View Full Version : Maus's Story
okay I could do this
but it will be in small pieces
I could use it for my trials they are in english although they will translate my dutch of course. It's for the European committee of human rights in Strasbourg, France. Me up against the government. Yes I am a though cookie :-)
I am still alive and that pisses off a lot of people, but I am fighting for the life of someone and as long as I haven't heard that that person is dead I will continue, forever. I will not succumb, they made a big mistake taking me as their opponent.
You cannot destroy the life of an innocent citizen and than say oops mistake, and that twice! in 40 years time because they forgot that the first time was a mistake, so they did it again?! And apologize!! twice!! Forget it, you are going down and hard. My life is over I fought so hard the last 20 years to overcome their first "mistake" and when everything is coming up roses they start all over again. I am too old to start over again, I don't have another 20 years.
I am taking everybody down with me this time.
I am replying my own thread because I don't know how else to continue:smile:
I received a letter from the european court of human rights after only 3 weeks! The have accepted my letter and I now have 6 months to hand them over the documents. After that 3 judges are going to decide to prosecute the government. Or not...
I could place the letter here if I dare...
becvan
16-03-2007, 10:14 AM
yep go ahead Maus.
It's a nice start. Try listing (just in bullet form or point form whichever term you prefer) your trauma(s). Once you start that list then you begin by looking over it and writing about the worst trauma first. you can keep adding to the list of what else is traumatic by selecting "edit" on the post with your list in it.
Good job!
bec
I called my therapist/counsellor her name is Beata because I only open letters with her on the phone otherwise I am to afraid for the contents and the consequences for my mental and physical health because for 3 years I have had to read that I am worthless and a future murderer and a raving lunatic etc. Therefore I cannot read letters anymore from the government, judges or everybody else.
I got tears in my eyes from the letter when I red it to her. I cannot cry anymore.
next week my lawyer and I are going to start with this lawsuit that is my only change to get my life back and start healing.
Yes thnx Bec found the edit button!
Well Bec I am not going to pinpoint out my traumas or make a list of them because then I am going insane I think
But the letter as a whole I can do that than I don't have to type or read or see with my own eyes. I know what happened. I will never forget. Unfortunately
The Registrar
European Court of Human Rights
Council of Europe
F-67075 Strasbourg Cedex
Subject: Complaint concerning the Netherlands
February 21, 2007
Dear Judges and Members of the Court, Ladies and Gentlemen, Madam, Sir
To all it may concern
On the second of December 2004 (02-12-04) at 17.30 hours in the early evening I sat on my couch in my house, alone, watching TV I think, with some dinner on a plate beside me. Breastfeeding my first and newborn baby JL, holding her in my arms while she lay resting on a breastfeeding cushion; she was a few days old. I just returned from doing groceries in the small village’s supermarket, the groceries were still in the trunk off my car because my baby was hungry and I wanted to breastfeed here immediately. I saw blue police car lights in my garden. I wondered why and thought there was something going on with my neighbors. But policemen were talking in my garden for some time I could here some mumbling I walked once or twice to the window but I couldn’t see anything, still with my baby suckling my breast and then after some minutes (5 or 10 minutes) they banged on my front door. There were multiple policemen and cars. They were shouting that I had to open the door and banging on it. I was tired and didn’t understand what they wanted and asked them to come back tomorrow because I was breastfeeding my hungry baby, I was still recuperating from the delivery. Then they started talking to more people in my garden whom I couldn’t see. They said that they had a warrant that I had to open the door. I asked them what warrant. But they refused to answer and kept banging the door and shouting. I became alarmed. After some more whispering with people in the garden they flashed a peace of paper and started shouting and banging the door again. I said I couldn’t see or read what the paper was about. They deliberated some more with the for me invisible people in the garden and showed it once more for more than one second I could just read something like that it was a warrant to open the door I couldn’t read anymore because they pulled the paper away again very quickly. I called a neighbor on the phone for help and advice what to do. I said, “They are going to take away my baby”. Because this neighbor told me during my pregnancy that my baby was going to be taken away from me after birth, but my gynecologist, whom I have told this to, and I, didn’t believe her. She said, “Oh should I come over?” I said no. I didn’t know what to do. I was alone there were a dozen or so policemen shouting and banging and intimidating me. I opened the door. About 15 people stormed into my house. They took my baby out of my arms.
