•When husband barks orders in his deep, loud voice. I do my best to soften what feels like a blow. When this happens, I'm afraid he’s lowering their self-esteem, frightening them, and may start yelling. Without being aware I am apt to fear that he might get physical with our children. Now, he has NEVER done this before, but his sudden frustration frightens me.

So I begin transalating words that are more understandable and better received by our children. This agitates him and he's certain to come out with some negative statement. And, then this agitates me, because in my PTSD I can't figure out for the life of me how someone can comment so negatively and hold such an irrational view on something. So I try harder to be supportive to our kids while performing as a peace-maker trying to please him as well. He then overlooks entirely that I am in fact considering him and trying to respect his approach with the kids, though I see and think entirely different. Meanwhile I'm also trying to help and encourage the kids to do whatever it is he wants done while trying to express to children how daddy's feeling, because he often won't do it himself, rather he just gets frustrated and barks orders. I believe he'd be much more successful in getting our kids to do what he wants, when he wants it if he'd only be gentler, consistent and firm. Personally, I don't think my husband has a wide range of feelings. Seems that there is a list of emotions missing somewhere, and I exert much of my energy afternoons and evenings striving to protect our kids from my perceived threat of my husband to our kids. It's hard to tell what's what because he has always claimed that his entire approach is all normal and that I'm too sensitive and overprotective.

Quite honestly much daily frustration results from being PTSD triggered by a list of traits and behaviors, I've been more recently able to identify in him. As well as the reality we don't agree on child rearing technique.

These days, (and I hope it's in relationship to him being addicted and about a week without a ciggerette). I often find him exhaust., discouraging, depressing and pure frustrating. (I somehow fear this will cont. even weeks and mo. away from cigg's). His ability to hear and own any responsibility is forever shifting. I've told him how his negativity, critisism and selfishness effects us poorly and he's occasionally responded posit. Many times, I've said something and he absol. denies any of it. Lately, as the result of my daily awareness of my PTSD and great willingness to hold myself responsible, he's been blaming much on me, contributing to my anxiety and denying any pers. resp. in any of it. Quite frankly, I'm fed up with him tonight, but it's not worth saying anything, doing anything ect.