Hi, Currently Deployed In Iraq

[Mccrea19D]

Im currently serving in the unitedstates army as a scout, i signed up after highschool even with this war going on, and people telling me not to i still signed up.
Im currently 20 married, and have seen stuff, that i probably shouldnt of seen.
i have been feeling emotions of being lonely and reliving december 23 when one of the Mp elements with us hit a Ied.

I have talked to my family about it, and when i tried to talk to my wife when i was home on leave about it, she basicly told me she didnt want to hear it, and that hurt.

Half the time i feel like im going to be stuck in iraq forever and never see my family again.
Another time i told my wife something i shouldnt have, i told her what if i die and you didnt talk to me the day before what would you do knowing that.
I dont know what to do anymore im never back on the fob im currently off the fob more than i am at it, we do up to 96 hr missions at a time.
I dont want to hurt my wife, i know she didnt sign up for the military and i must be putting her through hell, and all i do is make it worse.

[carpediem2006]

Try to read a lot here. Try to understand what PTSD is, what is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Inform yourself...if you are having nightmares, problems sleeping, night sweats etc these are normal reactions. If you are angry etc, be aware of it...then you can try to not let it hurt people who you would rather not hurt, such as your wife. Right now you may not be able to change your situation, but try to ensure what follows is best for you by being informed to avoid losses or situations that you do not want in your life.

[cookie]

hey, welcome to the forum.
cathy

[anthony]

Mate, all you can do is be honest with her at all times, not scare her, but express too her what you really feel, what is really going on with you, within your mind. The more you talk, the better it is for you. If she can't listen to you, then write it all out and send it to her, or give to her that way, as she can read and interpret as she feels capable.

The best way to write or express what you feel is to not just pour out all the negatives going on, but instead give a negative incident, then the feelings associated to that. As you write or express each feeling, you think about positives and other times you have felt such emotions, you include those thoughts also, especially if those feelings where with her, she can then match a time and place to what you feel now, to help her understand.

[Portabella]

Mc, Firstly welcome to the forum. I hope that you are able to access the internet and get on from time to time. We will be here to support you and we DO want to listen. Don't ever be afraid to speak your feelings. Again Welcome.

[mac]

Mc19D,
As soon as you can, go to the nearest EMEDS, CSH, or whatever medical element is available at the FOB where you are located and tell them the problems you're having.

[vcc123]

Welcome to the forum Mccrea.. thank you for your service and protection over there.. we appreciate all that everyone is doing over there. I cant begin to imagine what you are going through, but I'm glad you found the forum.

We're here for you whenever you need us, so dont hesitate to ask. :hello:

[Mccrea19D]

Thanks everyone, its hard to find people who will listen, i need to talk to my dad but running on these days i cant, we just got back 2 hrs ago and we leave in about 4 hrs its 4am over here so what can i do.
its just been tight schedule ever since i returned from leave and i fear it might be like this untill i redeploy to the states.
Im happy i have friends on here i can post a msg and this site seems to help a lot when i read, thanks again
Mccrea

[maus]

we'll be here, when your back and online again. We'll listen. Very clever to find a pc and this forum while being over there. Hope you'll finish your tour soon. Be carefull.

[slhlilbit]

welcome to the forum. Thank you for your service. God be with you and yours. this is the place to get support you need. Ill be praying for your safe return, soon. my nephew will be deployed there soon. he is in the army also. he will be 19 in june. Praying for peace.
sherry

[Terry]

Welcome Buddy. A few Jeep forum friends are over there too. Like was said above tell somebody about it as soon as you can not just for tx now but for later in life. Get it documented now so you won't have to fight so hard later.
Stay safe.

[Mccrea19D]

We just got back from a 4 day fun in the sun today, wrote a bunch of my feelings down that i felt every now in than, i went to the combat stress place when i got back, i was sent to sick hall right after, now they put me on this medicine that is suppose to help me sleep, if i continue to have bad dreams, they tell me i will need to come back on friday.
I hope anyone that comes over here is safe, i pray that nothing bad will happen to any of our soldiers, my brothers and sisters.
Im happy to of found a great community.
Thanks everyone i will keep coming into here, talking helps.