I have never seen her again for the rest of my life.
I was arrested by the police and locked up in an institute for the mentally insane in an isolation cell. The psychiatrist told the judge that someone had called them and said that I was suicidal. That I had a mentally ill brother who killed himself after being locked up for years in an institution for the mentally insane. I told them that I never had a brother. The judge, the only judge who ever talked to me directly and in person, demanded an investigation what had happened to me and where my baby was and an investigation into the government agency. And he wanted to know who had done this and who helped those people to pull this off. All the people that I know should be talked to. This never happened. The judge said that there was nothing wrong with me. The psychiatrist however said that I looked, talked and behaved normal, but that I was not normal. I also had a high IQ and I worked as a psychiatrist myself therefore I knew all the right answers to convince everybody that nothing was wrong with me. He said that if I committed suicide, nobody could help me because there was no proper road to my house. The judge finally complied because he told me that in case of doubt he had to decide to lock me up. Another psychiatrist told me that I was to be reunited within 2 weeks with my baby at a psychiatric ward in a hospital. Three days later she said that the government called this of and that I had to be committed to an institute for the mentally insane mothers, which belonged to the government. There they wanted to make videos of my baby and me. After 10 days they let me go. Because the psychiatrist said that I was “a completely normal mother with a perfectly healthy baby”. I was never committed to this other psychiatric facility of the government because my lawyer found out that I was not to be reunited with my baby. The government wanted me to be locked up in another institute voluntarily without intervention of a judge and refuse to put in writing that I would be reunited with my baby. I had to sign a piece of paper that I voluntarily let myself be committed for an indefinite period of time for purposes of gathering information about my insanity and my intentions to kill my baby and that I would only see my baby for the making of videos films once a week for one hour. I refuse to sign this following the advice of my lawyer. I was not supposed to help the government to make their case after the fact and in doing so possibly incriminating myself in return for my baby.
The investigation ordered by the judge never took place because I was released; therefore there was no need for any further investigation. I called the judge that my baby was still missing and he said that he could not help me anymore and that I should find a good lawyer to assist me finding my baby.
After my release the police arrested me again, and again and again because of allegations from all kinds of people who called them to have me arrested, which they did. I stayed in police cells for 3 up to 10 days each time. One day my cats were poisoned when I came home. One of them died despite of weeks of hospitalization and veterinary care. They lived with me for 16 years. The police told me that my neighbor didn’t want me to live in my house. The neighbors used a digging machine to make a ditch around my house where there was a road on one side. As a result of this I couldn’t reach my house beside by jumping over the ditch filled with water. The first night I fell into the water because I didn’t know that they removed the road. I called the police who refused to help me. The neighbors told me that the police had advised them to do so to prevent me from living in my house. The police denied this. They laid rocks on the other side of the road making it impossible to drive over it with my car. Finally I was put in jail because I was a danger to other people and not insane anymore. I was however locked up at the section for the criminally insane because they said I was suicidal (still or again, I don’t know). Therefore there were cameras and the light was on for 24 hours to watch me, as they did in the isolation cell in the mental institution. I was released after some months under the condition that I was never to return to my house. They took away my house because they said I was a threat to the neighbor. I wandered the streets and lived some time in my car until it broke down.
I was alone and helpless and crying and shouting for my baby.
I have never seen her again.
The first trial, two weeks after her abduction, took 2 minutes and 40 seconds. The judges said that they had to make 300 decisions in one day and that they didn’t had more time. Therefore they decided to investigate for the next 3 months. Because the government said that they believed in the competence of the physician who signed the warrant. This was on the sixteenth of December 2004. On the eighteenth the government came to my house to apologize for the abduction and said that my baby would be returned to me within seventy-two hours. She never came home. I have never heard or seen the government ever since. I have called them every day where my baby was but nobody spoke to me or returned my calls.
