When I read your post my first response was a smart-assed comment like 'If I'd known there was going to be a quiz, I would have studied!' Trying to laugh about this and be a smart ass is something I do to try and deal with all this SHIT that has come uninvited into my life.

But to answer your question-I have no freaking clue. I have reached a point where I feel like I'm pretty stable and I'm so shit scared to rock the boat in any way because if I do, I might end up back where I was about ready to crawl into my closet and pull the door tightly behind me and not come out.

I have to slap on my 'non-crazy' face every morning to come to work. OMG...can't have any real life problems and work where I do. They'll just can your ass if you're not ship-shape and 100%. Then I go home and I try to keep it together for my family's sake. I feel so guilty that all of this is affecting them. My husband's afraid of upsetting me for fear I'll break down again. I don't want to put this burden on him. This is so new to both of us we still haven't figured out how to deal with all of it and it's causing lots of frustrations. My mother tells me on the phone last night, 'Don't let this overwhelm your life'. I just wanted to scream into the phone 'WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN TRYING NOT TO DO!!'

I joined the army when I was 17. They asked so much physically and mentally of us I didn't think I could do it. But I did it. That same determination to accomplish what I want in my life has served me well in every situation I've up against except one. This one. I can't push past this it, I can't crawl over it, I can't go around or under it. I just don't know what to do. So I just stand there and stare at this wall in front of me and wring my hands. All of the skills I've learned for dealing with problems in life haven't seemed to help me at all with this other than to help me stay at a status quo. I HATE THIS. I hate what it's done to my life, to my family, to my mind, to my body.

Wow...I didn't know this was all inside me. Sorry I couldn't give you the answer you wanted.