9/11 and PTSD

[mayertl]

My name is Terry, and I have been diagnosed with PTSD, although it is much worse now than when it was diagnosed.

Following the 9/11 attack on the Pentagon, I was assigned to lead the mortuary effort. I do not have a background in mortuary and have avoided death my entire life. I'm sure you can all imagine the gruesome mess this was without going into nasty details.

I have since retired from the military and my wife and I are living in Costa Rica. That presents some challenges in itself, since we are over 4 hours from the shrink I saw last week in San Jose.

It is almost comforting to see some of the symptoms posted here that I have started experiencing of late. Right after the month at the morgue, I started experiencing flashbacks. That symptom came and went for a few years. For the last few months, I am having the anxiety and isolation that so many of you mention. Pretty bad with lots of nausea and chest pains. Exercise helps and I have just been put on some meds. Hoping for "better living through chemistry."

Look forward to hearing from you,
Terry

[piglet]

Welcome Terry. I really can't imagine what you must have experienced, but I feel humbled by your presence here. I hope you find this forum as helpful as I do.

[anthony]

Hey again Terry. I have just given you access to the PTSD only area now, where you can chat about certain topics you may want kept private from the general public or spouses. Its not about keeping secrets, its about allowing people a place to vent when they can't vent to love ones or professionals. Also contains some great reading about the exact things you have already mentioned.

[mayertl]

Hi Piglet...no humbleness allowed :-)
I did what I had to do, and we were successful in what we did. I am new to suffering the extremeties of PTSD, so a lot of what I learn here is new to me. Thank you for your welcome. Terry

[mayertl]

Thanks Anthony, I will try to figure it out. There is a lot about this site that I haven't figured out, yet. I will.
I am fortunate in that 1. I don't have the anger to lash out at people close that so many have...I have anger, but normally aimed in the right directions. As you might guess, I support the war on terror, although many foreseeable mistakes were made. And 2. Whether healthy or not ( I don't know) I have surpressed many memories. Be glad to expand if interested.
Thanks for the support, Terry

[anthony]

Mate, thats what where here for. I would love to hear about your experience in detail thanks. I would be quite appreciative to learn such insight from some behine the scenes of 9/11. You did a great job, and are now suffering because of it. I think you will get some relief getting things off your chest, and actually knowing that we understand what is going on within you, as we suffer the same each day. The more you get out of you, the easier it becomes to analyze that information and help yourself. Knowing your fears, knowing your trauma, then learning how to control it, not suppress it, will be the ultimate goal for you to getting much better than you are now.

Terry, totally up to you mate whether you post about it here, or in private in the PTSD only section. Everything posted in there is only available to PTSD sufferers, for direct support and help to yourself.

[mayertl]

Thanks Anthony...
As I think about what you say, I think I will post on the PTSD section...and be graphic. Maybe I haven't done enough of that. Maybe let out some of the anger and frustration I felt at the time. I need to get my thoughts together first.
Terry