The next trial was 3 months later. Because nothing had happened the judge decided to have a next trial in 6 months and ordered again to investigate. Nothing happened. After that they decided to investigate for 12 months. Nothing happened. Then for another 12 months, nothing happened. And it goes on and on like this. They are supposing to investigating now for 3 years all that time I am not allowed to see my baby. Nobody knows were she is. They told me that she is in hiding because I would kill her otherwise. I have never seen or heard from anyone since they apologized to me 3 years ago.
I lost all the trials on the basis of stories people told about me. I was supposed to be insane and my baby was abused and I was going to kill her they said. Therefore I was not allowed to see my baby.
The judges believed all these stories told by the government who said, the first two years, that all the information came from physicians. They said that I was a bad mother, because I worked as a medical physician and didn’t want to stay at home after maternity leave and resume my work and wanted to put my baby in a daycare centre. Only bad mothers did that. Good mothers don’t work and put their babies in a daycare centre. I was a bad mother because I didn’t want to end my career. I am 43 years old and work for more than 15 years as a physician. It was clear to the judge that I hated my baby and wished her dead or never born. Because the government said that I wanted to abort her during pregnancy. And the judge said that I choose for my career and not for my baby.
Also I was breastfeeding her and that was child abuse because bottle milk was superior. My baby was malnourished because of my poor quality of breast milk and the fact that I did not have money for bottle milk. People from the government told this to the judges and said that this information came from medical physicians whom I have never seen or heard of. They didn’t examine my baby and me but got telephone calls from other people. The physicians also said that the recommendations of the WHO only applied to black people because they only had studied people in Africa and therefore the recommendations of the WHO concerning breastfeeding did not apply to white people. For babies of white people’s bottle milk was the best.
They also said that I didn’t eat and was loosing weight. My gynecologist examined me after the abduction and told me that I was in excellent shape and that I could go bungee jumping because of my top condition.
Another reason for taking away my baby was, that I am a single mother. I did not have a husband who should be the head of the family and caretaker and provider. Homosexuality was never discussed as a possibility. The judges only talked about heterosexual relationships and families as such. My home was therefore not a “harmonious family situation”. The judges asked me if I already had a husband. When I told them that I stayed in a house with a male person (I was homeless since the judge took away my house) they rejected that because I knew this person only 6 weeks.
They said that I was not a medical physician and that I had no knowledge what so ever about raising and taking care of babies.
I lived in a rural area on a farm this was not allowed, I had to live in a city.
I did not have contact with my neighbors, which was essential because a single working mother could not raise a child by her own. A psychiatrist admitted this.
The appeal court on the other hand wanted me to work and find a job, but they agreed also that I must have a husband and they wanted me to go back to an institute for the mentally insane voluntarily, to which I and other psychiatrists refused to comply.
I also refused to get involved with a man or start a relationship. Although I considered it and tried to comply. But the men were not interested in my baby and wanted me to give her up.
I also refused to on one hand end my career as ordered and on the other hand start a new job in return for my baby. I tried to find a job and started working again for some time as ordered by the appeal court.
At last I did not understand what to do, stop working or start working every time they decided something else.
The judges one time pulled their hair in despair and shouted, “what must we do with this case!”
The judges wanted to know why I have never seen my baby again. One of the explanations beside that it was all my fault was that the government said that they didn’t have my telephone number to make an appointment. My lawyer said that my telephone number was the same as the government had from the day of the abduction and had never changed in all these years.
