View Full Version : Nightmares - Parents Are In My Nightmares
Currently getting a lot of nightmares, about my parents. I moved out ten years ago when I was 18. The typical scenario is that I'm back in their house screaming/yelling at them because they won't listen to me. I wake up feeling scared and angry. They never were able to stop thinking about themselves for long enough to listen to what I have to say, and they wonder why I can't stand them.
Anyone else out there struggling with nightmares?
Oops I sound a bit angry there but I can't figure out how to edit my post. I think it's because it's 3 am and I'm wide awake now having had nightmares. I'm feeling a bit calmer now, will go back to bed soon :)
anthony
24-11-2006, 05:25 PM
Bob, can you remind me about your parents please? They abused you?
Josh77
25-11-2006, 12:34 AM
bob,
yes, I have also been having nightmares, but I don't know what to do to deal with them. Do you? I just wanted to let you know that if you need to write about your nightmares, I'm here to listen and give feedback (if I am able to help)...
Josh
nov_silence
25-11-2006, 01:19 AM
I have nightmares about my parents all the time. Several times a week I dream about being back in my old house in MA... or somewhere that looks alot like it. I can't tell you have many times I wake up screaming, cursing, feeling scared and or hateful. You are not alone.....
Bob, can you remind me about your parents please? They abused you?
Yes I was abused. It was not necessarily physical or sexual abuse (although this did happen), but emotional abuse, you know like undermining my self esteem at every opportunity, things like being called a "waste of space" and not being allowed to make any noise whilst eating. Also not being allowed to express myself, I couldn't say anything to my parents without having it rammed back down my throat.
I have nightmares about my parents almost every night. It's horrible and I wish it would stop.
As a side note, Anthony, why do you edit the title of every thread? This is not normal forum behaviour and I find it disconcerting. It doesn't exactly make me want to post here.
veiled
03-12-2006, 12:58 PM
Sorry, you are feeling like that. Some of the titles are edited to make it more clear what is within the post itself. Quicker, easier reference, or there would be 30 posts that simply say nightmare(s), panic attacks, anxiety, anger... It helps you also get support faster from people who do not have time to go over the whole forum, as it is huge, and when something that relates to them pops out they are more likely to read it. While all may have nightmares, not all involve the parents. No way meant to be offensive. Just helps things move smoothly and get support to you faster.
anthony
03-12-2006, 07:38 PM
Hey Bob,
Veiled hit it on the head. It helps users find what is relevant to them faster, more accurately, than stuffing about having to look at every post. Editors look at every post, not other members... though editors do not reply to every post, just checking them for correctness. Members make up the bulk of communication, so helping them to find relevant conversations faster, is in eveyone's best interest. Any quality forum with quality editorial guidelines, editors and so forth, edit thread titles, threads, posts, etc etc... I have been in the game a long time to know.
Bob, how long did this occur too you? Was this your entire growing up? Who diagnosed you with PTSD as a result of this? I ask this, because I am wondering whether it is more anxiety than full PTSD, as significant trauma outside of normal life trauma must occur for the mind to chemically imbalance. Basically, the mind must be so terrified, it breaks and neurologically imbalances the right and left hemispheres.
This isn't scaling down your abuse, if anything to me, hopefully you can be healed fully, cured as such, if your issues have stemmed more self esteem, anxiety and depression issues, rather than actual physical abuse to the extent beyond normal growing up smacks and so forth, or sexual abuse would certainly do it.
If you had sexual abuse, which I am not sure if you meant that above or not, then your sexual abuse would actually be what has given you PTSD, not emotional abuse as such. Emotional abuse though, if significant enough, will certainly give you more issues over the sexual abuse, or possibly even hiding the underlying factors of sexual abuse.
I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD. This can come about solely from mistreatment from caregivers, including emotional abuse. I was also bullied and beaten a lot at school as I mentioned in previous thread, but my nightmares are mostly about my home life. There was some violence at home as well, but no sexual abuse as I recall. There may also be some things that I can't remember, I recalled part of something the other day that was really horrific, but I can't remember what it was now.
I had a nightmare last night. I had my sister in a headlock and I was smashing her head against a wall until she was unconscious. She used to bully me at home. She was the favourite and used that to her advantage, my parents would always believe her over me. I have a recurring nightmare where I am trapped with my parents in their house, screaming and shouting at them.
