Do Your Family and Friends Support You?

[batgirl]

In my case, I have a tremendous amount of support. But I continue to be surprised that other people don't. So, I'm curious about people's levels of support, or lack thereof, from relatives, spouse, friends, etc.

[Andre]

I am partially ashamed of this, but no. I do not believe I can risk telling my family about this because so many of them also have it from war experiences and from accidents, but everyone is in denial. I question what to do sometimes but there is not much choice with what energy I can spare for anything. I have been able to tell my elder brother and his friend but even then I am hesitant to really explain that much. I have done this for so long already that it is almost too much momentum to change that part of my situation at all. It was not something I wanted to change before, instead it was something I was glad for as it let me keep things hidden, but I wonder how to go on to return to more of life now that I have a desire to live. Still, everyone around me is fragile and many are very close to actually dieing already so I do not want to stress them any more.

[batgirl]

That must be really hard, Andre, with several people in your family with trauma issues. I know I feel bad enough telling my family things, and they are not fragile at all.

[becvan]

I get sabatoged by everyone except my best-freind and my step-mom. They are the only support I have.

*shrugs* can't expect any more than that consider I have PTSD from my family.


bec

[veiled]

I have good support now. I have almost 10 phone numbers set out for me and the inlaws willing to drop everything to help in times of need if I crash at home with the little one. Very understanding people, just I am not as willing to let them in and see me down (it is emabarassing). But if I crash with the little one alone I would call. But when it comes from my own family, as is blood... None.

[anthony]

An interesting poll Evie... well done, great topic. I choose "somewhat" as I have enough to get by on, though more is always good.

[Marlene]

My family and friends have been wonderfully supportive of me through this. What's been difficult is accepting that help, especially when this all started. Being the 'strong one' it was hard to accept the support. Now that I figured out I don't have to be that person anymore, it's a lot easier to accept the help and support. And having my husband tell me, 'You've taken care of everyone for 20 years...now it's our turn to take care of you' really blew my mind.

The flip side of this is that there were a lot of people who I thought were friends and would be supportive. When it turned out that their friendship was just a 'good times' friendship that fell apart at the first bad time hit-man did it hurt! But I now know who really cares and who isn't worth my time.

[nov_silence]

I have people in my life that are supportive. My husband can be the strongest support or the last straw for me somtimes. I consider him and my sister my family. My mother? She doesn't get what I struggle with and I don't explain it to her anymore. My dad doesn't know that I have PTSD.

[mouse]

My friends and family KNow that I have PTSD a few have looked into what it is but most of my friends and family don't want to know to much or get involved

[Claire]

My parents are pretty useless although I dont think they mean to be. They just dont know how to help and I dont give them the opportunity to anymore either. Some friends are rubbish but I have found others that are very supportive. One is even training as a therapist so he understands loads of it. My friends and family are divided. The ones that know and help and the ones that do and dont.

[waynes]

From what I have observed, most people who know nothing about PTSD will be scared shitless when they learn that the world isn't the fuzzy, warm place that they think it is.
Trauma is something most people are not equiped to handle and that makes them run like chickens when confronted with someone elses pain.
Hell, I wanted to run! It is hard to believe what people will do to the ones they are supposed to love. My wife was abused by family.
What in the Hell short curciuts in a mans head that causes him to hurt the very people that he is supposed to die to protect. You see, I love my wife...More than myself. I am charged by God Himself to protect her from all harm. I can't run. But I can Fight!! I will do all I can to empower her to win against this PTSD!!!
I know that I may not have this condition myself, but when my best friend is affected by it, that makes it personal.
I'm sorry to sound a bit pissed but when I have seen how people have treated Marilyn when she tries to explain this to others I become very protective of her. Most don't understand and just plain don't want to hear about it. They want to stay in their little comfort zone without a worry in the world.. While others suffer.... Not me.. I want to help...

Wayne

[Jim]

What in the Hell short curciuts in a mans head that causes him to hurt the very people that he is supposed to die to protect.

Couldn't agree with you more Wayne. This is the very question that goes round in my head daily regarding my brother. Murdered his wife and son, attempted to murder his daughter. Makes no sense to me as a father and husband. Suicide perhaps, but taking your loved ones with you, who you are supposed to protect above your life, as you say? Never !!

