg 3x a day = 900mg daily

The other drug of choice, by my GP who went back to treating it as he knew bi polar was not the issue either... Xanax. This just kept getting built up in my system and did bring relief again to the attacks. Still getting mixed with alcohol. He later added Buspar to the mix it was not original. After that time he started to figure out there was more to it as this still did not control after time. Suggested female shrink. Leads me to believe he knew at this point what he was dealing with but not one to diagnose. He was later relieved to see me getting diagnosed and being treated "properly". Second list was for severe muscle pains. I did not take second list as I felt it was unsafe to combine. Alcohol was removed during this as I saw the negative effects.

• Xanax - Starting point 1.5 mg 3x a day = 4.5 daily - built up to 3mg 3x a day and 1mg when awoke in panic from nightmares = 10 mg daily
• Buspar - 10 mg 3x a day = 30 mg a day (cannot remember starting dose, it was built up to this)

• Darvon - 65mg 1 or 2 capsules every 4 hours as needed
• Relafen - 500mg 2x a day = 1000mg daily

Enter PTSD diagnosis. I was taken off Xanax, except for .5 or 1 mg, can't recall. I was placed on this next list as a result and ended up back in ER a couple times and as ill as I have ever been in my life. She did though spend an hour at a time with me and asked every question she could pull in my opinion. She did not hold back and pulled it all out. New regimen... Resulted in extreme not even being a word close enough to describe the sickness and effects of this sudden switch and a couple hospital stays.

• Xanax - .5 or 1mg a day at least a couple hours after Clonazepam drug "if needed"
• Buspar - 10 mg 3x a day = 30 mg
• Clonazepam - 2mg 1x at night
• Effxor - 37.5mg to start a day (did not go beyond initial dose before hospitalized)

Her new regimen - Which had serious withdrawals off of Xanax. And I sought out on my own at that point a therapist for weekly CBT to treat PTSD and addiction and following that found this site to further help. Meditation and relaxing tecniques. Aroma therapy. Also, back to simple chamomile and spearmint teas to ease withdrawals. CBT handbook Feeling Good. Some deep soul searching.

• Xanax - 2 mg 3x a day = 6 mg daily
• Buspar - 10 mg 3x a day = 30 mg daily
• Zoloft - 25 mg a day increased to 100mg a day

The above list... I quit the Buspar cold turkey with no ill effects at all. Did nothing except add drowsiness while taking. Had no effect on or off. Tapered Xanax down to 2mg a day as progressing in CBT and educating myself on all aspects I could find relating to the drugs, the way panic attacks effect the body and why, and PTSD. Zoloft increased depression and making me unable to stay awake hindering my therapy through CBT and my meditating. Currently cutting Zoloft. Stalled cutting Xanax to finish Zoloft withdrawals. Starting exposure aspect of therapy during cuts.

Goal - Zero drugs and continue work to treat properly controlling symptoms with my mind and thinking process rather than drugs to try and numb it or change it.

Benefits - For something as severe panic attacks that cycle out of control for hours on end, I can see something to control them long enough to start education on those and develop a complete understanding from the brain/mind, to the nervous system, to the effects on organs and body parts to lessen/remove fear of them.

Draw-backs- To remain on such drugs long enough to develop addiction and raise tolerance of is counter productive. As now patient has to fight PTSD with addiction. Materials should be provided to educate person and self-help encouraged, if not strongly pushed.

Drugs such as anti-depressants that seem to work at controlling symptoms for some do not put the person in a place where they willingly work through issues. Drug masks the symptoms that can be effectively controlled through a lot of self analysis and work.

For those of us that it does not work, we are forced to learn this the hard way... And do so battling addiction, negative reactions to drugs making PTSD worse, and PTSD symptoms still uncontrolled. The latter group may be lucky in that aspect as we learn because we are forced to. We find we do have the strength to control this when properly treated and educated as it is a do or die. It should be made more than clear suicide that plagues our mind at times will only make those around us as we are now. That seems to be a hell of a deterrent.

I had to select some benefit as it would be easier to start education with immediate relief to symptoms. But that is all and if proper education is provided and pushed.

Had to add now as this thread was bumped up during my move and finding even more pill bottles. Well, add Lexapro and Zyprexa to the list. Zyprexa was years ago when I could not sleep due to intrusive thoughts. I cannot recall who gave now or why I got Lexapro, just remember finding the bottle with my name on it. I really feel like there is not a pill out there they have not put me on. As of the date of the edit I am on 3/4 mg xanax a day. 1/4 mg 3X a day now and the only drug.