map9
12-03-2007, 06:56 AM
I posted the below letter on the wrong thread, it should be here in the Introductions section. My apologies, I will learn as the days and weeks go by and familiarize myself with posting in the forum. I'm glad I found this place and am very grateful for those who have provided a sanctuary of sorts for individuals such as myself with PTSD and friends or family to discuss PTSD topics. Love, map9
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Hello everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post. I would like to say that on occasions I "feel" like a success story, granted, not always, but I'm getting better. It has been a lifelong process. I'm in my mid fifties, a female and married. I have four grown children, eight grandchildren and one great grandchild. I am retired from the telecommunications industry. I come from a history of child sexual abuse, various weather related traumas (tornados and hurricanes) multiple incidents of rape, family history of various types and forms of abuse, as well as spousal abuse. I have been diagnosed with PTSD for over twenty five years. Ten years of psychotherapy. Two years of intense cognitive therapy and two rounds of a 12-step program for long term abuse survivors/child sexual abuse survivors.
It was never easy, it always seemed like a lonely path, sometimes very rocky. I seem to be getting more and more self-aware and autonomous. Co-dependent behavior has slipped away and is now just a memory. I deal now with triggers, sights and sounds, smells and settings much better. There are some days though when something truly awful will occur, it will set me back. It's akin to a "One step forward and two steps back." sort of thing. I attempt now to go with the flow, honor my feelings and my reactions and grasp what it really is, then take a deep breath and move on. There were days, no ... correction here, years of depression and lethargy. I went through decades of rushing through life, working in a highly successful way, multitasking my little heart out, volunteering for every committee, keeping my family busy, active and healthy. It was when they were gone, the husband had retired and the move to the country where the reality of my past hit me with a force of impact similar to a freight train running over you. I had hidden my past from myself, from others and continued to deal with a long dysfunctional family member (no blood relation) who was and still is pedophile. As events unfolded a new phase of treatment came about and seems to be a better way and that is cognitive therapy. I never did well on any of the drugs and never took any for long periods of time. I'm not a drinker and never have been so I'm most fortunate there also. My days are better and I do voluntarily stay here in the country side for it seems to suit me best. I still have a hard time being in groups of people so that is why I stepped in here, this forum. I will confront that aspect of myself. I'm my own hero. I see that now, it took me such a long long time to come to that realization. To have survived what I did as a very small child, all the way through to and beyond adulthood. I'm a senior citizen and have the past to prove it. My aim, is not to just be a survivor but a thriver. My love and respect to and for all PTSD forum members will be shown by me. Thank you for allowing me to come here and express myself. I'm looking forward to reading all the other threads and the posts therein, getting to know others, their stories and being encouraged by the tenacity we show to the world at large despite the scars, be it of mind or body. Hugs and kisses XOXO. Sincerely, map9
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Hello everyone, I'm new here and this is my first post. I would like to say that on occasions I "feel" like a success story, granted, not always, but I'm getting better. It has been a lifelong process. I'm in my mid fifties, a female and married. I have four grown children, eight grandchildren and one great grandchild. I am retired from the telecommunications industry. I come from a history of child sexual abuse, various weather related traumas (tornados and hurricanes) multiple incidents of rape, family history of various types and forms of abuse, as well as spousal abuse. I have been diagnosed with PTSD for over twenty five years. Ten years of psychotherapy. Two years of intense cognitive therapy and two rounds of a 12-step program for long term abuse survivors/child sexual abuse survivors.
It was never easy, it always seemed like a lonely path, sometimes very rocky. I seem to be getting more and more self-aware and autonomous. Co-dependent behavior has slipped away and is now just a memory. I deal now with triggers, sights and sounds, smells and settings much better. There are some days though when something truly awful will occur, it will set me back. It's akin to a "One step forward and two steps back." sort of thing. I attempt now to go with the flow, honor my feelings and my reactions and grasp what it really is, then take a deep breath and move on. There were days, no ... correction here, years of depression and lethargy. I went through decades of rushing through life, working in a highly successful way, multitasking my little heart out, volunteering for every committee, keeping my family busy, active and healthy. It was when they were gone, the husband had retired and the move to the country where the reality of my past hit me with a force of impact similar to a freight train running over you. I had hidden my past from myself, from others and continued to deal with a long dysfunctional family member (no blood relation) who was and still is pedophile. As events unfolded a new phase of treatment came about and seems to be a better way and that is cognitive therapy. I never did well on any of the drugs and never took any for long periods of time. I'm not a drinker and never have been so I'm most fortunate there also. My days are better and I do voluntarily stay here in the country side for it seems to suit me best. I still have a hard time being in groups of people so that is why I stepped in here, this forum. I will confront that aspect of myself. I'm my own hero. I see that now, it took me such a long long time to come to that realization. To have survived what I did as a very small child, all the way through to and beyond adulthood. I'm a senior citizen and have the past to prove it. My aim, is not to just be a survivor but a thriver. My love and respect to and for all PTSD forum members will be shown by me. Thank you for allowing me to come here and express myself. I'm looking forward to reading all the other threads and the posts therein, getting to know others, their stories and being encouraged by the tenacity we show to the world at large despite the scars, be it of mind or body. Hugs and kisses XOXO. Sincerely, map9