You are not going to be judged. Ranting is normal and good to get out. You did not direct your anger at a certain person here in public so no big deal, you should rant!

I am seeing a bad habit though that many of us do in your post. Sounds you are over protective of the kids. That is a hard one to fix and figure where to give and let go. If we do not allow them to feel and see some pain they won't be able to cope in this world. I am really really bad at that and it is just starting to change. And having PTSD and working on it and suffering from the issues does not make you a bad parent. I have had days where I referred the way I acted was like "rosanne barr on crack" Even the best parents have off days. And if you meet one that acts like June Cleaver, well just kick them in the ass so they get snapped out of their drunken haze LOL. You cannot and should not try to protect your child from every possible ounce of pain. (Hi I am the pot calling kettle black) Like I said I am working on it too still.

Night of panic, just not fun especially when we allow our imagination of what ifs (like someone on the porch with cell) carry it away and make it so much worse. Sorry and hope you fell better today. It is hard to tell ourself this is unreasonable and irrational thinking and so much more so during panic. But you need to work on it. You will have some good days with it and some that nothing works. But it can get better long as you keep trying and telling yourself that.