They had told me for some forty times the first year that I could see my baby but they canceled all the appointments for several reasons. In the first year it was because I could only see my baby if I let myself be locked up again. But even when I was locked up in those ten days they called of all the appointments. For instance because the name of a nurse was incorrect, or because they didn’t have a car, or because the number of the room was wrong, or they had no personnel etc. After one year they stopped demanding that I should be locked up. This was not necessary anymore. They demanded however that I stopped calling them to see my baby. The judge complied because he said that he didn’t understand why I was calling everyday what the purpose was and that I had to stop calling because the secretaries of the government agency didn’t liked it and said that they felt threatened by all my calls to see my baby. The government has never called me. After the second year the judge asked again why I haven’t seen my baby and demanded that I should see my baby. The government blamed another government organization for this. Therefore the judge appointed another government agency but they refused. They blamed me for this in the next trial six months later. In that trial they finally admitted that the mother and the baby were innocent and that there was nothing wrong with us. They also said that all babies from 2 years up to four years old should never be returned to their mothers because this would be harmful for the development of the baby. This was only possible for the first two years but since I have never seen my baby it was now too late because she would turn 2 years old in 2 months time. She was 22 months old at that time. The judge accepted this explanation and prolonged the separation of mother and baby for another 2 years.
Another judge said that she wanted the baby to be returned to the mother as soon as possible. The government refused and started asking for psychiatric rapports again after two years.
The mother and baby are innocent but the government will not bow. They said that I had to stop the lawsuits otherwise I will never see my baby again. And the fact that I was not given up was prove that I did not love my baby otherwise I would quit and give in.
They said that if I returned to a clinic for the mentally insane I would get my baby back. But they refused to put that in writing.
The judges have numerous medical files that my baby and I are mentally and physically perfectly healthy. But all the medical files were rejected because the judge asked the government what they had to do with all the medical evidence and the government advised the judge to ignore them so they did. They also wrote that access to my medical files was denied to protect involved third parties.
The quality of my breast milk was examined in a laboratory and that was fine. There was nothing wrong with my milk.
They found out that the financial problems also did not exist at that time.
I did not have any legal council or lawyers to help me. I started calling everybody and everywhere for help. The majority of the lawyers refused to help me or backed out at the last moment and didn’t appeal although they said they would. They were helping the offenders and prosecutors instead of me. They agreed that a husband was of the utmost importance and started involving the procreator into the situation. They called each other without my knowledge not to help me. They refused to plea in court on my behalf and said nothing. They withheld medical files and other information. They said that I was a liar and insane, and that they too would advise the judge to put me in an institute for the mentally insane and sent me away to find another lawyer. They said that I couldn’t prosecute the state, the policemen, the judges, the government, their agencies or the district attorneys. There was nothing I could do legally or otherwise. The Supreme Court in The Hague refused to study the case and rejected my appeal. Lawyers already told me that nobody stands a change towards the government in these cases and that going to the Supreme Court is useless. They were right. The Supreme Court said that de decisions are always 3 or 6 or 12 months and that therefore the verdict doesn’t exist anymore by the time you go to the Supreme Court because by that time there is a new verdict for yet another year and the old verdict is discarded. Therefore they never take these cases, because they cannot rule within a year, they need more time and by that time the verdict doesn’t exist anymore. And they don’t rule about verdicts in the past that are substituted by another verdict although the verdict and the allegations are exactly the same and nothing has changed. The lawyers also told me that I don’t have a case for your court and refuse to help me.
Everybody tried to stop me from prosecuting and to go on with my life. They said you fought like a lion for your child but you will never win. I didn’t give up. I refuse to forget my baby girl. I know she must be alive somewhere. I know I was pregnant. I know I gave birth. I know she exists. Somewhere. I went on all by myself. Nobody supports me or helps me. At this moment I have a lawyer who goes to the judge once a year to convince her that I am innocent and to give back my baby. She refuses.
My mother called me one day and told me that the government agency had said to her on the phone that there was no solution in this case, that I would never see my baby again, and that they were waiting for me to take my own live. They were convinced that I would commit suicide eventually and that I wasn’t going to make it. I called my lawyer who admitted that the government was right and that she agreed that my death was the only solution, she didn’t see any other alternative.
