My Tragedy and PTSD - My Girlfriend Died in My Arms

[anonymous]

I am only 17 and I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I should say that this is very hard for me to do because I have never talked to anybody about it.

A little over a year ago my girlfriend was killed in a car accident right by my side. I pulled her out. She bled to death right in my arms. The severe guilt of not being able to do anything has tortured me and still does. I wish I was in her place so much. She was so beautiful. I was and still am in love with her in the deepest way. It hurts so much. I also injured my head in the car accident, which damaged my brain in weird ways. I do not understand it really, I just cant show any positive emotions. It has severely affected my sleep. I have nonstop nightmares all of the time. People have woken me up telling me the things I do such as talking, sounding scared, and curling up. The dream always involves something about the car accident like I am trying so hard to change what happened. I will stop for now because it is getting hard to write, but i will continue later.

-T

[anonymous]

When it first happened, I was so afraid and did not tell anybody about it and did not talk to anyone. I was scared they would think I was rubbing it in their face, or would think I was trying to make them feel bad for me. I did not talk about anything for a year.

I would talk to my best friend, and he knew I was really depressed about something. He also would have to wake me up during nighttime when I stayed over because of the nightmares. I could not stop having them. Since the accident,I have not slept one night without a nightmare. Finally I had the
strength to tell him. It was so, so hard for me to talk about it and I hoped that he would respect that. He didnt. He started avoiding me, hanging out with other friends. He wouldnt let me hang out, and he would just find excuses for not talking to me.

He made me feel like a freak and I still do feel like one. Finally I lost all control just from exhaustion out of everything. I called him out on it. I told him he was being unfair. I yelled at him. I called and called nonstop until he answered. I forced him to explain, and begged to stay friends. I was so vulnerable after telling him and he just threw it back in my face. The thing is I still want to be friends with him. We dont speak, and I have not seen him since. I felt abandoned. I go to alternative school just to get away from him because I am so hurt from it. I know I should hate him, but he was my only good friend after what happened, and it was in my opinion a good friendship. I feel like just because of my girlfriend dying I have to lose my best friend
too? It is just not fair. I can say that all I want, but it will never change anything. And on top of this nothing has ever gone away.

I feel because my head was damaged in the accident, I will always have nightmares, and always lose my ability to be happy. I feel I will never be able to get over it as long as I live. Almost two years later all I think about nonstop is the accident or how hurt I was by my friend. I have no life. I sit in my room in the dark, at the computer when I am not at school. I feel as if my life is screwed and there is nothing I can do to change it. Maybe I am complaining and sureI have gotten the lecture on how to think positive and if I say I cant then I cant. But I do try to be happy. I will watch movies,
read. I do well in school. I used to be so normal, and now I feel anything but normal.

And then there is my girlfriend. I dont think I will ever be able to be with anyone else without the guilt of feeling like I am hurting her. I love her so much, and in one second in front of my face she is gone. She bled to death in my arms! I wish it was me instead just to save her. I would have done anything for her, but I never got the oppurtunity to.

I try so hard to not feel sorry for myself. I never talk to anyone about it. It hurts so much and its so dark I just cant deal with it. I feel too young to be going through this. I just want a friend or someone to talk to I dont care who it is just anybody. I do not know how to live anymore. What is going to happen to me when I get older? Am I going to be alone all of my life? Sometimes I grab my pillow at night and pretend I am hugging her. Usually, I cry myself to sleep which is immediately followed by a nightmare. I dont...I can't live a life like this. My Mom doesnt know what to do with me. She is nice but I just am too shy.

Before my dad killed himself, he used to beat
me because of the accident. He blamed me and thought I should be ashamed. It wasnt my fault, there was no intoxication involved, I wasnt driving so why should I be beaten because of this? He wastoo strong for me to fight back. I didnt know life could be this horrifying. I want so bad to just be a normal kid again but its a broken dream. How can one possibly recover from this? I have meds, but they do me no good. I want to move far far away to somewhere warm and sunny. Just live a nice quiet rest of my life in peace without having to suffer. I want a social life, but I cant I am scared I will freak people out and have a deathly fear that I will be rejected again. I want to try to have a peaceful life. I am all alone in this. I'm pretty shaken up right now so I am going to stop for now.

[Nam]

Hey Anon,

I'm glad you're here and expressing your feelings. First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. You've had enough tragedy for a life time. I'm going to point out a few things from today's post.

