Newby Getting Connected - PTSD Sufferer

[wildfirewildone]

I am new to this forum...I haven't ever tried this before....HI! I feel very much alone..presently having horrific nightmares...I was diagnosed with PTSD 3 years ago..flashbacks are more than I want to handle anymore..I live in Elyria Ohio in the USA..There are no PTSD groups in the Greater Cleveland area anymore....The group I was in was cancelled....Story of that=NOT PROFITABLE!!! I have no where to get support and I've been pretty bummed out about that....I have a good therapist and an excellant psychodoc!!!! Recently a guy in my apartment building got on the elevator with me...after doors closed he loomed over me (I was in my wheelchair) and rubbed my arm from my elbow to wrist and back...probably why the symptoms have become rampant again....I hate this!!! I never brought the origional abuse on myself....still I am the one to suffer!!!

[anthony]

Hi Wildfire,

Welcome to the forum, and very glad to have you hear. Thats a bit of a bum wrap about the support group closing up. I don't understand what it is about support groups that they begin non-profit, then they want to get bigger and make profit, which in turn seals their demise by closing up because none, to little money rolls into these groups unless very actively soliciting funding for them, which is nearly a full-time job.

Wow... bit a weird thing for someone to do ha? Rub your elbow to wrist and back again whilst in the elevator. Did you punch him in the nuts? Do you still have full upper body movement... I am assuming???

[olivia]

hi wildfire, im new and jsut registered too. sounds like you are having a hard time too

[olivia]

is anyone there

[anthony]

Hi Olivia, welcome to the forum. Do you suffer PTSD Olivia, or a spouse / family member of someone with PTSD?

[starshine]

Welcome fellow new person, wildfirewildone :)

I am pleased you have a good doc and therapist....that means a lot....I know it does for me. too.

I hear you totally about how its totally not fair...it wasn't your fault, and you're left with the fallout.....I am currently grieving the lost years that were full of fear and buried aliveness.....

sorry to hear your group's ended...I actually think its very brave of you to attend a group in the first place....groups never helped me because of the re-traumatisation issues (I was bullied by my peers for 10 years....and unprotected by teachers and family)
what I'm going to do is apply to be befriended as part of Mind's (UK) mental health befriending scheme. maybe there are organisations like that somewhere near you?

[starshine]

and hi Olivia. I'm here. :)

[Nam]

Welcome, welcome!! I'm so glad you guys are here! Wildfire, I know what you mean about not getting the personalized help you need. I live in Iowa and there is no ptsd groups. In fact, I don't have therapists or psychiatrists that specialize in ptsd or trauma in my area. I even researched at the University of Iowa Hospitals and they could not find anyone. It's pretty disheartening. I felt so alone after a struggle like that!

LOLOL! My two year-old wants this smilie up here: Take no offense! :hit-boss:
(wow, she's persistent!)

Anyway, Wildfire and Olivia, welcome aboard. I'm so happy when new people visit, although I'm sorry for the circumstances that got you here. I look forward to future posts.:smile:

[doobie]

well just want to say hi to wildfirewildone,starshine,and olivia....and welcome i usually log in at the early hours of the morn ( i live in melbourne down under) i hope you find this site an asset..
greatest joy neva lies in never falling but in rising evertime we fall...
i look forward to communicating with you all at some time
stay safe and warm hugs

[YoungAndAngry]

Welcome everyone!!!!

So glad to see so many new faces (usernames? lol)
I'm usually on randomly throughout the day,
and I look forward to learning more about you

Take care :)

[piglet]

Busy day on the forum then!! Welcome aboard everyone!

[Socks]

Hi new guys,
You will find help and support.
Socks

[wildfirewildone]

is anyone there
Hi!...Olivia!!!! I may be new...I want you to know that I am here!!! Even though I have suffered greatly for years....I have to say that I have learned many things along the way...Keep on communicating!!!!

[wildfirewildone]

hi wildfire, im new and jsut registered too. sounds like you are having a hard time too Thanks for posting back!!! I've been up all night again..Seems like that's been happening a lot these past few weeks!!....PTSD is a very crazy and rather horrifying as of late!!!! I will see my psychodoc tomorrow!!!! I will go very early in the morning so I can catch him and not have to wait so long to see him...He takes more time if his patient needs more...He's so good I can't complain about the wait....

