Understanding PTSD - Edited

[anthony]

I have rushed this together to get feedback from spouses and carers. I do not need to know about spelling or grammar issues, as the document will be fully re-written once edited (it currently sucks reading wise), but if you need more information anywhere, please let me know so I can add that into the final version before proofing and editing begin early next year, so the final version that goes live within the learning centre has everything you believe you need to know in understanding the sufferer.

This is now an updated version, final version, as at: 27 Sep 2007. Thank you Kathy, Evie and Jim if you had a hand in there also, for helping me get this edited and final.

[tig]

Anthony, It's very good-- I certainly have a better understanding after reading it. I sense you're writing an ending?

[Jim]

Thank you anthony. Have it saved, going to print and read.

Jim.

[jods]

Damn computers, I can't open it. Will wait till hubby is around to see if he knows how to. Looking forward to reading it! Again Anthony I can't thank you enough for taking the time to do this!

[anthony]

Your welcome. Good point Tig... yes, I do have a conclusion too it, and I have just been writing that this morning... not the usual summary type that documents have, but just a few different ways to look at things. You know, those lovely analogies of mine... :)

[Jen]

Thanks Anthony I have printed it out and will sit in a quiet corner and read it over the next couple of days looking forward to becoming a bit more educated.:claps:
Jen

[batgirl]

I found it printed out on my desk here and just finished reading it. It's really good anthony.

[Jen]

Hi Anthony your information package is very good and explains a lot.
One thing that I as a spouse would like to understand more is what is going on in hubbys head ( I will use him as an example).I understand over time trauma is eating away at him bit by bit and weakens his mental capabilities but what does he see? I hope this isnt confusing to you!
When he is laying in bed while his wife goes to work is his mind thinking gee I should be getting out of bed and doing something ( which is what I would do) or is his mind completely somewhere else.
When he asks my opinion on a simple decision, as his confidence and self esteem is rock bottom is it to check on himself, in the Army 25 years getting to Warrant Officer it still surprises me about this one.
One thing I often think about what is going through his head is it a blur is his mind racing all over the place?
Is it a feeling you get when you are pissed (tiddly) like a numbness? I find myself sitting there looking at him when he doesnt know thinking what is going on in your head now?
I told Hubby about your information he seemed interested so hoping he may read it.
Thanks Jen!

[anthony]

I understand over time trauma is eating away at him bit by bit and weakens his mental capabilities but what does he see?
In his mind, he is basically continuously reliving every ounce of trauma in his life, over and over, like watching a movie. This is what PTSD does, in that we make it grow, larger than what it should be, larger than what the initial trauma caused it to be, we are our worst enemy, have no doubt.

If you think about something that goes wrong in your life, what do you do with that information? You dwell upon it, think about it, maybe resolve it. If you resolve it, emotion goes away. If you don't, it gets stored in your memory bank as an emotion that it is. Now whilst you can do this and not get much backlash as a result, when you have so much trauma, and abnormal life trauma at that, all these emotions (PTSD) are now joined, so many of them and it gets worse depending on trauma duration, how many unique situations, etc etc. Put them into a tumble dryer and turn it on, that is now what is happening in his mind. If you removed the front door of that tumble dryer whilst spinning and tried to find the right emotion to what you felt, how would you? You couldn't, because their not sitting still long enough. That is whats going on in his mind... trying to find something so simple, but yet so far away.

PTSD loves to create its own trauma. Think of PTSD like a pepetual device, it just keeps increasing with time. PTSD does the same, because as he thinks about his trauma, tries to find emotions, he is also making conclusions which don't exist, what ifs, how come, etc etc... basically feeding himself more negative information, creating it so to speak. PTSD thus relies on negative emotions, fear and everything bad, so what does PTSD tell the mind to do? Lets create our own.

Ok, now I am probably confusing you... lets think images.

