Nuggets Mental Imagery

[nugget]

WARNING: If you plan on submitting your own mental imagery interview for assessment, DO NOT read the proceeding first, instead fill out your own interview first, then read these, so your current mental image is not skewed, resulting in a possible inaccurate emotional state being returned to you.

Q1. What colour is the road? Redish
Q2. What texture is the road? Sandy
Q3. How solid is the road? Soft

You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

Q4. How do you cross the river? Swimining holding on to a floating branch
Q5. What does the water look like? Muddy/Murky
Q6. How fast is the water current? Slow
Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what? Cant see

You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

Q8. What colour is the house? Light green
Q9. What condition is the house in? Run down
Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who? Old man

We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

Q11. What colour is the cup? White
Q12. What condition is the cup in? Broken
Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what? Dirt

You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail? Im at the bottom of a cliff thats all i can see both ways
Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle? I cant it goes beyond my vision

[nugget]

// Start Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //

Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

// End Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //

1) Redish, Blood stained
2) Sandy, Hard to walk on
3) Soft, Like at the beach near the waters edge
4) Swimming/Floating, I cant swim fear of drowning
5) Muddy/Murky, Like damm water
6) Slow, Just enough current to pull me side ways but not enough to stop me
7) Cant see, So Muddy
8) Light green, like he found a old tin of paint and used it
9) Run dwn, Had roof sheets missing no windows no gardens
10) Old man, He looked happy and content
11) White, An old tea cup just thrown away
12) Broken, Broke in two
13) Dirt, Burried half in the ground been there years
14) Cliff, I can see it and feel it but i do not know why its there so vividly
15) Beyond my vision, Feels like i have come far enough and hit my wall each way i look its just up and hard going its draining me looking at the cliff.

[anthony]

You are highly emotional about an incident within life, which you find extremely difficult to navigate and are quite dysfunctional at present. You have trust towards sexual relationships; though have been victimized in the past. You possibly feel that sexual relationships have grown stagnant from past deception due to a feeling of self depreciation. You are in denial of losing control within intimate relationships, possibly even a feeling of entrapment due to past victimization. You are aware your support systems have not always been present, and possibly are asking yourself, “What is normal?” There is an alienation from possibly your mother growing up, a lack of support from those who matter most, whilst a male family figure within your life is a cause of your victimization. You have an innocent idealism towards commitment, naïve even, that you have been severely depreciated, hurt or victimized. You are not committed towards anyone or anything other than your partner. You demonstrate a severe dysfunction towards fearing your world may crumble, is crumbling now even, to a lower level of existence. You are frightened by the danger of falling into a painful and perhaps life threatening situation, which you see with complete hopelessness. You see little hope, and have even given up on life itself.

[anthony]

Nugget, you need to start a private diary I think mate, and start talking to me about your past, because you think your coping, though you are aware that your trauma has taken control of you now. Trauma can not be suppressed, it cannot be medicated, it cannot and will not magically dissapear over time like doctors believe. It must be gotten out in every single detail, every little emotional aspect that you feel, must not only be spoken about, but must be reasoned. You can talk about trauma till the cows come home, but if you don't believe or find acceptance towards your emotional problems, you will never heal them. Its not just about getting trauma out of you, but taking back reasoning and positive belief in oneself!

Once PTSD has formed, its not just about trauma anymore, its about every negative event that has occurred within your life, because every single negative emotion stems a residual amount of fear, fear is what feeds PTSD, and PTSD expands exponentially from fear, ie. PTSD is seen through symptoms fed by negative emotions.

[nugget]

Thanks Anthony, shit that was scary reading your reply it is oh so true what you have written. I shall start on a private ASAP Thanks Rob.

[anthony]

Nugget, before your cliff, there is another obstacle, what is it, and please describe it?

[nugget]

Anthony not putting any thought into the question which i mean im not looking to deeply into it. I see him running towards me its a vision i see any time i let my mind wonder. Putting some thought into it i thought may be some thing from my past to do with my sexual abuse but i can not bring any bad memories to the front. I can picture the events happening and taste and feel them but it dosent seem to bother me weired hope this some help. Thanks Rob

[anthony]

So is that obstacle a male person? Who is that male who has hurt you Rob?