Journalists did not believe me either and couldn’t get any information from lawyers, medical physicians or judges. One judge claimed amnesia. At a certain point after some articles in the newspaper the judges forbid publication in the media about this case after the government agencies demanded this. The judge complied. The journalists ignored the ruling of the judge without any consequences.
The judges and the government now say that it was all a mistake. The baby should never have been abducted and should have been given back to the mother straight away. Everybody is blaming one another and refuses to take responsibility. And the judges blame me, because the government says that everything is my fault. And the judges listen to the government agencies.
But I do not get my baby back because that would not be in the baby’s best interest because she does not know the mother because they weren’t allowed to see each other for years. And this is my entire fault. I am to blame for everything that has happened to my baby and me. The judges agree. After some more years the baby could be returned to the mother but the government says that I have never loved my baby. Now the judges want me to prove that I love my baby and they want me to prove that I have the skills to raise a child. If I can’t comply they are considering handing over my baby with the procreator. He told me that he arranged with his ex-wife that he would give my baby to her. She has accepted that proposal.
A newly appointed judge said last year that she wanted an investigation how I am doing now because she said we know that the mother and the baby were all right two years ago but that is two years ago. Now the mother is homeless and financially bankrupt, confused, afraid and can’t work anymore. The judge wants to know if I am still able after all the ordeals of taking care of my baby and myself at this moment. The investigation was supposed to be started 8 months ago, nothing happened.
The trials go on for another 9 years (each year 1 trial to inform after the baby). In total 12 years. I am allowed to be present but not allowed to say anything. After these 12 years they said that they will asked my baby what she thinks of me as her mother because she can than decide that she wants to live with me. But she has never seen me nor I her.
The medical physicians and nurses were acquitted and rewarded with compliments from the judges because they saved the life of my baby because it was proven that I was going to become insane and kill my baby in the future. This has been giving as the reason and explanation for the fact that my baby and I were in perfect mental and physical health at the time of the abduction. The government says that indeed nothing was the matter because they acted so quickly soon after her birth before anything could happen in the future. The government said to the appeal court that they were allowed by law to perform “preventive abductions” of healthy babies and children. The judges accepted that explanation, although the lawyer said that this was not true and that it was only allowed if they had any evidence prior to these “preventive abductions”. The physicians admitted to the judges that they have never seen or examined my baby and I prior to the abduction and that all the information came from the neighbor and that it was only after the abduction that the first medical and laboratory examination took place in the hospital and the institute for the insane. The conclusion that we were in perfect health was reported immediately to the government agency. But they told the physician who put his signature under the warrant that it was now too late that the baby never would be returned to the mother and that he should never had signed in the first place.
The neighbor told the judge that she only wanted me to leave my house and move elsewhere, like she threatened the previous owner of my house, who warned me to be careful with this woman, and that she had nothing to do with the abduction of my baby. She was acquitted.
The procreator, a man I saw a few times 4 years ago said to the government that he wanted to help therefore he assisted them to put me away in an institute for the insane. He had me arrested after my release because of calling him on the phone for help. He got the custody of my baby with the help of the government. They said that if I gave the custody to this man I could in turn see my baby. The government wanted him to become custodian and spokesman for me because I was insane and dangerous to my baby. He can see my baby whenever he wants and the judge maybe wants to give my baby to him in a couple of years. I have not seen this man after those few encounters 4 years ago, because he put a restraining order on me. The judge acquitted him of any wrongdoing.
I know that I have to give clear details. I started accordingly but it is too much and to traumatizing to bring back all the memories. I tried.
Please help my baby and me.
I know that you are very busy with all the applications and that people’s lives are in danger as we speak. But every day my baby develops further and bonding between us will be distorted for the rest of our lives. Needless to say that in this case, time is of the utmost importance.
Yours sincerely,
Miss **** ****, mother of **** **** ,
Dutch citizen and medical physician by profession, unemployed since maternity leave
okay I did it
I don't mind talking about it but not about "that"
I cannot talk about "that". I believe, because hope is all I have that "that" is alive. My lawyer ask me a few weeks ago why I think that "that" is alive and I really wasn't even in shock because that possibility doesn't even come to my mind. I know that day was the last day anyone has seen "it" alive, but that she is really dead is something I just ignore as a possibility.
