Thank You Anthony I sure hope someday I can recover. I think at times PTSD will rear it's ugly head even when I THINK I have put it away and dealt with it. With me the other issues are actually the ones that will never heal. Today is a good day for me I feel rested, and you know some of my FIGHT is coming back:boxing: :boxing: The journey is long for me but what I have learned so far and even before this happened is that if you HOLD ON TIGHT to the things YOU CAN DO, and let go of the things you can't it opens you up to so much more. I am lucky because I have GREAT DOCTORS, my therapist well I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HER YET, I had to switch mid treatment because I lost my medical insurance so now I have to go to a county funded agency, not to my liking but I guess some talk therapy is better than none. My first therapist was truly AWSOME so at least she did open the flood gates so I could start releasing some of this CRAP!!!!!! I guess to I keep looking back at what I have accomplished with helping woman learn to overcome being battered, victims etc... I am a Black Belt instructor and ran Self Defense clinics at different Abuse shelters for many years. My shrink keeps telling me to just take is slow because oh yes I WANT THIS OVER, I WANT IT GONE, but he said it takes time and of course with the other medical issues it is going to take me longer. BUT IT WILL HAPPPEN SEE being off meds alows me to think and feel something I really need to do that I do not need to be numb all the time I WANT TO FEEL WHAT IS GOING ON so I can GET RID OF IT. And that means even if I am taking the longer harder road I was never one to take the easy way, I want to feel like I worked for it. I KNOW TYPICAL OVER ACHEIVER ATTITUDE