[willing]

Mccrea,
First thank you for your service. We wish you well. And know that there is help. There is! You will be amazed. Keep trying and something will break. Many people when confronted with the idea that a friend or loved one is in a situation that we are powerless over is plaquing someone we love is enough to shut us down. At least that is how I have done things when people are troubled around me. I can only emotionally take so much. Love is love. Once it's there it doesn't disappear. Hang onto the love and keep reaching out.
Thoughts and prayers for you,
Patty

[Burn]

I don't agree with the cause of your war, but i respect people like you, that are willing to fight for what they hold dear, or just do what they think they have to do. I wish that you get better and learn to cope with the trauma. I think that your reaction, but also the reaction of you spouse are quite normal ... still the trick seems to make the best out of it and i guess your spouse will understand your feelings, since the one she wants back is her husband.

Good luck, soldier.

[mouse]

19D
First God Bless you and your brothers and sisters over there, keeping the peace and fighting the war, I wish you all home safe and sound, back to the real world and to leave your stresses over there. Realisticaly it will be here that you dump your stresses Know that we all care about you and pray for you and your comrades talk about , deal with , dont bottle it up get rid of it trust me on that one. and keep your self safe so you can come home.

[porkyrees]

Best of luck mate and as we used to say keep your F...ing head down.From an aussie.Porky Rees

[map9]

Dear Mc, It's wonderful that you have found this forum. Take care out there and I wish you much love and I honor you for your sacrifice to us here at home. Bless you in a million ways. I'm glad you can get internet access and post here on this forum. There is so much great information that can help you. Love, map9

[RNning]

Hey McCrea, I can't imagine what you see and deal with while you are there, but rest assured we are here to help when you log in here. Remember to breath, when time and opportunity permit - and seek medical assistance asap. Take care, be safe.

[moki]

Hi Mccrea
Very cool that you found this forum at this time...I honor and admire you for your service. Keep hanging in there, and like everyone else has said, get online and to this forum as much as you can...

[WarHippy1%]

Welcome to the forum, Bro. I see somebody already advised you to talk to somebody professional, but let me stress that. The military is big on the concept of, "We're men, we can take it", and then they send our kids into battle with no idea what to do if something like you experienced, happens. The quicker you get someone professional to talk it out with (debrief), the less the effects are gonna be on you. They didn't know that during Vietnam, I held one of my close friends in my arms as the life drained out of him from a land mine. And then I came home and came down with hepatitis from the vietnamese food, and got put into a VA hospital in isolation for 30 days with nobody to talk it out with. You don't want to live life like I have, so please get help.
I have to assume that your wife is as young as you. Both of you are too young to have to deal with what you've experienced. You can't change your end of it, but you could very easily cause her to run by insisting she hear what happened. She probably needs to talk to a professional also, to be able to deal your PTSD symptoms. Maybe sometime in the future she'll be ready to talk with you about it. Be thankful for this forum, I went 20 years undiagnosed, wondering why I didn't fit in. Thank you for serving our country, here's a quote that may comfort you, "For those who fought for it, Freedom has a flavor the protected will never know" (anonymous)
WarHippy1%
1st Cavalry Division (AIRMOBILE)
The First Team
Vietnam '69, '70, '71

[GRUNT11B]

Hello Mccrea,
When I was originally diagnosed with PTSD I didn't want to believe it. I was similar to what some of the other members have said, "Be a Man," but believe me, a few years later and a lot of meds and inpatient therapys, that attitude didn't work with me. I had similar problems with my wife as well. We met a married in Germany and I think she had trouble getting used to the idea that I wasn't what she married.
All in all it comes down to healing for yourself as in the end there are only yourself and other people with PTSD that can relate to you. At least thats been my experience. I love my wife but she ca't help me. So I have to help me so our relationship will hold together.
Please come back from the sandbox and immediately get help and don't wait years like I did or 30 years like the Vietnam vets did. You must search out the system because it won't come looking for you.

Bro in arms