Hey Bob,
This isn't scaling down your abuse, if anything to me, hopefully you can be healed fully, cured as such, if your issues have stemmed more self esteem, anxiety and depression issues, rather than actual physical abuse to the extent beyond normal growing up smacks and so forth, or sexual abuse would certainly do it.
You're not a doctor and you don't have teh whole story so don't try to diagnose me.
Sorry that sounded a bit aggressive. What I meant to say is that I've already received a diagnosis of complex PTSD from a qualified doctor. There is a whole bunch of stuff I haven't mentioned to you like being beaten up, mugged, seeing people killed. I didn't come here for a second diagnosis, I came here to talk.
OK here is some more information, this is something I posted on another forum:
I don't want this to be a "poor me" thread but I'm really struggling and it would help to put some of this down on paper, as it were. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, this is just really about how I got into such a state.
My mum and dad have always been pretty absent. My mum's parents abandoned her when she was in single figures. Her dad left and her mum died, she was left living with her Aunt and felt she had to "look after" her younger sister. Needless to say it left her emotionally scarred. My mum had post natal depression after me and my sister as well as her ongoing problems, so there was probably an attachment problem from the begninning. She was always a bit emotionally absent, although she was there physically it felt like she was elsewhere. My dad used to come home from work and pass out in front of the telly. Mum and dad used to fight a lot and they both used to beat me. They used to banish me to bedroom a lot and sometimes come up and beat me. They also called me names like "useless" and "waste of space" quite often. One time I was sitting on a grass bank outside my friend's house with three friends when my dad came and punched me in the face, giving me a black eye. I don't remember what I'd done to deserve it. There's a huge rift in my family, I haven't spoken to my sister for some years and I can't stand to be around my parents.
At school I was bullied from the age of about 9 to about 15. I was a misfit kind of kid, my appearance was unusual, I didn't have the trendy clothes of my friends and usually had a silly haircut. I was also pretty socially inept. A group of kids used to wait outside the shool gates to kick me off my bike. In school the would surround me and call me names, and take pleasure from humiliating me in whatever possible. I was punched and kicked and held down and beaten, had snow rubbed in my face, chewing gum put in my hair. Sometimes kids who I thought were my friends would join in with the bullies, which hurt more than anything else.
Around the village I lived in older kids would bully me, shouting names at me, surrounding me and beating me up. Nowhere was a safe place for, everywhere I went I was scared and nervous.
I was expelled from school at 16 for drugs and generally misbehaving. It was a good school, my parents were very angry with me. I was then expelled from another school soon after.
When I was 16 my girlfriend left me for one of the kids that used to bully me. I got wrecked on drugs and alcohol one night and her mum found me lying in the road wrecked and took me home. My parents locked me in my bedroom. I jumped out the window and ran away, I was running up a dual carriageway a few miles from home when my sister appeared in a car and took me home.
My best friend at the time messed up on drugs and ended up in hostipal long term with a mental illness, drugged up to the eyeballs. I went to see him and it scared the wotsits out of me, he was really out of it.
When I was 17 or so I was arrested by the police. They drove me 10 miles to the station. There were two policemen. One was driving, the other one was in the back with me. He held my hands up behind my back in cuffs and was punching me repeatly around the back of the head and the back and ribs. They were both mocking and laughing at me while I was crying. One of them was a senior officer and I made a complaint, nothing came of it. The assh*le caught up with me on my bike sometime after, he stopped the car and he threatened me. I don't think I can ever trust police again.
When I was 18 my parents threw me out. I spent a night in january sleeping rough in woodland without a coat and almost got hyperthermia. I went to college the next day trying to hold back the tears, a filthy mess. Then I wandered round the streets for a week or so until they let me back in. I don't remember it much, I was drunk and stoned.