Think of your brain as the sun. Our emotions are water. We then have our tear ducts and mouth for speaking. Between the sun (brain) and our tear ducts and mount (emotional outlets) we have a space. What does the sun do to water? It evapourates it into a cloud form (mixes emotions if many). Now, what do women do best? They talk and they cry. What do males do best? Not talk and not cry. As an emotion goes in (water) our brain absorbs it (the sun). Whilst a low number of emotions go in and get evapourated, there is still not much to put them together, retrieve them. When people do this, the formed cloud between the sun and our outlets, we talk or cry and release the cloud, or for a easier though, the cloud rains, thus releasing the formation of the cloud itself. No more cloud and a clear view between the sun and its outlets (clear thought).

Whats a common thing you hear here in regard to people who have PTSD? Something bad happened and they didn't talk about it. They didn't allow the cloud to rain. So the sun has evaporated all these emotions, mixed them up and formed our cloud. What does heat also generate? Condensation. What is condensation? Water. What are we referring water to here? Emotions. So now our sun (brain) is creating emotions for us, evaporating them into our cloud and forming more emotions that came in through our five senses.

What eventually happens? In our space we have a very thick cloud, one that can no longer see our outlets in order to rain.

So what goes on in the brain then? Nothing much past creating more emotions from the only thing we can see, the cloud.
When he is laying in bed while his wife goes to work is his mind thinking gee I should be getting out of bed and doing something (which is what I would do) or is his mind completely somewhere else.
Now your compareing your mind without the cloud, to his mind with it. You now know about the emotional cup, which is where all our cloud is stored. He knows he has to get out of bed, but remember the cup when broken down, he also has these other emotions in there, so what he is thinking without knowing, is I am about to explode, but by laying here in bed it is under control. Why? Because he isn't adding that good stress to his day yet, because his cup is so full of all the negative emotions instead.

When he asks my opinion on a simple decision, as his confidence and self esteem is rock bottom is it to check on himself, in the Army 25 years getting to Warrant Officer it still surprises me about this one.
Jen, his past is so clouded now that he can't find all the positive emotions within him, instead all he see's is this big negative cloud. It doesn't take much for negatives to outweigh positives, thus self esteem is shot to shit. He can become a very confident person once again, but he has to fight in order to break the cloud up a little so he can atleast get through it at times, not see through it at this point, but atleast fight his way through the cloud, grab a few positives, then come back again.

One thing I often think about what is going through his head is it a blur is his mind racing all over the place?
The same things go through our minds when PTSD controls us, its just that we can't do anything about them, because we know that if we do, we overflow our emotional cup in minutes and break ourselves. When we do this, our PTSD block of emotions expands two fold with this action, but doesn't come back very quickly, so our cup remains overflown for a day or two, with no room to handle any extra actions. Thoughts still remain, but that is as far as it goes.
Is it a feeling you get when you are pissed (tiddly) like a numbness? I find myself sitting there looking at him when he doesnt know thinking what is going on in your head now?
Its complete frustration that is often present. We want to do thing, but know if we do, we will explode. We have thoughts of doing everything as we always have, but can't because we explode, thus frustration is caused within ourselves, being another of those pepetual emotions that continue to increase.

[Jen]

Ok Anthony I am starting to understand it now!
He knows he has to get out of bed, but remember the cup when broken down, he also has these other emotions in there, so what he is thinking without knowing, is I am about to explode, but by laying here in bed it is under control. Why? Because he isn't adding that good stress to his day yet, because his cup is so full of all the negative emotions instead.

So being in bed may be a bit of a security blanket? But as you say he needs to get his butt moving.

Jen, his past is so clouded now that he can't find all the positive emotions within him, instead all he see's is this big negative cloud. It doesn't take much for negatives to outweigh positives, thus self esteem is shot to shit. He can become a very confident person once again, but he has to fight in order

I really hope that confidence comes back you can see in his eyes a real questioning look like am I doing this right? With anything like cooking dinner to any little job?
BUT I must say he seems a little bit better lately still not getting out of bed but his mood seems a bit better so one step at a time.
Anthony thank you for helping me understand what is going on his head!!
Jen

[anthony]

