Hello, I have not been to the forum for a long time, I reached the stage when every thread I read was triggering me off and I couldn't cope anymore. Anthony, I am sorry I came accross as so aggressive towards the people on the forum and you. I was not trying to imply that people shouldn't talk about their lives, by the way. When I have attacks I am so overwhelmed by rage and possessed by the spirits that try to destroy me I know I really go to the extremes and lash out at the entire universe and am barely aware of what's happening until it passes. I'm sorry I didn't apologise before, but I just had to go away to get out of the vicious cycle. I will start contributing again and if I cannot control my flashbacks in a way that avoids impacting on others then I will leave again. I noticed today you have brought in new rules because of aggressive or self pitying people and |I suppose I am one of those you mean. I have tried so hard to learn what most people think are ordinary civilized values but I still keep getting them wrong. I want to get rid of the evil ghost of my mother inside me that I can't kill, but she keeps coming out. To be honest I don't feel that this is a place where I can express my feelings or vent when I am sick, because it comes out in such a caustic way. I hate it, but I don't know what to do beyond what I've already tried.

I do want to thank the people who have been so kind and supportive on this thread and elsewhere. I feel ashamed and self-conscious and I wish I could repay you properly or equal you in compassion. I especially feel bad that people responded and I appeared to be snubbing them. I'm sorry for that, and will hang around more again and try to get to know more people.