I was sitting outside a pub once when one of the locals thought it would be fun to come out and beat the crap out of me, smashing my head against a wall. Another time my "friends" turned on me and one of them hit me over the head with a big spanner, making a bloody mess. Another time I was drunk and offered a big schoolkid out for a fight, he knocked me out with a single punch and his ring cause a big gash by my eye, then he slammed my head in a door. Another time I saw my friend beaten almost to death by two thugs with a baseball bat. His head was pouring with blood. Then I saw a woman run over and killed by a bus, blood pouring out of her head and her poor kid screaming. I was mugged once and almost a second time. Some of these smaller traumatic events I have somehow been unable to come to terms with.
I have recurring nightmares about my family that have been going on for 20 years or so. The nightmares vary but one theme had remained constant throughout:- I'm trying to communicate with my parents in some way and they are not listening. Typically I am screaming at one or both of them trying to make them understand something. I get more and more upset and sometimes wake up shouting and sweating. I have these nightmares at least once per week, sometimes as much as 3 times per night. In my awake state I also have violent fantasies. They can be brought on by stress, sometimes stress at work, sometimes by drivers cutting me up when I'm on my bike. You get the picture.
And so I have PTSD from a number of traumatic events over some years.
I have ongoing problems with self-esteem. The low self-esteem comes from being bullied and abused and from the memories of bad things I have seen and done. I have used drugs on and off for some years. Sometimes I have a bad day and things get really heavy, I start crying uncontrollably or get very angry or suicidal or have violent fantasies. It's very intrusive and hard to deal with.
Well that's me, warts and all. It's not a very pretty picture but I'm doing my best to make things better in the future, although struggling some in the process.
I would add to that that I very much have PTSD and am struggling with the symptoms daily, please no more doubt about that.
Hi Bob. You've gone through a crap load in life thus far. It seems that you had no place where you felt like you belong. I hope here, you find that place.
I am not a doctor or a dream analyzer, but I think your dreams are telling you something significant. You said it yourself that it seems you can't communicate with your parents. Once we get this emotional issue out of you, hopefully you can begin on the other traumas.
I did an exercise at one point during my therapy. I was given up for adoption at the age of five, and there were so many things I wanted to say to my birthmom. Painful questions that I wanted to ask. She lives in a different country with a different language..so basically unreachable. My therapist suggested that I write her a letter. She most certainly never will receive it, but I got my feelings down on paper. I started it just like so....
Dear Birthmom,
You could write one separately, one for mom, and one for dad. I think this might help you resolve some of your feelings and maybe get a decent night's rest. Take care..
veiled
07-12-2006, 04:18 AM
He was only trying to help based on the info you gave, now that you have given more info the better the support can be. No one here claims to be a doc, just we have this too and try to offer support, suggest things that work for us. No one doubted you anywhere I am aware of... that just goes back to little info of what is happening where to help. But you fixed that up real quick.
Do like so many others here... Take what helps you and your situation and leave the rest.
Dreams carry so much emotion and yours really scream anger. Yeah, I know took a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Have your parents been on your mind heavily more than usual prior to these starting up? Anything else in life causing anger currently? Your post in themself show you have a lot of anger.
Really working through your issues and understanding what ever it is you are currently facing in life effects the nightmares, the emotions in them, and their frequency.
Can you see any where that your anger is being increased in day to day life and why? Is it maybe the holidays? They are hard to handle for a lot of us. Anything happen before around this time of year that pulled so much anger up?
Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes you have to really dig to resolve the issue to lead to a calmer nights sleep.
He was only trying to help based on the info you gave, now that you have given more info the better the support can be. No one here claims to be a doc, just we have this too and try to offer support, suggest things that work for us.
Yes! It's just that I'm hypersensitive and hypervigilant (these are symptoms of PTSD, right?). I guess I felt criticised in a way, almost like being attacked. But these feelings are irrational as I realise now, and I feel sorry for being irrational and abrupt in my post.
I suppose I also push away people who try to help me as I find it hard to talk about my problems or even think about them. I don't want to push people away.
I will read through the rest of your comment.
He was only trying to help based on the info you gave, now that you have given more info the better the support can be. No one here claims to be a doc, just we have this too and try to offer support, suggest things that work for us. No one doubted you anywhere I am aware of... that just goes back to little info of what is happening where to help. But you fixed that up real quick.
Do like so many others here... Take what helps you and your situation and leave the rest.
Dreams carry so much emotion and yours really scream anger. Yeah, I know took a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Have your parents been on your mind heavily more than usual prior to these starting up? Anything else in life causing anger currently? Your post in themself show you have a lot of anger.