[wildfirewildone]

Thanks for posting back!!! I received quite a few replies!!I don't feel so alone now!!! I am in the USA....

[anthony]

Yer, it doesn't take long wildfire for people to say hello around here. A few hours tops generally.... depending what everyone is up too around the world I guess.

[wildfirewildone]

I sent you a private message...guess I found my way back to your last post on my intro "page" I will take one extra med and hope to get some sleep....taking a very very EARLY 1 hour and 15 min. drive east to see my psycho doc....going early so I can hopefully get back home before I get scorched by the HEAT...I napped 2 hrs this afternoon...Woke up terrified!! I NEED SLEEP!!!! I want to soooooo badly to stop experiencing these crappy symptoms....maybe tomorrow I connect with someone who replied to my INTRO...

[purdyamos]

Hello there. I'm so sorry you're going through this seemingly never ending nightmare. Once it's triggered off you just feel so trapped and the world becomes so distorted, you're hijacked by your own uncontrollable memories that you can't file away. It stinks, it really does.

I find it difficult to judge what time it is round the world and relate it to the time that people have posted. If you don't hear from anyone for a while it must feel extra frustrating. When you're so isolated and in the thick of it even a few minutes can seem like forever. Whatever time it is now in Ohio, I'm thinking of you now and I so hope you don't feel alone for long.

I hate the way self-help books and therapists and helplines just assume you have someone there. Trying to cope on your own is just torture, I know. I hope you can get some sleep and hook up with a forummer or two very soon. Maybe me, but I've got to try and sleep myself!

Take care, don't give up hope. xx

[wildfirewildone]

Hi Wildfire,

Wow... bit a weird thing for someone to do ha? Rub your elbow to wrist and back again whilst in the elevator. Did you punch him in the nuts? Do you still have full upper body movement... I am assuming???
No...the only thing I did was say in a small mealy voice.."don't touch me"....not much was it??? and that was after the "touching" was over...I know it's because of the terror I was brought up in...18 years of physical..sexual..emotional[mental] abuse..[:gunem-dow!!]....then add the rape[1yr. anniv. March 19th] I just froze during that too....I guess I'm not doing a very good job at protecting myself...am I??:crazy: I have to use a wheelchair when I go out as I have severe arthritis in my right knee...the wreck I was in [Feb.8th-freak snow storm] finished off my cartilage in that joint....I still can drive....I'm thankful for that!!!! Unfortunately the "e" incident resulted in a major flare-up of lmy PTSD symptoms...DOES IT EVER STOP????:dontknow: I'm trying to move out of this building down to one 25 min south of here....management has given me the run around though I had a letter from my medical doc.....Now me and my therapist are creating a letter with a veiled threat...[my apt. building is subsidized by the government] He said we are going to WAR...My psychodoc is writing a letter also...I had to print off stuff from the local housing dept. website to give to my PD and this weekend I've run the same stuff off to take to my therapist's....If all of this doesn't result in a move down to the college town of Oberlin...I will undoubtedly experience a major MELTDOWN!!!:eek: Tomorrow I think I'll try to get laundry done.........wildfirewildone

[anthony]

Yer, I think you have suffered enough crap wildfire, and honestly, you can stop beating yourself up about the protection issues. One can only defend themselves to their capability, and are not invincible as such. You did the best you could, you got over-powered, and it isn't your fault.

I never understand why everything has to turn into a paper war, in that we need to cut down more trees to feed the paper in which we must fill out piles of crud, in order to achieve what we need to achieve. You would think in todays society, we would use technology a bit better than we do, and stop having to use paper to make everything official, so we have proof. Electronic writing is now legally evidence, though very little people use it as such. Strange... but I guess human nature. Its always hard to change a persons old ways, especially society as a whole. Give em hell wildfire, and stand your ground. After that incident, I would want to move also if I where in your shoes.

[wildfirewildone]

Thanks for the support!!!! The reasons beside the crud I've dealt with here..for the move....lots of free activities going on[yeah for FREE!!]like concerts...literary speakers...local art...social protests...art museum...cheap healthy food [that my body now CRAVES!!] quiet & calmer community...More of my style of living!!!! Also they have a pottery co-op and I'm crazy about doing my own clay artsy sculpting!!!! I NEED TO GET MOVED!!!!!!!

