Looking For Hope - Childhood and Sexual Abuse

[annafennutchi]

Hi, my name is Nicole. I am from Missouri. I always thought I had bipolar and anxirty dissorder and ADHD until a very good friend read the medical deffinitition of PTSD, so I am looking for education with the hope of finding ways to get well.

[Nam]

welcome nicole! That's great that you are researching; information is a wonderful tool to healing. Do you have a therapist?

[annafennutchi]

No, I have never had one. I have never told a healthcare profesional other than the one I work with. I am still struggling with a lot of issues I was sexually abused and have never really dealt with any of those issues besides abusing drugs and being angry. I always thought I was just crazy because "it runs in my family" as my mom always told me. It wasn't until last week that I even considered PTSD as an option until I saw how many symptoms from each cluster that I had. Since then I have been floored.

[Nam]

A diagnosis really helps. It also makes some of the doubts go away. To recover from PTSD may take a professional and really hard work. I found mine to be priceless, although it is very, very scarey (for me) to take that initial step. If you go in honestly, she/he may have a diagnosis for you by the end of the visit. I think it would be worth your while.

Talk to us about your symptoms you are living with right now.

By the way, I'm from Iowa.

[annafennutchi]

I have depression, I have anxiety, I have flashbacks, if you will, at any given time, I will see images of the things that happened to me, If someone brings up the issues surrounding sexual abuse I start shaking, sweating, and my heart races. Like right now, I can hardly type. I have always felt empty, useless, unworthy of love or appreciation. I always felt like no matter what I have accomplished I am still not a success. I have problems controlling anger, I lash out at my husband all the time, I am hypersensitive to loud noises, and crowded places. I can't concentrate I forget very basic instructions unless I write them down. I almost have a panic attack if someone comes around the corner or into a room when I'm not expecting it. I can't handle not being able to move, so people can't get too close to me or I freak.

[Nam]

wow, wow, wow. I see myself in your discription, and I'm sure others will say so too. I'm not a therapist, but it sounds just like my symptoms and I was diagnosed with ptsd within the first half hour of my first therapist appointment. (maybe the shaking so bad, I couldn't function clued her in?)

[anthony]

Hi Nicole,

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad that possibly something is now coming together for you, and as Nam states, diagnosis whilst sometimes daunting, also puts a tag to all those years of pain and suffering, an answer I guess, to all those questions you have no doubt been asking yourself all these years.

Good to have your here, and look forward to chatting with you.

[anthony]

Nicole, are you going to go for diagnosis? What you describe, sounds very much like you could very well have PTSD, because you fit the criteria, but diagnosis is important, because it provides that medical qualification too our illness for the correct treatment, advise and direction. I made a post the other day about how to get the best PTSD advice (http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread280.html) and direction first time, without all the misdiagnosis nonsense that goes on, and which sounds too me has gone on with you already. Please have read, track down your local expert agency / military community group for expert trauma qualified personel to get the right diagnosis the first time.

If you are then diagnosed with PTSD, possibly some correct prescription medication could be prescribed to ensure you a little better stability during the hard times of PTSD, until you learn and educate yourself on how to cope with PTSD without medications and toxic substances, and take control of your life once again.

We are here to help, guide and support you Nicole, and through that, you need to seek experts in PTSD for diagnosis and even face to face trauma therapy.

[annafennutchi]

Every day that has passed since I discovered that this may even be a possibility I have come closer to seeking help. I work in the medical feild so I have access to people who can help direct me, but I am still struggling with that first damn step.

I know I need help, I know I need a diagnosis, but just knowing that doesn't get it done. That's where I am struggling with going through with it.

So I will keep getting stronger and I will get to the right doctor. Luckily I have a good support system as far as my husband goes, he wants me well. Thank you for your advice. :dontknow:

[anthony]

Thats great news Nicole... a great support system is what you need to begin healing with PTSD. It takes time, but it does happen if you actively want it. You will break during the process, I have no doubt at all, but that is just the honest facts of healing from trauma. Your certainly in the right profession to be dealing with this... which is a great start.

What work do you do in medical Nicole? Doctor, nurse, pharmacology, aid, etc etc?

[purdyamos]

Hello Nicole. I've had a similar pathway to you, in as much as I had years of vaguely shifting diagnoses from the depressionandanxiety textbook, but there were huge factors and patterns in my illness that were never explained, until three years ago I and an understanding new doctor hit on PTSD.

Suddenly absolutely everything made sense, all the weird stuff like dissociation and the small stuff like sudden irritability. It also gave new meaning to the story of my life because previous professionals burdened me with personal blame. Now I know my symptoms are a logical coping mechanism to what happened. I've recovered my dignity and am no longer a helpless victim.

Educating yourself about WHY some of the symptoms happen is also a great relief, I find. The more you know, the better you can deal with what it throws at you. That and having people that you don't need to 'explain' to. They just KNOW. Sounds like you're lucky with your husband. Everyone here knows, and you're welcome to discuss anything at all in an atmosphere of safety.

[YoungAndAngry]

Hi Nicole,

Glad to have you here!

What is holding you back from getting diagnosed?
The stigma? or fear of the diagnosis?

Take Care of yourself

[annafennutchi]

The fear, and financial slump. That's what has been holding back. It's silly because I have limited access to rescources that would help. I am going to inquire next week.

Thanks for the support!

[anthony]

Good stuff Nicole... getting proactive with PTSD is the best thing you could do. Even when finances are an issue, I am sure some form of medical aid could be found to get diagnosis from a professional trauma center type arena, or physician who is experienced with PTSD. Well done... and good luck with your enquiries.