Yes my parents have been on my mind. I have had altercations with both of them recently. I am not in contact with them at the moment, for the last couple of months.
Really working through your issues and understanding what ever it is you are currently facing in life effects the nightmares, the emotions in them, and their frequency.
Can you see any where that your anger is being increased in day to day life and why? Is it maybe the holidays? They are hard to handle for a lot of us. Anything happen before around this time of year that pulled so much anger up?
I've been having nightmares for a few years now. The subject has been changing, they're almost always to to do with family now, or at least thats how it seems. Maybe I have just become more aware of them, but I have always had nightmares about my family, even going back to my childhood from 8 or 9 years or possibly younger. I find I also forget the nightmares quickly and have trouble recalling them, although they are very real at the time.
There are a number of sources of stress and worry in my life. My job, money, my relationship with my parents, the state of my house, the usual stuff. These have been fairly constant for a while, apart from the recent altercations with my parents as I mentioned.
Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes you have to really dig to resolve the issue to lead to a calmer nights sleep.
Well it would seem the issue is with my family, but I'm not sure how to stop the nightmares. I can't seem to resolve my feelings by talking them. Talking to them almost invariably leaves me feeling frustrated and angry, or at least a little tired and anxious. I think the best strategy is for me to ignore them and try to work through my issues with my counsellor, who I started with one session ago.
Dear Birthmom,
You could write one separately, one for mom, and one for dad. I think this might help you resolve some of your feelings and maybe get a decent night's rest. Take care..
Thanks for the tip. I actually use that whenever I can't sleep and I'm feeling angry at my parents after a row or a nightmare. I find it helps quite a lot. At the moment I'm not getting too much insomia due to getting lots of exercise, but when I fall asleep I often have nightmares. Getting back to sleep again is not too hard, but I'm left feeling tired in the morning (and sometimes exhausted when I have nightmares for nights on end) due to all the brain activity that has been going on in my nightmares.
veiled
07-12-2006, 06:38 AM
Only you know if a break from them would do you good... And it sounds like that may be just what you need. Do they know you have PTSD? Do they know they are a contributer? Is this the cause of the fight?
Some times the anger makes us so blind to what we are really feeling. There is a list of emotions in the information section... Look into it and see if you can find the emotions in relation to your parents from the past and present and see how you are really feeling that is fueling the anger. Once you see them and acknowledge them it may bring you some relief. Write out how it makes you feel each of those emotions and why you have that emotion. You will see a more wounded soul than a truly angered one.
For me and my experience I dodge my mom at every chance and live hundreds of miles away for good reason. She is teetering on being cut off. But being a parent it is hard to do.
My dad on the other hand I put on the chopping block about 5 years ago and am so much better for it. It was what I had to do to move forward. Because all those emotions they kept causing, kept hurting me, kept wounding me, kept fueling my rage.
I have so much more peace when my dad was cut off from me. I don't have to deal with BS drama of that side of the family. My mom, again I said she is teetering... I am unsure what to do with her yet, but she is trying from I gather to learn about PTSD. She is pressing me as how I got it. She is a dumbass, she knows and she knowingly put me in harms way to go out and get drunk. So I haven't blurted it or gone in a rage, but my cell phone does conviently lose its signal! I barely see her, at the most once a year.
I had some weird nightmares pop up about my dad a while back, all I had to do that round was discuss problems again, the emotions behind it and how he made me feel, like I just needed to air it. Then they went back to the old normal rape ones I get when overly stressed! Still working on a couple of those myself. But working through a lot of my emotional states with that has brought me relief. I hope it can for you.
I don't write all my nightmares, if I did I would dwell on it all day and a sure fire way for more to follow, I forget most of mine fairly quick (I like that) and it is the emotions that are harder to shake some times I have no recall just would wake in panic. But I think if you work on those emotions it may bring you some relief... Ease your anger.
anonymous
07-12-2006, 10:41 AM
I have nightmares every night so I can relate. Hope you sleep well.:sleeping:
anthony
07-12-2006, 04:20 PM
Hi Bob,
Sorry, I was not out to offend you or attack you, just trying to work on what you had provided. As veiled stated above, you cleared that up by providing a bigger picture. If I knew this, I would not have eluded to hopefully not having PTSD. I say this too people, because I would not wish this upon anyone, even my worst enemies in life. I will say, I think you have suffered an endless amount of shit, and no wonder you have been diagnosed with complex PTSD.