[nugget]

The male is see is the arse wipe that ran out in front of my truck. My step father was the one who sexually abused me but i find it hard to see a picture of him as soon as i do my mind just shuts it out.
(I have some time today to start a private diary so i will start it from the first memory i can remember). Cheers rob

[anthony]

Before that obstacle of a male person Rob, there is another obstacle, what is it and please describe it?

[nugget]

As much as i think about it or not i can only come up with that people wont believe me regarding the suicide there wernt any witnesses i had to rely on the road evedence and the police findings. And my PTSD symptoms i fear that people cant see whats wrong with me they think im lying.

[anthony]

Rob, why does it matter what other people think? Plenty of things go on in this world mate that rely on only one persons statement, no witnesses. It doesn't make you a liar Rob because someone stepped out in front of your truck to commit suicide and nobody saw it directly. Lets look at the facts Rob:

# What does the police report outline about the incident Rob?
# Did the police breath test you? If so, what was the result?
# Did the police drug test you? If so, what was the result?
# Had you slept correctly with the allocated hours before driving?

[nugget]

You got me on all four questions,
The police report stated that id did all possible to avoid that i could have done
Yep was put on the bag. Neg reading
Tox report came back clean
I was a little over on my times nearly half an hour but the police said i had gone threw enough shit that they wouldnt worry about that.

I know in my heart whats right i have trouble connecting that message with the brain. It took over a year to obtain my letter that fully put me in the clear i had spent over a year thinking i was going to sped the next 15plus years locked up. Its hard to think straight when its yourself up against a bloke thats been hit buy a truck not much left of him if you get my drift i am working on this with my psychologist he reckons the time frame from the day of my accident till the letter only made my symptoms persist instead of being one trauma to deal with it had turned into many.

[anthony]

You got me on all four questions
Good, now memorize them Rob.
The police report stated that I did all possible to avoid that i could have done
Negative breathe reading
Negative drug reading
I was a little over on my times nearly half an hour but the police said i had gone threw enough shit that they wouldnt worry about that.It took over a year to obtain my letter that fully put me in the clear i had spent over a year thinking i was going to sped the next 15plus years locked up... ...my psychologist reckons the time frame from the day of my accident till the letter only made my symptoms persist instead of being one trauma to deal with it had turned into many.
I would agree with your psychologist Rob. For one year your brain constantly replayed the incident, looking to find confirmations whether you where at fault or not, and your admission by negation here: You thought you where going to jail for 15 years even though you knew you had done nothing wrong. That thought alone has caused you a full year of grief, and now continues to haunt you. Whilst you find relief knowing you have been officially cleared, the damage that thought caused is now done, and now you must undo it as such by finding the logical reasoning, but accepting the facts as beliefs, not just thoughts.

[nugget]

Thanks Anthony I thought it would be a simple matter of once i received my letter from the police things would click but now i know it goes deeper their were a few more hick ups with this matter. One was in the media report they reported that i was the one killed. Its very strange to see your name being reported as dead, even the police have admitted they stuffed up my case all these things just seemed to drag and make life hell it took over a year till i was given written confirmation that i was all clear i suppose it takes a few months till it sinks into the grey matter. Thanks once again Rob

[anthony]

Rob, that year of mental torment, I would even go as far as saying torture, will take just as long to undo now, if not longer, but definately the starting point is to know what is fact, what is not (your mind making shit up for you) and assimilating all the fact into your brain to overpower the fiction (myth), so that your mind can begin the process of knowing what is, and is not, factually correct. This will cease a lot of your symptoms alone, though you still have some other trauma pre-existing that was undealt...

Sounds easy, but to be honest, it is the toughest damn thing your ever going to do mate. Facing our past head on is the only way past this Rob, and I know you have it in you. Life is waiting you mate...

[nugget]

Cheers mate i have found trying to move ahead in big steps only makes me fall flat on my face so its just little steps forward and i seem to be making progress. Exposure therapy has helped me to no end but shit i dont think anybody can ready you for it, it shattered me at the start but i am now reaping the rewards of all the pain. (1 down about 20 to go)

[anthony]

Yer mate, it does take time, but its all worth it in the end. We all rush into things, especially us blokes, thinking we can conquer it all ASAP, to only learn it will take a good year or more when we really start to hit things, not pussy foot around them. Your doing great mate, and now doing more to help yourself than ever before. Keep it up buddy...