I'm sorry to sound a bit pissed but when I have seen how people have treated Marilyn when she tries to explain this to others I become very protective of her. Most don't understand and just plain don't want to hear about it. They want to stay in their little comfort zone without a worry in the world.. While others suffer.... Not me.. I want to help...


Understand this too Wayne, as I am very protective of my niece. You are correct, many families do not wish to help. Frankly it floors me, the number of families that don't help. Disgusting. Never been able to understand it.

Jim.

[waynes]

Jim,
I'm so glad that Evie has you in her life. You sir, are one of the factors that will allow her to heal. I really respect the way that your family has rallied around her! Stay safe for she will have need of you. I can see that due to your also being in the service of our country and caring as you do, you will be an offset to what has happened to her. It will be a slow process but Evies' healing will happen.

Wayne

[Jim]

Thank you. Sincerely hope you are correct about Evie. I do worry greatly. I wish you the same for your wife, who is indeed fortunate to have you as well!

Jim.

[ClancyBoy]

How can they support me if they're the perpetrators?

[batgirl]

Well that's the point of the poll Clancy. If your family are the perpetrators then you would vote no.

[kers]

I chose "somewhat" because my immediate family is unaware of the PTSD--it was caused by growing up in their house. I've told two friends, one who lives far away and one who lives nearby. The far away one didn't talk to me for several months and was quite brusque so I've stopped bringing it up at all. The nearby friend has been wonderful and I'm working hard to be honest about what's going on with me.

I'm trying to be more honest in general without necessarily going into a big PTSD spiel. For example, if I'm feeling delicate, I'll decline to go out and say I'm not up to it. Or I'll leave when people argue and say I don't want to be around it right then. Everybody doesn't need to know the whole sordid story, but I'm trying to lie less so I feel less ashamed.

[cactus_jack]

No, because they really don't beleivve it's happening. They have this idea that I can just "get over it". Yeah. Right. And they don't have a Traumatic Brain Injury to deal with either.

[hayls]

No. Whether it's because I'm afraid they won't understand or afraid they won't want to help anyway...I just don't allow them to.

[Shinigami_Shimai]

I'm not sure... my immediate family and the like, as in my father and mothers families, do not want to hear of it and pretty much disowned me. The two aunts that were supportive I lost trust for when one of them tricked me into coming over to her house for dinner while my mother was there, and I'm not supposed to see my mother anymore. She was trying to get the two of us together on good terms again and that will never happen considering that woman constantly hit and yelled at me for years on end and then dropped me at a hospital when she had enough of me. My other aunt, my father's sister, started to try to get me and my father together and I walked away from her, not wanting anything to do with anyone who did not understand that I can not be around my parents any longer.

The reason I say I'm not sure is because of my new in-laws. Kim's mother is very supportive and even read my novel about my past. She was rather pissed off after reading it, but keeps telling me how much she loves me and wants to be there for me. Her one sister is rather nice as well and her father... well he is a question considering he doesn't talk much and I did take his little girl away to Canada with me, but he did give me a hug and even kissed my cheek... All in all they seem supportive... I don't know what they would do if they saw me break down in front of them though...

Jaa ne

Kat

[Lisa]

It appears I've already voted in this poll! However, I would expect that I said no, as my friends and family do not even understand me, let alone support me. I only have one supportive friend... though I am grateful for that at least, as some have no one.

[brainless_twit]

My family members try to support me, but they really don't understand PTSD and how it affects me. Some of them have asked, "When you have a flashback, why don't you just tell yourself to stop thinking about it?" As if that would make any difference; as if I haven't tried! When I told my mom that the suicidal thoughts have never really gone away in ten years, she said, "I hope you realize that I can't take anything else right now. I would just never get over something like that." I know she was saying that she cared, but to me it was all about her! I have ideation without intent, but if I DID plan to commit suicide, I wouldn't be in a position to think about others, and she just doesn't get that. Just once, I wish someone would say, "I'm sorry you feel hopeless right now." No advice, no trying to fix it, just feeling for what I'm going through.

My husband has gotten really good at noticing when I'm dissociating and bringing me back to reality. He has also learned that when I'm upset, I need him to stay with me instead of giving me space. He doesn't understand it either, but he tries very hard to.