Bob, nightmares are a residual effect off your trauma. Nothing more, nothing less. We have nightmares because we fear our trauma. That is what a nightmare is, dreaming of something we fear. So the obvious solution to this, is to work at your trauma. By healing our trauma, we in turn heal most of our symptoms at the same time. Why? Because it is our trauma that feeds PTSD. Remove the past trauma, and PTSD can only feed from what we provide it in our present, and future events. This is fact, not fiction.
I would love to give you a solution to help you with your nightmares, but honestly, there isn't one. You can do breathing exercises, relaxation, blah blah blah... all bandaids, none of which work long term, and that is also factual. The only true way in which to stop nightmares, is by doing the extremely hard yards by tackling your trauma head on. You must pull your trauma apart in order to understand it, reason with it, remove guilt from it, accept it, remove fear... If you no longer fear your past, you no longer have nightmares, you no longer have sleep issues, you no longer have memory issues, and the long list goes on.
Hi, just thought I'd post an update as I haven't been around for a while.
I seem to have the nightmares under control. They were clearly as a result of conflict with my parents. I haven't been in contact with them and the nightmares eased off and have now gone. The answer seems fairly simple, I just need to ignore my parents.
I'm struggling with some other problems. Just to give you some background, I have been drinking on and off for a while. I was drinking too much and getting horribly depressed. I've been trying to quit for about 3 weeks now, but twice I have gotten horribly drunk and ended up hysterical. Just last week I put my fist through a partition wall at home then I went out for a walk and some drunk football fan in the steet shouted something at me and I attacked him. I have been feeling really terrible about this since then. I can't recall all the events, there are some blanks. This is not because I was particulary drunk, I had drank 6 beers. Yes that is a lot, but not enough to cause blackouts. They are down to the PTSD I am sure.
I've been completely sober for 6 days now, I feel I'm doing really well but the PTSD symptoms are awful. I can't sleep, I'm getting shakes and really bad memoery loss. My sleep pattern is all messed up, it's almost 6 am and I'm still wide awake.
I went to see the doc last week and told him what had happened. He couldn't remember that he had diagnosed me with PTSD. I'm on the waiting list for psychotherapy and have been for several months. He said he was going to mail them to get an update and asked me what I wanted him to do. I said that I didn't think there was much he could do. My experience with the NHS is that they are completely useless for anything like this. It's taken me ten years to get this far that I even have a diagnosis that my doc has forgotten about and am on an endless waiting list for therapy. I feel really angry that the NHS is so diabolical. I feel like my doc just wants to get me out of his room as fast as possible and is also a patronising git and terrible at listening. I get really nervous when I go and I can't remember what I was going to say. I need someone who can be patient and listen.
Then I'm having problems with my wife. She has trauma as well and is always snapping at me. Quite often she triggers my PTSD by being rude and agressive. She snaps at me for no good reason, e.g. today I asked her why she was getting dressed up and she started being very agressive. I have asked her many times to try not to be so agressive but she just can't help it. She's also very clumsy and talks crap all the time. She can't concentrate on one thing for more than a minute or so. Before I have chance to reply to whatever she's said she starts talking about something else. Often she interrupts me when I am speaking to talk about something completely unrelated. It's not like I say a lot or speak for a long time, so when I do speak I like to be listened to. I find this very frustrating. We are completely different people with completely different interests and needs. The one thing we have in common is that we're both a bit screwed up and vulnerable.
I asked her not to bring alcohol into the house as I am trying to quit and she made a really big deal out of it. I felt that was really selfish as she knows what a complete ****ing mess I get into with the stuff. It's so hard to quit and I need support not to be made to feel like I'm depriving her.
I go back to work tomorrow and I know there is a world of crap waiting for me there. I had two days off last week feeling like crap after my drunken antics. I just know that I'm going to feel stressed at work, particularly as I haven't been sleeping, and that it will increase the urge to drink.
