Hello Everyone - My Wife Was Raped

[tarheelman]

I came to this forum as I was looking for info for my wife, who was diagnosed with PTSD. She suffered from a rape almost 14 years ago, and it is only now that the trauma is beginning to assert itself. She refrained from telling her mother at the time because her mother was sick, and she didn't want to tell me because she was afraid I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her. We've been married 8 years, and have 2 wonderful boys. She finally broke down and told me what happened about a month ago, and I told her that I would help her through whatever she needed to get a handle on this...

I have researched different medications as they've been introduced to her. She was suffering from about three panic attacks a day, and after beginning Lexapro, she is down to one a day... Then she started having these vivid visions of the assailant, which were quite disturbing, of course, and then her doctor prescribed seroquel... Bad move. Yesterday, we were in and out of the emergency room because of the bad effects. Basically, she passed out and was non responsive. We took her into the ER yesterday morning about 7:30 AM, and we were told it was a reaction to the seroquel. Got discharged around 2:00PM, went home, and she was basically sleeping off the medicine. Around 7:00PM, she started complaining again of not feeling well, and basically passed out again... Back to the ER, where they admitted she probably shouldn't have left in the first place, even if she was seeming more alert and coherent. This time, we got discharged at aroung 3:00AM, and wouldn't you know it, once we got back to the house, it happened again. This time, we managed to get her upstairs and in bed, and slept it off. She had these tremors once during the night, where her arm and leg was shaking, but it passed quickly. Right now, she's fine and alert, just really tired and sleepy. She's asleep as we speak.

I just figured now was as good a time for my introductory post since I've been lurking here for the past few weeks. Fortunately, my wife has decided to pursue therapy, which she was against at first, for fear of having to relive the whole dreadful experience. She is curious about the EMDR therapy, as she is at a point where she just wants to be able to live some semblance of a normal life as soon as she can.

Me? I'm just trying not to be overwhelmed with thoughts of hunting the person that did this to her down and causing him serious bodily pain for what he did to her, and ultimately, our family. My 7 yr old son was crying yesterday because he is unsure of what is happening to Mommy, and as much as I try to be brave for him, he's not stupid; he can tell when something is not right.

Sorry, didn't realize how long this had gotten, guess I needed to vent somewhat.

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum taheelman.

[cookie]

this is a good place to vent, welcome to the forum.

[tarheelman]

Thanx, everyone.

She had a couple more "passing out" episodes this evening (that seroquel is one strong drug...), but is resting comfortably. She took her regular dose of Lexapro just before going to bed, so I'm almost waiting for the subsequent panic attack... She has an initial therapy session scheduled for next week on the 12th, and I've told her I'd go with her if she wants.

I must admit though, having thoughts of wanting to escape somewhere, just for a little while, to clear my head... It's been a lot to process over the last month or so, after finally finding out why she had been so depressed. It's almost like our lives changed overnight. But then I feel guilty for thinking so selfishly that way.

[veiled]

Welcome to the forum. Was this her only trauma? If so then someone who knows what they are doing (do a search on EMDR on here for more info) may be a good option for her. Good luck, we all know how it feels when the bottoms of our lives just fell out, on both ends.

[nov_silence]

I don't think you should feel guilty about wanting time to yourself. Seeing that you are in a care taker role.... are their friends near by that could watch your son, while you go grab some coffee or tea... or something.... Feeling guilty is only going to gear you up even more. You are human and you have needs of your own.

Go easy on yourself. Thoughts are with you

[tarheelman]

Yes, this was her only trauma. We've done enough research to see that EMDR works better for people who have singular trauma events, as opposed to multiple traumas. There is a therapist not far from our house who seems to be very well versed in EMDR therapy.

We have friends nearby who can watch the kids, in fact, our friend up the street stayed with our sons on Friday last week so we could go eat at Applebees' and then watch Norbit... Well, at least we had a good meal... :dontknow:

[carpediem2006]

I am personally wary of heavy medication...panic attacks and flashbacks are horrible...but some of the medical solutions seem to incur more problems than they solve for some.

It would seem a key point to look at together and with your doctor is how and why this is triggered know so long after the event. Is it becuase she is able to feel comfortable to discuss it for the first time, and in doing so is reliving the event that has been supressed.

Something would appear to be a trigger somewhere, otherwise it would be unlikely to have had a fulfilling sex life and reared two children. Regardless of the trigger, you can now both do something about it. But identifying why this is happening now could be useful for you both.

[vcc123]

Welcome to the forum Tarheelman.. its been a great source of support for me.. hope we can be here for you too. :redface:

[tarheelman]

We looked into EFT therapy, but my wife was wary of anything having to do with "hypnosis". Last night was particularly rough for her, as she didn't get any sleep... Anytime she got to sleep, she was having nightmares of the trauma all over again.

[GR-ass]

hugs tightly

welcome hon.

[Terry]

Welcome Tarheel. She will find lots of friends here. You just made a lot of friends for your support of your wife and family.

[RNning]

Hi Tarheelman
I understand your wife's trauma, and the interest in EMDR. You may also want to try and seek out a therapist for some "bodywork" - haokomi or redenfeld methods seem to help a great deal. The sessions can be quite exhausing as they help to release the pent up trauma and anxiety from our experiences.....best wishes to your wife....and to you as well. I am fortunate to have a partner that loves and supports me - be kind, gentle and patient...there is no timeline for recovery and she will experience the rollercoaster ride. It is a part of the healing.