[kimG]

Hi Wildfire,

I'm new here too, but not new to PTSD. Have been battling this since I was a small child. Talk about a war on terror!

I've lurked here longer than I've posted - in fact, I've only posted once - but I've learned an awful lot just from reading the posts. Not only are the people here knowledgeable, but they are also like that old, almost-worn-out pair of underwear (well, not really :eek:) - they are very comfortable to be around. Although they may challenge us and each other, they do so out of love and concern.

Take care. I'll talk with you soon!

Kim

[anthony]

I think its great wildfire that your actively interested in arts and events that are giving you cause and relaxation. These are basic things that I we with PTSD need to ensure we get involved within, to keep ourselves busy, ensure we maintain social aspects and not withdraw to our own cocoons, and basically continues to feed our health. Well done.

[wildfirewildone]

Anthony....I ran late to my therapist's....I left home early to stop at my med. doc's and get a copy of a letter that I had used on my first go-around to try and get moved out of here....I thought it was odd that I felt a ruffness in my van's movement down the street...someone honked at me and let me know that my rear tire was flat...I then turned around and slowly made my way back to where I just recently had bought new tires for my van...It was only 1&1/2 blocks...As it turns out there was a hole in the sidewall of my tire...fortunately I had a warrenty that let me get a new tire put on...Then I was on my merry way....I was only 10 min. late as I sped there on the highway going 10-15 miles an hour over the speed limit....no cops in sight fortunately!!! So now my therapist wants me to find out if I have a given # on the waiting list & if need is considered over # on waiting list...Oh...I got a letter from my box yesterday AM....I got a letter from the manager that stated that my request for moving has been approved for Oberlin [college town I want to move to] I talked to her secretary and most likely it's the handicapped apt LIST....the mngr. had stated when I last spoke to her that she had someone on that list and that they have been waiting 2 years....I WON'T make it here for that long!!!...I've already had a death threat and then that elevater incident....and Wed. night I had to call cops as I had an immense odor of marijauna in my apt. from my next door neighbor....:eek: :eek: I wonder if the hole in my tire was a revenge move from our building drug cartel???? STRESS!!!!!STRESS!!!!! LITTLE SLEEP!!!LOSS of APPETITE!!!! How the hell am I going keep myself from having to go to the Hospital or worse [Suicide in the midst of a state of total terror and confusion] ???? I guess that my therapist is going to write a letter now to try to get me moved ahead somehow!?!? I have to get him the info first so he knows what steps he wants to take....in an effort not for me to have to wait so long....there goes another week that I have be in this HELLHOLE!!! I don't see how I'll even make it through even to a 6-month wait if he can get me that close through his intervention!!!!....It's not going to help for me to go to a Hospital...as I would coming home to the same DANGER!!!! I know that I have a lot to give from my experiences so...It's going to be a real loss for the people I could have helped...I see my psycho doc next Wed....I am trying to hold on til then....I also feel despondent about the idea of the hospital...I should get locked because those assholes are up to their illegal activities?????? so....I can only see the other option that I mentioned earlier....:dontknow: wildfirewildone :wall:

[anthony]

All these extra stressors are never good within our lives. I hope it all works out for you though wildfire, and things pickup for you and go in the direction you need them too for some resolution and peace within your general daily life.

[YoungAndAngry]

Not only are the people here knowledgeable, but they are also like that old, almost-worn-out pair of underwear (well, not really :eek:) - they are very comfortable to be around.


OMG Kim, lol, that's pretty good!
I think that's a really nice compliment! even if I'm being referred to as underwear, rofl

I've already had a death threat and then that elevater incident....and Wed. night I had to call cops as I had an immense odor of marijauna in my apt. from my next door neighbor

Wow, was this death threat from the same neighbor???

Here in Canada, unfortunately the cops probably wouldn't respond to a marijuana call...
A lot of people smoke it, and the Doctors can even give prescriptions for it!
Did you say your neighbors were selling as well??
That would be so uncomfortable/scary to live next to!


Take care of yourselves!