T-shirts my daughter has:
One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity!

I live in my own little world. But it's ok...everyone here knows me. :-)

T-shirt I want to buy:
Don't make me break out my flying monkies!!!!!

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An article from a newspaper-
A woman almost bit off her husband's willy as he cooked pancakes for tea - while she gave him oral sex.
In the heat of passion, he lost the grip on the pan and spilt boiling oil down her naked back.
She clinched her teeth on his willy and in agony he bashed her on the head with the pan.
Both only admitted how they received their injuries after 'intense questioning' by hospital docs in Carioca, Romania.
The man needed treatment to his willy while the wife had burns, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone.

LMAO...you can't make sh*t like this up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!