He made me feel like a freak and I still do feel like one. I believe you are going through what many of us have. PTSD has a way of showing who our real friends and family are. That doesn't mean that after a period of time, they won't return and give some well needed support. Some people are just very uncomfortable with any kind of intense emotion. We've all felt like freaks at one point. Just remember that what you are going through is completely normal and for anyone that has not gone through it themselves have no idea. Please, do not call yourself a freak anymore. Because you are not. You're hurting, that doesn't make you a freak.

I will always have nightmares, and always lose my ability to be happy. Always is a pretty definitive answer. You might feel as if this will go one forever, but it doesn't. After you heal, you will not have nightmares anymore. As you deal with your trauma and start to heal, you'll notice that your nightmares start to recede and gradually go away. Now, the non ability to be happy is a depression issue. Depression is also a huge component of PTSD, and something that I also suffer from. Depression warps the way you think. You have to try hard to change those ways. Stop putting yourself down, and stop telling yourself that this suffering will never end. It will, you just gotta heal first.

I dont think I will ever be able to be with anyone else without the guilt of feeling like I am hurting her. You don't ever have to stop loving her. But you do have to start living. Considering that she could have been your first love, this will take some time. Anon, instead of thinking that you wished you could have done something for her, remember that you were there to hold her. She did not die alone because you were there. That truly is a gift that you gave to her.

Before my dad killed himself, he used to beat
me because of the accident. He blamed me and thought I should be ashamed. OK, wow. This also needs to be addressed. This only compounds the trauma. What your dad was doing is called secondary wounding. He's basically keeping the wound open and not letting it heal, making a bigger scar. You know that you are not at fault. You said this. Believe it. You are not at fault.

So, if I have this straight, when you were sixteen you were in a bad car accident in which your girlfriend was killed. Your father then beat you because of the accident. Did your father beat you ever before the accident? And when did your father commit suicide? That is one horrible year.....

I want to move far far away to somewhere warm and sunny. This sounds wonderful, but your feelings will follow you there. You can't run from this. All the nightmares, all of the emotional breakdowns, and guilt are signs that you must start to deal with this trauma. It won't go away.

This is huge step for you to come to this forum to tell us about your pain. But I want you to go further. Gather up your courage to live life again. Find a therapist or counselor. See a psychiatrist if you are thinking of med changes. And finally, even though there is no one right there to comfort you, we are here. You do not have to go about this alone, but it does take courage to go forward with healing.

[anonymous]

Thank you for replying. I do not really care for my father, and it does not bother me as much as other things do. He had problems with drugs and alcohol earlier in his life so he was always a pain to be around. They were divorced since I was four. I wasnt abused before the accident, but he was always a little violent and immature. I dont want to sound mean, but him commiting suicide was a relief for me. I dont want to sound wimpy but he was a big dude, I could not defend myself. And I know many people suffer from abuse so I dont want to sound ignorant. Im sure people suffer years of abuse and I am glad it was only a year for me. I did get hospitalized though because he bashed my head into a brick wall. I am just grateful that chapter of my life is over.

I have already had several combinations of meds, and I just dont think that is going to do me much good. I am just really quiet and shy, and am very unconfortable talking about it in person. I know that it is a therapists job, and they have probably seen worse, but I just think that typing here may be a good idea for now. When I am at the therapists I just think of other things to talk about. I feel safer here where I know people can know about it without me making them unconfortable. It still is hard enough putting it on here as it is. I just cant keep it in any longer.

[veiled]

Well, feel free to vent here and we will be as supportive as we possibly can. I am not sure how much direct advice we can offer you though really. That one is going to be Anthony's call, the board owner. While yes, we will be here and should for venting and I don't want to deny you that, but you being under 18 may leave us as far as advice with our hands tied, I cannot say for sure if you may make it out of moderation, again not my call. But there is a lot you can glean from the board still.

But a couple books that may assist you and maybe you can get a hold of are "I Can't Get Over It" A Handbook for Trauma Survivors Second Edition by Aphrodite Matsakis, Ph.D.. A PTSD specialist. This one is directly geared for PTSD. The other is "Feeling Good Handbook" David D. Burns, M.D.. This one is mainly geared for depression but it involves a lot of the distorted thinking patterns we have with PTSD. Both involve fill in the blank or journals to do homework in. They can prove very helpful and make sure it is cleared with your doctor or guardian.

Again I do not want to deny support as we are a support group but I am unsure how much direct advice we can really give you. Not a single regular poster is a doctor, we are all with PTSD helping one another is the point.

But venting and getting it out of you is a good thing as bottled up never helps.

