Anthony, While reading your response to Ben I'm thinking a little differently then I had been the other night. Have feelings of more compassion for myself, less guilt towards financial and care-taking obligation to my mother, more realism about just what the hell FOO violence and abuse did to me and I have hope that I never really do know what might occur in the future. In early 1997 I was feeling like I'd never again be fit to work another days work, quite honestly I wasn't even sure I'd live, but then a miracle happened in 1999 and I was briefly employed for a magazine as a graphic artist. On for about 8 mo. then off and several mo. later on 6 mo. then that's it for now folks. Though the sched. was part-time and very conv. I remem. getting home, quite irritable, arguementative, my mind shutting down and unable to think, and finally collapsing. I could get there, entusiastic, happy and in great shape, but as the day unfolded it became too much. I know one thing for sure I believe in miracles and dare to dream that another will come my way, because I appreciate good empl., dam hard worker when well, and it's one of my goals. Oh yeah, I just remember I do work. Have my hands full at the time with my two young children...can usually appreciate this. And, home just keeping it up and operating is a full-time job, in itself.