Ideally I need some time off work and some *therapy*. I'm having counselling but it's fortnightly at the moment. Maybe I will increase it.
Sorry to rant on but I'm feeling really crap at the moment and ranting helps. Thanks for listening.
veiled
26-12-2006, 05:55 PM
Damn Rob, rude, aggressive, and interrupts... Sure she is not me? All joking aside quitting drinking and also an increase in alcohol can send our symptoms EVERYWHERE. Ease or worsen both ways. Sometimes a couple drinks makes me light headed and it is too close to feeling like a panic attack so of course I get one. Others it relaxs and I notice I don't take or need my meds then...
I do not agree if you need the alcohol out she does not comply. It is selfish. But where are you and what type of docs do you have they do not have it on records when they come in a room with you? I mean do they not have a folder and paperwork with history written down? None of mine said PTSD to me. I am a nosey shit and open my own folders and read... Screw it is is about me and I pay the bill. What is NHS? Is it more socialized medicine? Sorry see a whole lot of issues here with that.
I want to say congrats on being sober!! It is hard. But I have learned you can actually have a couple and loosen up later on down the road and it not be bad and have a wee bit of fun. It is possible for it to not be a bad thing, I was scared to death to drink for a long time. But it takes a while to get there.
Sorry to hear it took a parent break foryou o feel better but as bad as it seems we need to watch ourself. Not mom or dad. Your health first, like I said I had to do a total cut off from dad and mom still teeters.
Sadly sleep issues, shakes, memory... All PTSD and not to scare you but don't be shocked to see it get worse. We will be here for you then too, but it is still the same, it does not get better without taking issues by the horns. And it ain't a short road, hon.
And going into work expecting it to be hard... Well, you just made it so! Remember everyone there just had holidays and are tired.
We are here for rant so rant and get it out, it helps. Glad nightmares are easing, sorry wife is a pain... but that seems normal.
Thanks for the reply. The wife and I had a nice day today, we went shopping and then had a meal together. There were no arguments, just a nice day together :)
NHS is the National Health Service in the UK. It's a "free" service. We're in a transition towards a more private system like you have in the US. Currently there are both free and private systems and the free system really sucks. Yeah he has a big wad of notes about me but he couldn't seem to find the one about PTSD. Anyway, it's not a big deal as there's not much the doc can do, it's down to me to speed along my recovery. I know it's a long road, I have been on it for 10 years or so already. Only recently I've found out what's wrong with me and have been learning how best to heal myself. I feel like the healing process is starting to accellerate slowly now, but it's very much a case of "two steps forward and one step back".
I know what you mean about giving up booze being hard. I've gotten into the habit of coming home from work and opening a bottle of beer. It's a really bad habit as the booze makes me depressed, interferes with my sleep and generally slows down the healing process or even reverses it. It costs me a lot more than just money. If I can just manage to quit it will do wonders for my self confidence and self esteem, not to mention my health. I'm also quitting smoking at the same time. Yeah, maybe it's a bad idea to stop both at once but I've been cutting down on alcohol for a while now and I've managed six days without either. I think I'm almost over the worst of it, but the big challenge is going to be coping with the stress of work and not going back to my old habits. If I can manage a month I will start to feel more victorious, until then I'm not going to chant victory as it's so easy to slide back to old habits.
Yeah, take the bull by the horns - that's exactly what I need to do, rather than hiding away in a cloud of smoke and a daze of alcohol. I know it's a long journey but I'm in it for the long haul.
Thanks again for listening and replying, it really helps. I'm feeling more positive at the moment, yesterday was really a low point.
goingonhope
28-12-2006, 02:52 PM
And so I have PTSD from a number of traumatic events over some years.
I have ongoing problems with self-esteem.
bob, I was touched when I read what you wrote about your many, many painful, traumatic experiences. I'm familiar with these feelings which such awful experiences bring into our existance. Found much identif. with what you've shared with us. My list of traumatic experiences too, is very long, exhausting for me to own. I suffered self-esteem problems my entire life. My self-image completely distorted. Once believed that there must be something terribly awful about me, to be dehumanized both within the family and outside of the family. Absol. hated what I witnessed too. My very low self-esteem and evil beliefs about myself were all cemented for me at age 19 when sister having beat me severely, and immersed me in scalding water, continued on by slamming my head against the tub, over and over until I could haved died. Family stood by the beating ranting, cheering and encouraging it. It hurt most especially having mother state, that I f'n deserved it. This was one in a chronic stretch of abuse, a great deal psychological/emot. abuse too. I'm not trying to say poor me either, I'm just stating the my facts, as you stated yours. Great job, bob....Great job in sharing and getting some of it out.