I am curious though do you live with your mother now? Does she know you have sought out an online support group? What is your home life like currently where you are? Ask them for assisting you in getting these books. Christmas is just around the corner! What type of therapy are you in? How often do you go? Do you have on going treatments or check ups from physical problems from the accident? Sorry, if that is a lot of questions.

[anonymous]

I dont know...maybe I shouldnt be here. I just didnt realize everyone that had this is much older than me. I am not really asking for professional advide or anything like that. Just somewhere where I can talk about it would be nice. I am sorry- I dont want to be somewhere where I dont belong or will be distracting so if thats the case then I will go if you need me to. I dont consider myself immature and I wont be rude or anything.

[veiled]

Not everyone is much older. There are certainly all age groups here no doubt. And again as I said we will be as supportive all we can. Another editor was fresh from highschool on her way to college. A lot of us have childhood PTSD... You are certainly not alone or being chased off. Again it is better to vent than bottle. I hope you keep venting.

[cookie]

anon, stay with us, vent, get it out, it will help. You are not alone in this any more. you will not just be "poof"! better one day, but you will gradually get better . sounds like you are a good student. start thinking about where you want to go to college, what you want to do for a living, etc. it may be a while before you get to them, but you definately can.
cathy

[anonymous]

My relationship with my Mom is not a bad one, it is just...just. I think she feels really bad for me and just lets me do my own thing. She supports me at least. I just cant bring myself to talk around people. I am almost a mute in a way. I am just very very shy now. I dont know why. Maybe it is because I am always sleepy and exhausted. I cant go to sleep because I will have really bad nightmares.

Right before the falling out with my friend and after I told him about it, he supported me in a way. He promised he didnt want me to be alone in all of this. I guess he was just telling me what I wanted to hear at the time because immediately after he was just hurting me more. Now I feel as if I cant never tell anyone because then everyone I know will go away in the end. I dont think he knows how much he hurt me. He probably wouldnt even recognize me. Maybe it is weird to obsess over one friend, but it hurts when the only person that knows about it abandons you.

[Nam]

Maybe it is weird to obsess over one friend, but it hurts when the only person that knows about it abandons you.

I'm sure it hurts, but now he is not the only one that knows. We all know now too. And we support you, and I guarantee that this site will be here for a long, long time....

[Terry]

Anon, stick with it. You mentioned your lack of emmotion. I think thats caused by the PTSD. That is one of the things I hear regularly about me. I don't smile and I don't frown. Just kinda there. Stay with us friend. Life does get better.

[anonymous]

I just woke up from nightmares so I am going to type. I am always shaken up and scared after them. It is like I am forced to think about it 24/7. I just cant take this. I feel like I am being tortured. I am sorry, I cant think right now so I will go away for now.

[veiled]

Anon, being haunted 24/7 is a fact we have... In the beginning. Yes it gets easier. Type what you are feeling and vent it out. It is a step in the right direction.

[veiled]

I also want to add real fast you have been pulled from moderation so free to post, so get to posting hon and get it out.

[anonymous]

For a long time after the accident I was injured too. I just didnt really care because I was just so devastated and still am about my girlfriend. I got stabbed by some glass chunks in my stomach, and for a little bit after I would cough up blood now and then. Sometimes I have phases where I will pass out or think the accident was happening again. Sometimes my dreams seem really like they are happening. I feel like I am in a dark hole. It is just really hard for me to get by. Sometimes I get a little too crazy and will start talking to her like she is listening. What is wrong with me? I feel so out of place and unbelonging and like I have no use anymore. I dont feel important or anything. I am too scared to talk to people, I am so shy. I feel like at any random second something bad will happen just like that. And something important will be gone. Everything scares me like riding in cars is hard. I will jump if anyone even makes a movement towards me even unintentionally. If someone comes up from behind, I get freaked out really easily like I am being attacked. It seems like I am too sensitive and fragile. If someone says something to me in the wrong way I will not be able to handle it, I will just go to my bed. I am done for now.

[veiled]

well, first posting here you need to not be senisitive (or try hard) to what others say. Being in the same boat we kind of just say whay we think and it is not always sensitive. But again remember all responding are going through the same.

Everything you mention is very normal. The part of speaking with her is normal for those even without PTSD.

I have had a stressful night so I cannot say much of use, but I want you to know you have not said anything we don't all deal with... We do have better days with time and some days are ehh... you just don't want to talk about.

