I have edited this diary to provide the full version of your story as posted elsewhere, as only one trauma diary for the same story needs to be used.

Joanna, you have suffered an endless amount of pain I believe, and I am so glad you have found your way here to begin some healing in regard to your past. Whilst many of the incidents above are traumatic for you, and still not nice for any person in life, I see the main incidents as only being your rape in regard to giving you the actual PTSD itself, however; with PTSD, all trauma must be healed, regardless off anothers perception, if it is traumatic to the individual, it must be looked at and healed, or else PTSD itself will not be effectively managed, as stigma will continue feeding PTSD itself.

Joanna, even though your here shareing your story, I must ask, are you ready to really heal? That sounds like a simple question, however there is much more too it than meets the eye as such. Thinking you want to heal trauma, and out right having the shits with your life and the only thing you want to do regardless the pain it induces, is heal trauma, they are two very different beasts as such in regard to effectiveness. Where do you stand on this, more so I know how much you want me to poke you about your trauma itself.

You have shared your trauma, and that I thank you, because hopefully just that has produced a reaction within you, even though you may see it as painful when writing, it will also provide rewards as you move past that short term pain, ie. it is out, no longer a secret as such. I would love to help you get past the life you despise with PTSD uncontrolled, but I can only guide you if you really fit the later of the above, being you are so beyond living with PTSD itself, you want nothing more in life at this present moment than too heal. I guess really, I can get very direct with you, which will spark so much pain for you, required pain as such, but still very painful to deal with, or I can push buttons much gentler with you, however; the results could take years to reach healing the just the trauma, without getting into the PTSD management side of things.

I think you are certainly one very brave and determined person though Joanna, to live what you have, endured the suffering, and still be here to talk about it. Please give yourself plenty of credit for just achieving this goal alone, as you honestly deserve it.