If and when I can find a qualified therapist for my PTSD I'm up for it and the long road ahead. At least for today I'm committed to healing and I'll just keep making this decision each new day. I first attempted making a new life for myself nearly 19yrs. ago. It took me nine yrs. just to learn to control my drinking and this I finally did by surrending and giving up drink altogether. Has proven Very rewarding for me.
Gee, I don't wanna' go on besides to say that I too was bullied, ie. (carmal choc. stuck to the back of my head, handfuls of bryers pushed and matted into my hair, choc. shake dumped my way while passing on bike, cruel things said and done, ect., ect.) Your openness and honesty encouraged mine.
I very much identify with you and what you wrote, and perhaps you too might feel a little of what I now feel .....A feeling of knowing I'm not all alone in my traumatic experiences and life. And, THX bob. Deeply appreciated. My best for you and your wife.
......Sincerely, goingonhope
Hi GOH :hello:
Thanks for sharing with me and identifying with me. It's always nice to find people you can relate to. I identify with having things stuck in your hair, have had chewing gum stuck in my hair once, it's not very nice :(
I have managed 8 days without any booze and I'm really proud of myself, but I crumbled today and bought some nice english beer. Unfortunately the stress from work has gotten the better of me and I have crumbled under the stress and pressure. I was drinking some caffeine at work, only a little but enough to set me off with the shakes. I wish it wasn't so, but the pressure from work is too much for me to handle at the moment :( The stress I feel is just too much to cope with, it is making me ill. When I got home from work I was in a bit of a mess and went to buy some beer. I feel pretty bad now, I know this is not the best way to cope.
Well as I have said before it's a case of two steps forward and one step back. I'm not going to let a small setback prevent me from progressing in my recovery. I am feeling pretty bad now, I have pain in my chest because of the stress :( I don't really know how to deal with it. I have had over 2 hours of hard exercise (cycling) today but that is no enough to keep the stress at bay.
Take care.
veiled
29-12-2006, 08:24 PM
bob, acknowledge it is anxiety and accept and welcome the pain... Not all days work, but that is the usual course of action to ease my chest pains.
Note to self :-
Alcohol doesn't help when you're feeling stressed, try some camomile tea instead.
After 4 beers last night I still felt as bad as before I started drinking. Then I had a couple of camomile teas and felt slightly better straight away and sept fairly soundly (for me). When I woke up I still felt stressed, but it is easing off slightly now. I have a pounding headache today, probably caused by both the alcohol and the stress. Now I have to get some work done *sigh* ;)
veiled, thanks for the tip I will try that.
veiled
29-12-2006, 11:20 PM
I drink tonnes of chamomile... Try adding a little spearmint! It helps. And OK I know not a guy thing but the baby bath by johnson and johnson for bed time. Lavender in it and they have a bed time lotion too. It does help relax. You can always take a shower not to smell baby fresh in the AM... Or just drive all the ladies crzy over the baby smell LOL.
I drink tonnes of chamomile... Try adding a little spearmint! It helps.
I have some camomile tea with spearmint - very tasty!
And OK I know not a guy thing but the baby bath by johnson and johnson for bed time. Lavender in it and they have a bed time lotion too. It does help relax. You can always take a shower not to smell baby fresh in the AM... Or just drive all the ladies crzy over the baby smell LOL.
:D
I also have some stuff called "anti-stress activator". It is really good for bed time. I think I'll get some lavender oil too.
GodSeeker
06-01-2007, 07:27 AM
Ok. I know that most majority of PTSD sufferers have nightmares. My problem is the inverse. I have (or no remember) any dream. Rarely it happens. I dont know why but I think I not dream :think: . Has anyone this symptom?
becvan
06-01-2007, 08:21 AM
I cycle from sleeping to the point of being in a coma, without dreams, to having nightmares that prevent me from sleeping for days, to a complete inability to get to sleep in the first place.. Not all of us have every single symptom the exact same.. so don't panic GodSeeker, you are normal...