[anonymous]

Today was another hard day. I woke up from a nightmare. My g/f was dying with me right there, and my hands had blood all over. Sometimes when I wake up I am crying, Is that normal? Then I went to school and put my head down the whole time. Thank you for replies. At least somebody knows.

[veiled]

anon, it is very normal to wake with emotional responses. Damn I think just about anything you can come up with is par for the course... it sucks but it is so. In time when you work though the emotional aspect and issues it gets easier. May not seem like it, but it does.

[Nam]

hang in there anon. Vent and talk as much as you need to.

[anthony]

Anon, every single thing you have stated here is perfectly normal with trauma. Not one thing is left field as such. Anon, trauma is like a thorn in your arse, in that if you leave it their, it hurts. If you pull it out, it hurts more, but by pulling it out, the pain goes away eventually. You will never forget the pain or the thorn, but the pain itself has subsided. Think about what your doing here as slowly pulling that thorn out of your backside.

Now, lets get to the guts of the issue anon.

What age where you when the accident occurred?
Who was driving?
How did the accident occur?
Where you wearing seatbelts?
What speed did the accident occur?
What where the weather conditions the accident occurred?
Was there other vehicles / people killed or injured / involved?
How did you get out of the car?
How did you get your girlfriend out of the car?
What did your girlfriend die off exactly?
Have you had an MRI for your head trauma?
If so, what where the results?
Did you attend your girlfriends funeral?
Do you now have your license?I have lots more to ask, but lets deal with the above first.

[anonymous]

I will answer your questions the best I can. I may get a little emotional because it is hard to do this.

What age where you when the accident occurred?
I was 16 years old.

Who was driving?
My friend was driving the car. He was killed too, sorry for not mentioning it. He was crushed by the other car. It's not like it didnt matter or anything, It just seems like too much to type about. It was not an extremely close friend, so his death did not affect me as much as my g/f.

How did the accident occur?
We were simply just driving through an intersection, and some kid who I guess did not see us ran the light. He was killed because the steering column got jammed into him.

Where you wearing seatbelts?
Yes we all were. However it didnt help my g/f out because she got smashed into from the side.

What speed did the accident occur?
We were going 40-50, and the kid was going about 60. I cannot be for sure. I did not do much investigating into it because I was very and still am sick about it.

What where the weather conditions the accident occurred?
It was nighttime and snowy.

Was there other vehicles / people killed or injured / involved?
Just the only two cars. So 3 were killed. My friend, girlfriend, and a d-bag.

How did you get out of the car?
Well the car actually rolled over, so we were upsiddown. I bumped my head really hard, and was cut up pretty bad by glass. Most of my side was not devastated, so I crawled out through the window. All the glass from the window got stuck to my skin, but fell off.

How did you get your girlfriend out of the car?
I crawled over, and her door somehow managed to open despite being warped. I unbuckled her. She was awake. I dragged her out without trying to hurt her. She was trying to talk to me, but couldnt. She had been stabbed by a lot of glass chunks in the stomach area. Some glass got jammed in her stomach. I just told her not to look, and tried to tell her it would be alright. There was so much blood everywhere. Then I just hugged her, and the next time I looked at her face, she was gone. Then the ambulances came because I guess someone near probably saw or heard the crash.

What did your girlfriend die off exactly?
She passed away from blood loss.

Have you had an MRI for your head trauma?
I have had several brain type screenings.

If so, what where the results?
I do not understand it well, but in the pictures one section of my brain is a different color than it should be. They said it was cause by the accident, and it was the section that helped mental/emotion functions work properly. However, I have been diagnosed with ptsd.

Did you attend your girlfriends funeral?
I do not really think I can explain this without losing it, but no. sorry...

Do you now have your license?
Yes I have a car and liscense. I do not drive when I dont have to, and sometimes I see a car just coming out of the corner of my eye really fast. Every day maybe 10 time I will have flashbacks. Sometimes of that, sometimes of my girlfriend. The same goes for the nightmares.

Well I answered the best I could. Thank you for responses.

[anthony]

Ok anon, this is going to be quite large, so hang in there with me. I wanted the answers to the previous before I answered many of the issues you raised, so I could have a better understanding of what you are feeling, thinking and the situation itself.
The severe guilt of not being able to do anything has tortured me and still does.
Anon, your feeling guilty because she died instead of you. This is not something you can control. If it is someones time to go, it is there time. People say they cheated death, so they beat when it was their time to go, but in actual fact, if they cheated it, it wasn't their time to die at all. When its your time to die, you die, and their is little anyone can do about it.