I wish I could talk more to my friends about what's going on. They get freaked out and uncomfortable when I even mention PTSD, like they don't really believe that's what's going on. I think people don't realize that you can have PTSD without surviving war or a natural disaster. It's all about how traumatic a situation is FOR YOU, and not everyone would be traumatized by the same things. Also, I believe that once you've experienced something traumatic, you're more likely to be traumatized by future events that may not have been traumatic otherwise. I wish there was a handout or article specifically for skeptics.

[2quilt]

Husband supports if I tell him what I want, when I want it, how I want it from him. My trauma is so alien to him that I really have to explain it to him in simple terms; he did not grow up the way I did and his military experience was wonderful. Mine was full of sexual harassment, sexual trauma, war, more PTSD and bad memories. Life now with him is safe and healing. He is supportive, bless his heart, but he's not the mind reader I wish he were.

[hodge]

I voted "somewhat," because my husband really tries. My mom was an abuser, so she's out. My brother suffered, too and hasn't gotten to where I am, so he's out. My dad's come around to have a relationship with me, but I don't think he really gets it. I have my husband, my oldest girlfriend in the world, another couple of good friends here, my psychologist, my retired therapist, and this forum. And I'm very grateful for all. Though I do wish I could have more support from my family. I guess if that could happen, I wouldn't be here to begin with, blah.

[pandora]

For a while I thought I had no one other that my therapist, literally. Now i have 6 friends that know and that I can count on because I finally got honest about what was going on and why I pushed everyone away. Things are looking up, i hope. No.They are, and they are going to keep getting better and better.

[nie]

My hubby does try to support me. However, he is not an emotional person, and often doesn't understand what it is like to be emotional. He states that he does want to be supportive, but sometimes I feel like he gets frustrated with me. I do have a couple of guy friends that are also supportive, but I have no female friends. I really wish I had a girlfriend that could support me.

[EmeraldRiver]

I voted for sabatoge, unfortunately. I have always been a disappointment to my family - or at least felt like one. From their point of view I was asking for the PTSD - females are not supposed to be in the military - and certainly not doing the job I was doing. For the few 20 percent or so of people who had good support - you are darn lucky and I am jealous. For the rest of us - I'm sure we'll muddle through it somehow... but today it just seems a little hard.

[map9]

I live in a dysfunctional and rather backward state in America. It has a long history of problems and those problems seem to be part and partial of all of my traumas. My family at present is scattered to the four winds or are deceased and to be honest I am glad. A highly dysfunctional group. Each seemed/seems to be in deep denial of reality and the long struggle to help not just myself but them never ended. Now, I'm taking care of just me. I will not take on their respondsibilities, it would have been an even more dysfunctional and futile act if I had done so. The insanity had to stop somewhere. I slammed a log into the cogworks, brought it all to a screeching halt after fully gaining rational perspective, no longer doubting myself and seeing the cumulative results of long standing unresolved family issues. The culpability of those who covered up the crimes as well as those who were perpetrating them. I call them out and confronted them and that was a tactic they had never expected me to take. I got the courage to keep on from somewhere. Don't ask me from where. Do know that just as there are postive ways of healing there are some who want the status quo to remain as it serves them, regardless of who or what is damaged in the process. These bullys are in for the long haul, the wresting of power and control as well as ill gotten gains fuels their agenda. What they want is paramount and what their victims want are the courts to change, clean up their act and the crimals brought to justice.

[ptsd_cracker]

No they have only made things worse even though I have tried to educate them many times. As long as it's considered a mental illness I'm considered crazy by my family members.

[nobody]

my parents and family are the main cause of most of my trauma

[nor]

No one knows about my diagnosis. My mother just found out, and my husband knows that I see a psychiatrist, but neither ever ask how I am feeling. When my mother asks where I was, and I tell her at my doctor's appt., she immediately changes the subject. I don't share anything with anyone.

So, I voted that I am not supported by family or friends.

nor

[erryyn]

I have to say no though it's partly my 'fault' (used loosely). Most of my troubles came from my family and all I have left is a father and brother - they are not options. One friend I had I thought I could talk to but, on occasions where I tried, the subject was quickly changed until I got the message - we are no longer friends.

The reason I say it's partly my doing is I have a really hard time talking about my stuff. I'm much better at listening to others and talking about what they're working on. But most of the people I have known for several years never ask me questions and unless I'm asked directly, I tend to never speak about anything under a 'private' label. I don't know how but I'm sure, over the years, I've sent out signals or indicators that questions are not to be asked. I don't know how I've done it but, there are four friends I can think of whom I've known more than seven years; they know next to nothing about me - when we talk we talk about them (that's on me). I haven't seen them in over a year (not unusual) and am really bad at keeping in touch.