Note the "she" :smile:
We Beata and I don't talk about "it" we know and she keeps my hopes up but knows I'll go insane talking about "that"
Please don't force me because you think otherwise Beata and I follow our own course and I am sometimes leading sometimes following but she let me decide what to talk about and when. I need that control, because being powerless and having no control is part of ptsd.
I talk about the outcome, the ptsd, the daily ordeals and the trials, how to cope, how to stay alive.
talking about traumas, making a list, well this above was just 3-4 months of my life; you don't want to know the rest
I can only say this that they did this to me 40 years ago for the first time.
The mother and child have never seen each other again.
My life was a hell. Child abuse, hospitalisation, nobody listened until I was 13, I was rescued, I started my life, went to school, lived by myself, started my education in medicine at the university. I have been alone ever since it happened, no family, nothing, alive and then suddenly I couldn't read anymore. Needless to say that I suffered from ptsd all my life and when I was in my twenties I reach out for help. This was used 25 years later by the government to pronounce me insane and the fact that they did it once before was their justification, and why they took her away soon after birth. The government didn't know that after 15 years of lawsuits they apologized to me for what had happened. They said, "this will never happen again". I found out that the neighbour had planned this from the day I told her I was pregnant. We didn't stand a change from day one. We were doomed and convicted before she was even born for something we never did. We were happy.
Beata helped me I was diagnosed with depression then. I was cured and stayed with her for 4 years but as a physician I work 120 hours a week and I couldn't find the time.
I met her again when I was in my thirties to coach me with my problems at work, my co-workers, the usual ptsd remaining symptoms. Not fitting in, never had a mother never had family never learned to attach to somebody.
10 years later in my forty’s I called her and told her what happened and that they used my therapy sessions with her 25 years ago as prove that I was insane and a future murderer. I was convicted.
Beata helps me every day. I called her relentlessly every other hour, than a few times each day, then daily. We now speak once a week, that is a regular appointment but I call her whenever I need her and that is several times a week.
Night and day. She is retired but stands by me. Only she, there is nobody left. I am alone and alive. I started therapy with her successor once a week but I am not allowed to call him and he doesn't really help me at all with nothing.
Oh and maus, my cat that survived, she is 17 that is 99 years old? She is dement and deaf and becoming blind. She started screaming from that day on and hasn’t stopped. Traumatized I guess. We lost everything that day and she lost her brother my tomcat, she was with him for 15 years. He was poisoned.
I live in an apartment building. I don't leave the house unless I must. I scream, have explosions of anger, can't sleep, etc.
Now 3 years later I am worse off than I was ever before. Since I fled I am a little less afraid, I haven't been arrested anymore although the police and justice department were here again last week but they left without doing much harm (? understatement). I can sleep a little since one year; I can walk and speak again. I lost 20 kg. I am now 48 and can be blown away. The physical pain is almost gone beside the muscle spasms.
48 kg that is, my age is 43 I think
becvan
16-03-2007, 02:48 PM
Maus:
I have a few questions.. I think they may relate to differences in language and names of services. Answer when you are comfortable with it. Remember this thread is yours and do so at a pace you are comfortable with.
When you say the government, are you talking about a specific agency?
For example, we have Children's Aid Societies here. They do child welfare cases where they can remove children from the home (sometimes for the most bogus reasons you have ever seen!) Is that the government that took your children you are referring to? Perhaps by a different name?
I know that here the police assist in the seizure of a child; however, CAS (childrens aid society) has the control over it.
Also, you briefly mentioned that you had to survive on your own at a young age without family yourself? Hope I understood that correctly... were you also seized as a young child?
Thanks. Just trying to make sure I understand.
bec
Yes I know, different culture and language and timezone :smile:
Thnx for your response
I know the story is totally incomplete but before I can make a story that makes sense it will take a while
I only posted the letter because it was there already and in English, the letter only contained issues that are a violation of human rights not anything else.