[tarheelman]

Things have slid downward since I last posted. She has gotten increasingly despondent, where she actually made an attempt to take her life almost two weeks ago. We promptly got her into a local psych hospital here in Raleigh, thinking that she would get straightened out, and back on track. We were even scheduled for an appointment with an EFT therapist the day after she made the attempt... She is still in there now.

The problem I have is the fact that she seems to be getting worse, not better, while in there. She has been put on all sorts of medication, constantly changing, and it's to the point that I'm thinking, OK, can we just let the therapist come in there and see if she can help her out. The social worker at the hospital tells me that she doesn't think it would be a good idea for my wife to have therapy at this time, because they're still trying to regulate her medication. They've had almost 2 weeks to regulate her medication, and she's gotten worse, not better. She told me on the phone that she started hearing voices, having an increase in the racing thoughts and suicidal ideation. What got me was that one day, the doctor tells her she's "unipolar" (whatever that means), and the next day, because of hearing voices and having vivid nightmares where she sees the rapist, now she's bipolar"

I am beyond frustrated with this place right now, I could scream.

[anthony]

The reason she hears voices, has increased suicidal ideation, etc etc, is because of the medication. Doctors are idiots... sorry to say, but they are. They get a person, give them medication, then forget about the side effects the medication causes to people uniquely. These very side effects are common from medications given to any person with PTSD. Take away the medications, you then have withdrawals which makes a person worst again for a couple of months, to suddenly have lesser symptomatic issues. Funny that!!!

[tarheelman]

I'm going to try and get her out of there this week. My mother in law has volunteered to come and stay in our house when we get her home, to watch over her and help out, and we're gonna go see an EFT therapist as soon as we can. I'm hoping I don't have too much of a problem with this.

[tarheelman]

This is frustrating beyond belief... They won't release her, because her meds haven't stabilized. I asked if I could have the EFT therapist come in and visit with her, to help with the PTSD and they tell me that my wife wouldn't respond to it because of the state she's in. I am really starting to think that they're scared she'll get better and won't need all the meds they've been shoving down her throat... The doctor actually said this morning that ECT might be an option to look into... If I had been in his presence, they might have thrown me into the hospital as well, after beating the piss out of him.

[anthony]

Your starting to see my point yourself then... doctors are idiots, and they do nothing themselves anymore, instead opt to just shove medication after medication down a patients throat, then wonder why a person doesn't get better. There fix... increase the dosage and become dependent upon a drug instead of fixing the core root of the problem. A little medication is good initially if a person isn't coping, which most don't when they first discover the worst PTSD has to offer... but if a person gets immediately into one or two maximum medications, they become quite functional to then get stuck into the hard work of looking at their trauma. Yes, that will make a person very sick, like the medication isn't working or something, but it is, hence why you medicate a person slightly then hit trauma head on. Once the worst of the repercussions are over, you then decrease the meds and withdraw from them. Another rough ride for a couple of months. A person then stabilizes and often will become much clearer to then continue focusing on going forward in their healing, then after a year of healing, focus on learning management strategies to cope in life with PTSD and not allow it to affect a person daily.

[tarheelman]

Yeah, it absolutely blows... Even the "therapy" they provide at the hospital is crap. Everyone there is for a variety of reasons, so "therapy" involves some idiot social worker gabbing on about nothing, and going around the room asking people questions. They have a session on Wednesday evenings before visitation, where family members are invited to attend. I almost lost it when this dolt actually encouraged people to ask their doctors about Electroconvulsive Therapy.

I'm researching legal ways to allow my wife to receive some alternative therapy. They seem to bristle at my suggestion to have the therapist we were going to see come in and see if she could help her. "We don't really allow outsiders to come in and treat patients", the doctor told me. I'm like, "Dude, she's been here almost two weeks, and has made ZERO progress... If anything, she's gotten worse since you guys started shoving drugs down her throat."

[moki]

hey tarheelman, you just keep at it, doing what you know is right no matter how much they bristle. sounds like you have extended family there, so hopefully you can find a way to get around the situation there and really help your wife...we're all thinking of you and behind you all the way.

[pandora]

hello

Your wife is a very lucky woman to have someone so supportive. I hope things start to improve for the both of you. Take Care.

[Monarch]

I have a similar past, I ended up in the hospital because it all became too much, all the flashbacks and panic attacks and trying to keep it all together. I lost it and tried to commit suicide. That was almost a year ago. Things will get better but you can't rush it, because as you go through therapy the PTSD will cause you to go up and down, I have great days, making progress then one thing happens and it is off to the races, nightmares, panic all that comes back. then I just have to remember my coping mechanisms and use those. I know someone that uses EMDR therapy but in conjuction with other therepies not just alone.

I too have kids, 8 year old boy and 2 year old girl. My 8 year old started having trouble at school about the same time I was having trouble so we have had to work through that too.

[xo_eve_ox]

hi Tarheelman, No suggestions here, but I wanted you to know I'm sending good thoughts your way, you hang in there.