Bec
veiled
06-01-2007, 11:05 PM
GS,
I used to never remember most nightmares. I simply would shoot up out of bed in a full blown panic attack. I can say I seldome remember many night mares and dreams unless I keep a journal. I can if before lifting my head off the pillow if I think about it remember them. I had a stint for a week where they stood out badly and were just jacked up dreams.
More lately I wake soon as I start to dream. If I don't try to think about it it is soon forgotten.
I had more issues with intrusive thoughts and what my doc said were flashbacks. All wide awake. PTSD does not have every exact symptom identical to the next, but when you have so many of them add up you kind of know. One or two things not happening in the list does not mean you are unusual. Just count your blessings on that one as the nightmares I can recall shake me to the core.
cookie
07-01-2007, 06:31 PM
hey Godseeker (i like your name!) i didn't think i was dreaming, or having nightmares. still not sure, don't sleep much, can't dream if you don't sleep, lol.
my husband tells me i do a lot of jumping and jerking and crying and such in my sleep, but i don't remember anything. i do occasionally wake up with that feeling that i was falling. could just be that, who knows. i also have flashbacks usually at night, or when i'm very tired, they seem to be worse. i am thankful that i don't remember dreams/nightmares if i'm having them. like veiled said, everybody is a little different in the symptoms they have. you don't have to have them all. geeze, nobody wants you to have them all. a few are hard enough.
cathy
I thought I'd post an update to "my thread". Good news! I found out today my medical insurance includes consultation with psychiatrist and whatever treatment I need (counselling, psychotherapy, etc.). I've been referred to a psychiatrist on the NHS (UK free health service) but I've been on his waiting list for over a year, with no sign of anything happening. I just need to go back to my doc and get a referral to a private psychiatrist, then things can move forward pretty much immediately. I don't actually have a diagnosis but my doc agrees that it sounds like PTSD.
My symptoms are slowly getting worse, my memory and concentrated are deteriorating and my panic attacks are getting worse. Hopefully this will be the start of the road towards recovery, but I'm prepared for a struggle and for things to get worse before they get better.
Happy Easter!
Hi All,
I used to have very, very frequent nightmares of screaming and yelling at my parents to the point of hysteria in my dreams. I haven't had those for awhile (they went away when I first started going on ssri's), but in the past few months (currently not on ssri's) I've started having violent and scary dreams, but can't remember much about them in the morning. I don't think any of them reveal any new events that happened but are more of a reflection of how scared I am about how anxious and weird I have become in the last few months.
This morning I woke up crying and crying and couldn't stop for a while and took 1mg of xanax so by the time I got to work I was calmer (like now). I finally did get through to my med dr. and she agreed to try a low dose of lexapro. I am relieved, but also still anxious about it because she seems to be a control freak and I feel like my input is always explained away or discounted.
You would not believe the number of times I have gone in there intending to beg for ssri's (since I know they help me for a least a few months), and she talks me out of it. I'm starting to think that I need a new med dr.:drugs:
She gets defensive when I question her decisions (which I do very nicely, thank you very much), that doesn't seem very professional.
Yeah, bob, you totally need to get 'hooked' on that chamomile tea and not alcohol. I fantasize about drinking sometimes, but know that I will be worse off. The anxiety is soooo great that anything to knock me out sounds great...but plug along I must - to not complicate the mess my life is right now.
I gotta try some of that tea, man.
I went to see a private phsych today, I explained everything. She was reluctant to give a diagnosis after one session, which is understandable, but she did say something along the lines of "some would say it's PTSD, some would say you've been through a rough patch" which I found a bit annoying. She also had an annoying habit of interrupting me while I was talking and making me forget what I was going to say.
She told me to give up the :pot: and cut down on the :occasion: No surprises there.
She also refered me for some CBT - yay! - and prescribed me 2.5mg elanzopine daily to help with insomnia. Anyone here tried elanzopine? She said it was a non-addictive (something) tranquilizer and anti-physchotic.
anthony
07-06-2007, 02:08 PM
No, not used that one myself.