Anon, where you qualified at the time of the accident in CPR, or medical knowledge to remove glass from her stomach? Did you know how to save a life? If not, then what exactly could you have done differently? I don't see you could have done much to be honest, except what you did, by holding her in her last moments upon earth. She was with you, the person she loved. Even if you had medical qualifications or experience, you would have had no tools, nothing to treat her with. You would still be in the same situation. I say this, because sometimes people go running off after an event and try to rectify it occuring again, so they are better qualified. It doesn't change a great deal at the end of the day under those circumstances, where she had lost so much blood so quickly.

Can you tell me why exactly you feel guilty?
I also injured my head in the car accident, which damaged my brain in weird ways. I do not understand it really, I just cant show any positive emotions.
I beg to differ anon. If you can't show any positive emotions, then you could not show love towards her. Kind off counters that theory, doesn't it? You can show positive emotions, your just not thinking hard enough. It is always easier to identify negative emotions, because they often are the clearer of the two within the brain. Teaching youself how to find positive emotions, actually isn't that difficult. Basically, for every negative thought you have, you find two positives. For example, your girlfriend died (negative), you love her deeply and where with her in her last moments feeling her warmth and love in return (both positives).

When you apply this to yourself, and perform these actions for every negative thought, over time, it then becomes instinctive to immediately find the positives to counter negatives, which helps you from going into depression over anything negative within your life or thoughts.
It has severely affected my sleep. I have nonstop nightmares all of the time. People have woken me up telling me the things I do such as talking, sounding scared, and curling up. The dream always involves something about the car accident like I am trying so hard to change what happened.
Anon, don't be alarmed by nightmares, as they are merely what occurs from fear of trauma. You lost your girlfriend in a car accident, so immediately your mind has a fear of cars, driving, the implication of an accident and also most likely will impact your relationships in the future, ie. girlfriend is driving somewhere, you will be wanting to know she is safe the entire time, which could cause you to lose the relationship because she thinks your controlling her, or being over the top on her safety.

As you heal your trauma, and find reason and logic to help your mind calm itself, your nightmares will subside as a result. Nothing you can do directly trying to stop nightmares will work, because your trauma, and the fear of that trauma is what is feeding your nightmares and producing them. Nothing more. Heal the cause, you no longer have the symptom.

He started avoiding me, hanging out with other friends. He wouldnt let me hang out, and he would just find excuses for not talking to me.

Anon, this is nothing more than the human mind simply not knowing what to do or say. It is easier for him to walk away than to help you deal with your problems through support. Basically, your friend just doesn't know what to do or say, how to help, which makes them feel very lost, inadequate and so forth in regards to being your friend. This is what happens at the root level, your friend just doesn't understand it, hence the easy clear option is to walk away.

I feel because my head was damaged in the accident, I will always have nightmares, and always lose my ability to be happy. I feel I will never be able to get over it as long as I live.
Totally incorrect facts within your thoughts anon. You will stop having nightmares once you heal your trauma. You will get back into life once you heal your trauma and learn how to manage PTSD effectively. You will never get over it, because that is impossible. You will however learn to come to terms with your trauma, keep things in perspective, look at the emotional level of the trauma, because that is where the issues lay.

You can heal anon, you just have to do some very hard work in order to achieve it, and trust me, it is hard. Just ask anyone here who is healing / has healed a majority of their trauma. You will spend a lot of time down, depressed and so forth, but that is where the brain is most vunerable to relearning, which is why you must go down in order to come back up further during the healing process. Each time you go down, you will come up stronger.

And then there is my girlfriend. I dont think I will ever be able to be with anyone else without the guilt of feeling like I am hurting her.
Anon, I don't agree with this at all. I understand Love, as most people do. Love is a perpetual agreeement, in that if you had died, would you want your girlfriend to never be happy with another person again? Would you want her to merely mourn you for the rest of her life? I doubt it... so why would you think she would be any different? Loving again does not mean you have to stop loving your girlfriend. She left you quickly anon, and that was out of your control, but it doesn't mean that continueing to live your life means you have forgotten her, or stopped loving her.

You will love again anon, have faith in yourself. You just need to be kind to yourself for a while, heal your trauma, and then move on into the rest of your life.

What is going to happen to me when I get older? Am I going to be alone all of my life? Sometimes I grab my pillow at night and pretend I am hugging her. Usually, I cry myself to sleep which is immediately followed by a nightmare. I dont...I can't live a life like this. My Mom doesnt know what to do with me.