Correct Jen, he does need to get out of bed and going in the day, because the good stress is healthy for him, meaning he is up, moving, getting his mind active. So if he is removing good stressors because so many bad are sitting within him, you both to isolate and find some of these bad stressors and remove them instead, thus replacing back the good stressor to get out of bed, showered, shaved and motivated. Once motivated, then work on one emotion at a time. He has the tools and information to do this from the course, he just has to want too. Tell him not to try and solve big problems, but instead go little. Baby steps is how we move back into leaps, then bounds, then running. Kinda like crawling before we walk. That is what he must do now. He is putting more bad stressors within him, just thinking to large at the moment, putting himself down because he can't cope with big things, big tasks, bigger issues... because he is aiming to far. I know, I had to walk this same path. Start at baby steps... something very little, chip away at it and remove bad stressors, trauma, little by little. Find a little resolution each day, over a month that adds up. As more and more trauma is chipped, instead of having to take baby steps, he is then taking leaps and bounds, because he has that much more room to do so, thus taking chunks out of his trauma at that point.

You see, the initial getting going is the hard part, because we all aim to high at first. Step back, get him to slow down, and look at little pieces of emotions that he can resolve, find reason and discuss, so he no longer fears something, and turns fear into just a bad memory. It works Jen, he just has to see it... start little and it progresses into bounds before he'll know it.

[Jen]

Thanks Anthony he seems to be trying to please me all the time with every little thing always asking is everything ok. This is ok but I dont like to be crowded. I am not going to say anything to him about this as he may step backwards and I dont want that. I think he still feels guilty about what we went through at the start of the year.

]Once motivated, then work on one emotion at a time. He has the tools and information to do this from the course, he just has to want too.
Would it help if I talk to him about this one to try and help him with this?
Thanks Jen

[Jen]

Anthony Jen again just reading through the forum and noticed this comment that you write.
He will never be the person he was, ever. You do not see or live in those conditions and come back exactly the same.
OW that really hit home with me! That made me quite emotional. That is so sad!
I probably knew it deep down but didnt want to accept the fact that he has changed from the guy I married.
Jen

[anthony]

He has Jen, and will never be the before bi-product as such. You know, as scary as that sounds, every single person changes through time, its just that when we don't go away for a long period, or get exposed to an emotionally significant event, people just don't notice. If you look at yourself 10 years ago, and then look now... are you the same person? I don't believe so. So why would you expect to still be married to the same person you met so long ago?

[anthony]

Jen, it would help you both to talk lots more about everything that comes to be an issue with either of you. That is what a relationship is, sorting through all these little daily issues, before they become big issues.

[Jen]

Thanks Anthony no I dont suppose I am the same person as I was 10 years ago when we were married but not such a drastic change as such. If anything I have learnt to harden up.
Martha said Hubby did not open up as much as she was hoping he would so she is arranging for him to get extra counselling.He does not talk about his thoughts very easily.
But his moods are a bit better I think he is enjoying having our son home on leave as well he just seems to be a little bit happier with him around as long as this mood doesnt leave when he goes back!
I hope you and Kerri Anne and family have a lovely Xmas Day.
We will be spending the day in the pool they say its going to be a hot one.
Jen

[Jen]

Make that we were married 25 years ago gee thats quarter of a century all of a sudden I am feeling a bit old:doh:

[veiled]

I am only posting here because hubs read but did not post, his response was to me... He knows why I act bitchy now. Before I showed him this thread I was stressing over getting to my new home, I asked have you seen Anthony's cup? I took two cups to the sink and gave him a basic run down, said here is my life OK???? Stomped off.

But as usual Anthony puts it in a way better perspective and nicely. Does it help his understanding yes... How hubs acts no.

But understanding is a step. It does what I have read help push me to get up and shower and make up, put on jewelery... That is a lot now. I pick and choose what I can do in a day. Today I got up at 4 PM for the day and FORCED myself to do the good stress, all I had. Trying to deal with bad stress over toddler wore my cross to the nativity and she took it off at grandparents, hubs put in pocket... now MIA. I am very upset and well it is little to most or all but it has left me "stuck". I am not upset with the baby, but hubs. Yeah, I hope it helps those who deal with us.