[erryyn]

I have to say no though it's partly my 'fault' (used loosely).


Sorry but I can't find the edit feature. Instead of 'fault' I should have said responsibility - that was what I was thinking but couldn't find the word ... too many syllables, maybe?

[resurrection]

The last time I spoke to my brother he thought it was funny and my sister has compared my depression to having a skin complaint . So no. Im not bothered though at least I know where I stand now.

[Jim]

Saddens me to read the large percentage not having good family support. Family can be most helpful if they make the effort.

Jim.

[becvan]

Hehe, Jim it only helps when you come from a "sane" family! ;)

bec

[batgirl]

Haha Bec. Yeah, sanity helps. ;) It is sad though, I agree with Dad on that one. Honestly I admire all of you without good family support because I don't know what I would do without my family.

[rt1967]

I felt i couldn't vote now as i felt they all applied to me .Its hard to um Sum up ?make sense ?

[batgirl]

All the options applied to you rt? How is that possible? Do you mean your family is helpful sometimes and sometimes not?

[rt1967]

all of the above.And i'm no picnic either.

[batgirl]

Huh? I still don't really understand as that seems like a contradiction to me. But it doesn't matter, it's your call and obviously you don't have to vote if you don't want.

[ruddy]

Somewhat, only because I have a couple good friends who are really there for me. They are the only ones I have told and I think I'll keep it that way. It seems less complicated. As for family, that's the origin of my problem. Those who weren't the abusers are fragile in their own right (with more serious mental health problems than mine). I'm afraid telling them my secrets would cause them a great deal of pain and possibly harm their well being. It would probably also complicate my recovery and life in general.

[Grama-Herc]

I agree with Jim, it is so sad that the percentage of people with a solid support system is so small. I fail to understand that since my 83yo mom has done everything she can to educate herself about this.

She periodlically checks me and my mood by asking questions. If she needs to go out, her 1st consideration is me--I have to drive.

Believe me when I say I know how blessed and lucky I am to have her in my life. She has been right by my side since the very first breakdown and doing everything and anything she can to help ease my stress and strain.

My heart goes out to those of you with little or no family support.

[pandora]

I think that having no family support is really sad too but I have pushed a lot of people away too This is because .......they are all reminders of my past that I still avoid.....well at least now try to change the negative thoughts. It might be a bit easier if I felt I had one peson that was family that I felt i could trust or let in, unfortunately, I don't. My support.....meaning my Mom....not a support.....a hinderence, really. ( I hate saying that about my Mom but it really is the truth!)

I am thankful for this forum and my friends though!!!!!

[upstream]

Somewhat... My recovery is supported financially in terms of medical bills.

They all know I have it and remember about half of the events that caused it. However they're wrought with denial and their own issues, emotional support is next to none. If I bring it up I can expect denial, blame, minimizing, etc.

[Miles]

I haven't told my family.

[morgan]

I live with my parents and they are supportive to an extent, but sometimes they just don't get it and that is very frustrating for me. They mean well and I would be homeless and helpless without them but I still had to vote somewhat because I often have to explain myself.

[2quilt]

My friends have little knowledge of PTSD or how to deal with someone with PTSD in a healthy way, so they don't mean to harm me on purpose, but they are clumsy and careless sometimes. I guess we are all human, and 99% of us have some disfunctional baggage, so it's difficult to be mentally healthy.

[TDurden1937]

Nope . . . my inlays are the types that can't understand anything they can't see or touch. My other side of the family are all dead except a couple who I don't think understand either despite them having there share of troubles.

It's taken me 5 years to get my wife to get even a glimmer of an idea how debilitating 100% PTST rating is, plus a GAF of between 42 - 45. That's almost to the point of institutionalization . . . scary. I am debilitated.

One comment by my wife was "It's hard to imagine because you look so normal." Well, ya. I have all my body parts but I can't sleep, I got to put a lock on my rages and anger so i don't put another hole in the wall, or tear another door off the hinges, or destroy another $2000 computer, or another piece of furniture. And gee, wish I had at least one friend in this world beside Christ . . . well, guess he is not of this world is he. I wish I could leave the house. Wish I could get rid of the drugs that keep my head together and be a "normal" Norman. Wish I hadn't got divorced five times. Wish my brain functioned well enough that I could go out and contribute in a cause to help someone. I can't even remember to keep my appointments with my Doctor and shrink.