Anon, not only do you mourn, you have to heal trauma. Be patient, and it will come if you want to work yourself hard enough to do so. With self work and time, you will heal and continue life, trust me, I have faith in your ability already.

Before my dad killed himself, he used to beat me because of the accident. He blamed me and thought I should be ashamed. It wasnt my fault, there was no intoxication involved, I wasnt driving so why should I be beaten because of this?
I'm glad you raised this actually anon, because you need to take your own advice here, "It wasnt my fault". Your dad obviously had issues of his own anon if he killed himself, which means you where merely an object for him to release some of his frustrations, instead of getting counselling.

Im sure people suffer years of abuse and I am glad it was only a year for me. I did get hospitalized though because he bashed my head into a brick wall. I am just grateful that chapter of my life is over.
Anon, just be prepared to reopen it actually, because unless you can stick your hand on your heart and tell me that you don't feel any spite, remorse, or have thoughts about that period, then you will need to heal it also. Whilst one trauma is the catalyst to causing PTSD itself, once PTSD is present, to heal effectively you must heal every ounce of trauma within one's life, otherwise PTSD will use it to feed from. You will know this once you heal your more major trauma's, because aspects will come back too you and be on your mind if they have not been dealt with properly.

When I am at the therapists I just think of other things to talk about.
Anon, you have to get past this. This is exactly what I mean about not wanting to help yourself. Your therapist cannot help you, if you are not willing to help yourself by being honest with them. You must tell them everything, you must not hold back anything, regardless how uncomfortable you feel in regards to talking about it, you must tell them one way or another. Whether you write it down, print out what you have written here and give that to them, they must know in order to know exactly how to help you best.

Your not doing yourself any favours by not giving them the entire picture, let me just say that. Your not doing yourself any favours by not talking about this with your therapist. Self esteem is very much part of rebuilding life after PTSD, and your therapist knows this. Your therapist can help you directly rebuild self esteem first, in order for you to open up more, be more confident within yourself that what you say is just being you... without fear.

Sometimes I have phases where I will pass out or think the accident was happening again.
These are flashbacks anon. Flashbacks come in many forms, this being one of them.

Sometimes I get a little too crazy and will start talking to her like she is listening. What is wrong with me?
This is pretty normal actually anon for someone who lost someone they love very much. Part of it is because your refusing to let go of her. You believe if you let go, you have dismissed her, or no longer love her. Far from it. She is in your heart anon, and whilst you love her, she will always be in your heart. Your trauma is keeping you attached though, more than you need to be.

I feel like at any random second something bad will happen just like that. And something important will be gone.
Very normal part of trauma anon, nothing to worry about. This is another of those symptoms that will subside as you heal trauma.

I do not understand it well, but in the pictures one section of my brain is a different color than it should be. They said it was cause by the accident, and it was the section that helped mental/emotion functions work properly. However, I have been diagnosed with ptsd.
PTSD is a chemical imbalance of our neurological system. Basically, neurons from one side of our brain decide to switch sides into the less active side off our brain, which is the PTSD itself.

Did you attend your girlfriends funeral? I do not really think I can explain this without losing it, but no. sorry...
I actually didn't expect you too attend anon. Have you visitied her grave yet anon?

Yes I have a car and liscense. I do not drive when I dont have to, and sometimes I see a car just coming out of the corner of my eye really fast.
So what your saying, is that when your driving, your also reliving what occured? Has another car hit you from the side since the accident anon, even though you see them coming whilst your driving?

[anonymous]

i am back after a little while. I had pneumonia :brrr: and was really sick and doesnt much help with symptoms. I have been trying to get a job, but it has not been working. I have also been trying to have a positive attitude, but its really hard. Today is Valentines day, and It has been a really hard day for me. Its hard watching everyone be with people they love. I just want today to be over. I do not like holidays at all. Well just saying that i am back and ready to chat.

[Olly]

It says banned? - But still, i'm 17 and have PTSD too, so i can relate to you on the age

[oscarette]

''I dont know...maybe I shouldnt be here. I just didnt realize everyone that had this is much older than me. ''

Hey Anon,
First of all, Please let me say how sorry I am for your loss.
I have had PTSD since I was 18, and am 24 now. And I just wanted to say that anybody at any age can get PTSD, and I can only imagine how alone you must be feeling. Although you might think that you shouldn't be here on this website, you have just taken a very big step. In talking to others about how you truly feel, and hopefully find people who you can relate to and who can appreciate and relate to you.
And after all you have been through, I sincerely hope you can one day find the help and strength so you can start building for your future.