[gunnerbunny]

Anthony,
That is really informative. I have gotten a better insight with that than I have in the last six months from doctors and such. I am really looking forward to reading the final draft.
With all the stress did you ever have memory problems? My husband's biggest complaint (well this month anyway) is that his short term memory is completely gone (and has been for months). I have to call him three to four times a day to remind him of appointments or things he needed to do. That is on top of reminders on his PDA, computer at work, hand written notes, and alarms on his cell phone. Is this kind of memory loss common with PTSD?

[anthony]

GB, memory is a huge problem with PTSD, as our minds our clouded with trauma itself. Basically, our mind is consumed with trauma, or preoccupied as such, which leaves little space for memory itself.

[Jen]

Hubbys memory is shocking at the moment.
He said he cant remember anything that we did at our business in January when I was trying to work out a few things.He gets cranky over this I said dont worry we have other ways of finding things out in our filing system
( thank God)
Anyway I have talked him into coming for a drive up to Innisfail for weekend so far he wants to go.
Couldnt get out of bed this morning to go and say goodbye to son at airport:wall:
He is really down at the moment hopefully weekend away may be helpful?
Jen

[Jen]

Well so much for that idea now he doesnt want to go away for weekend says he doesnt feel well. I think I will go I am not sitting around the house moping all weekend with him he said he doesnt mind me going!
Happy New Year!!
Jen

[juls]

Thanks Anthony. I've read this and made some notes. I hope that I will be able to express myself as well as you someday and help so many others!

[Jen]

Hi Anthony I got your PM thanks. I remember reading somewhere on the forum about other sicknesses that come with PTSD.
Hubby gets Irritable Bowel he has had every test possible to see if there were any ulcers etc but nothing to serious was found. The last few days he has had IBS and bad stomach cramps he gets it quite a lot but this last week has been worse. This is from the PTSD isnt it?
Jen

[anthony]

Yep... stress totally screws with the body, hence IBS. IBS is a known with PTSD, and more prevalent than not. They do the tests to ensure it isn't something else, when all other are discarded, it comes down to IBS. The other thread that your thinking about is http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread253.html.

[becvan]

Yeah I have IBS, but instead of saying that (they did every test known to man) they tell me it's dairy?? Which I don't eat..

Bec

[anthony]

Yer... idiots! Veterans and vet affairs here are a bit different, in that if IBS is diagnosed, then they send you off for the probe in your arse, all the tests known to ensure no cancers exists or other causes, then they accept IBS. Talk about an expensive means to come to a conclusion... DOH!

[Jen]

Yep hubby had all the tests, probe down the throat one up the bum. Visits to naturapath even acupuncture, blood test etc.
And after all the tests were done and results were back I went with him to see his GP his GP turned to me and said well all the results show nothing but dont forget he is F****ED in the head ( Anthony knows this doc bedside manners):smile:
I can usually tell when the IBS is going to play up if he gets to stressed over something it usually follows the next day.
Jen

[wildcritter44]

Anthony,

I found this info very informative. We would like to learn more about the tests done for determining PTSD. How to locate Doctors that are the "good" Drs that know what they are doing.

U.S. of A. V.A. doesn't always "help" our veterans. They load them up on meds & drag out the testing they do over a period of months in to sometimes years. They conveniently "lose" records. It's truely sad that our military people are not treated with more respect & consideration for the job they endured so that our country has it's freedom.

ranger has PTSD (low cost clinic dr determined). V.A. has not yet acknowledged it, might not ever do so do to lost records.

rangers reactions are very much like you described in the military cup of overflowing at most times, slow to recover, etc. volatile most times.

The info helps and should be of great help to those of us family members of a PTSD sufferer..

Thank you


D

[anthony]

D, you will generally find the good trauma experts from VA type centers, ie. the civilian doctors and therapists, not the military one's, as they generally are in the know about them. I don't know what your VA centers are like in the US, but if they are run by civilians, then they would be able to point you in the right direction of local trauma experts, however; if run by military, wasteing your time.

If you find the civilian support centers, they will generally know who's who in the zoo of trauma experts, and who simply wants to prescribe lots of medications and do no work.

[anthony]

The original post has now been amended with the final version of this. Thank you again Kathy, Evie and (Jim if he had a hand in this) for helping to get this final version done.

[Jim]

All I did was read and approve but your welcome. ;-) Well done.

Jim.