Well, maybe I wrote a bit more than I had to. My apologies if I have.

Best regards to all of you, Doug

[cherryblossom]

My family do not live near by and do not know that I have PTSD. (my choice).

The few friends that I do have, either do not know, or do not understand. I have lost quite a few friends through disclosing to them that I have PTSD. They seem to think that I am some sort of crazy lady (maybe I am), or that I should be 'over it' be now (maybe I should be?). It's pretty hard, being rejected because of something that happened.

I want to try to be honest about who I really am, but due to bad experiences in 'telling' I am more inclined to just put on my 'happy mask' and pretend that all is well.

My Doc signed me off work today for a futher 2 weeks, and suggested that I seek support from my friends and family - not really an option, when there is no-one who understands.

[Nicolette]

My family do not live near by and do not know that I have PTSD. (my choice).

My Doc signed me off work today for a futher 2 weeks, and suggested that I seek support from my friends and family - not really an option, when there is no-one who understands.

Oh, I don't know Cherryblossom, I think you ought to give your family a chance. The friends who do not understand you are not true friends as they don't accept you for who you are. I don't have PTSD and I have lost friends through life when I did things they did not understand. That is not my fault, nor it is a reflection of the type of person I am. Basically they just have different views/and or values. I accept PTSD in my life due to my love for Anthony. If I could take it away for him I would but would I leave him over it.... no way unless he was abusive....that is my choice and if I had a friend who had PTSD I would be the same if I cared enough about them.

[cherryblossom]

I think you ought to give your family a chance. The friends who do not understand you are not true friends as they don't accept you for who you are.

There are many reasons why I will not tell my family (too much to go into here, but it's not an option).

As for my friends not being true friends - I totally agree with you. However, sometimes a friend who doesn't understand (or doesn't really know you) is better than no friend at all, even if they hurt you in the long run. Because being alone and totally isolated is horrible. Anthony is a lucky guy to have you.

if I had a friend who had PTSD I would be the same if I cared enough about them


I guess that sums it up - knowing that no-one really cares - and it's a pretty lonely place to be.

[Nicolette]

I care...even though I am on the other side of the world... hence why I posted :)

[Nicolette]

if I had a friend who had PTSD I would be the same if I cared enough about them.

Correction on my behalf.... I do have friends with PTSD (from this forum) and I do care about them.

[cherryblossom]

Thanks Nicolette - I guess I realise that you (and maybe others here) care.

I should have said that "no-one in 'real-life' cares or understands me".

I totally appreciate all the support that I have had from this forum. But I also realise that all the help and support (and everything else) that I need/want, can not come from an internet forum.

I'm not knocking this place - it is great - a true life line, but I could really do with someone in real life who thinks I'm worth getting to know, instead of running in the other direction.

Does that make sense?

[Sapper]

I think it's really unfortunate that a lot of family aren't too supportive. Family have such an important role.. if they would only accept the responsibility, and assuming they aren't the ones who gave you PTSD in the first place! I know my sister wouldn't be nearly as far along in her recovery without the support of my parents and other extended family members. The Carers forum really shows how little support there is IMHO.. it's mostly made up of spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends. You rarely hear from parents, siblings or friends..

[Chissi]

No, my children are too busy. My sister is in denial about PTSD. I am partly to blame because I feel ashamed that yet, once again, I am trying to drag myself out of the mire of depression, anxiety and all of the rest. I am so disappointed that I have lost ground in my being able to handle this on my own. Why can't I just get on with life!

I don't want to go back for help. It costs big bucks for the therapy and the meds.

Chissi

[morgan]

My parents support me to a degree but often times I find that they just don't get it and I really don't think they want to. Just the other day my mom told me not to call it PTSD when they ask how I'm doing. Instead I should just say 'I'm not feeling well' or 'I'm depressed today!' Now I ask you why are those statements so much better than "I'm symptomatic today" or "It's my PTSD acting up?" It makes no sense to me really. In fact I'm probably gonna start a new thread on just that incident.

Take care all, Morgan