The story starts with my mother and her childhood and the consequences for me why I was born and what happened to me after that.
Yes I was abducted when I was approximately 2,5 years old. I am alone ever since.
“Seizure” :smile: I translated that, it means, like I told everyone, that they handle the case as if they “seizure” a car.
“Remove”: there is a new law since 2 years or so that gives authorities the right to abduct children without any evidence. They call it here “preventive abductions”. They can take children away when someone calls them.
In my case it was a malicious neighbour who wanted no people around here and just called, in the hope that I would move away. She now says that it was never here intention that de baby would get hurt in the process. Her actions were solely aimed at me not because of me but because of the house in her vicinity, she threatened the previous owner also who left in time.
Yes there are government agencies that did this.
But the complaint is towards the government of the Netherlands. They have to defend themselves now.
It is the lawyer of the ministry of foreign affairs (state lawyer) who acts on behalf of the government (prime minister, ministers, houses of delegates, house of commons etc). Against me :smile: Me against everybody else.
If the government is convicted it will have repercussions for the judges who did this because they ignored the law for which the government will be convicted. Which is a little bit delicate because the government appoints the judges and the queen has to approve. Because my country is part of the European Union and cannot have laws of their own which are in violation of the laws of the EU or in violation of the laws of the justice department of the EU (or the Human rights court or the UN).
They are prosecuted now for the violation of article 3, 6, 8 and 13. The rest will follow. I have to wait every time for a decision from the Supreme Court before I can prosecute the dutch government and that takes a lot of time since no judge wants to rule anymore in this case. So they postpone and postpone forever.
Complaints against those agencies (CAS) are lawsuits in the Netherlands, they won every one of them, because otherwise the judges made a wrong decision and the judges are covering their tracks they believed all the stories without evidence.
The “preventive abduction law” is considered cruel and inhumane and a form of torture towards the mother and the baby (art.3), art 8 is the law that says that no government may interfere with the private lives of people and their way of life, their opinions, their choices, also the prohibition of taking away peoples houses and property. 6 and 13 is about the unfairness of the trials, being all alone, nobody to help or defend me, and the duration of the trials since every day is vital for the mother and the child. We are not talking impounded cars here. The physicians called the government agency within 2 hours that something was horribly wrong here and that the baby should be returned immediately. That was now 3 years ago because all the perpetrators are covering their tracks and are hoping that I would commit suicide. When I didn’t and went on with the trials they forbid publication in the papers and TV broadcasting.
GR-ass
19-03-2007, 02:27 AM
is speechless and hugs her tight.
Portabella
19-03-2007, 09:30 AM
Maus, I think you are brave, tenacious, and a true spitfire that has faired enormously well considering the horrible injustices you have undergone.
Never give up hope, I know you will meet *that* again, You have to believe Maus.....My heart holds you.....Super Hugs .......And a super hug for Maus the Senior Citizen too!
I call her now by that name. Oh this is my diary. Okay then I can write what ever I want.
Okay tantrums? anger attacks and explosions are out of control again today, started yesterday. Too bad. I was just under the impression that I had a little more controle over it. Could be for several reasons.
1. Wednesday appointment with the lawyer who is going to guide me in the lawsuit against the governement. That could cause too much stress. I haven't prepared anything. I can't. I drown in legal papers and are unable to read the horrible accusations.
2. Was in the chat room yesterday that went horribly wrong. Had a good laugh and then suddenly someone started to talk about toddlers. I can't remember much, the light went out, panic and flight. I was gone. Obsessively trying to focus on something else.
3. to much info from the forum
4. to much contact with people suddenly
somehow I think I had to much from something. I couldn't sleep yesterday so stayed awake some 36 hours I think and didn't had much sleep the night before and therefore. So too hyperactive somehow. So tired and not been able to sleep. When I laid to rest I was gone. Strange that I can't sleep and when I finally lay down I am gone? That must mean I am tired. Then why don't I feel like that and on the other hand feel exhausted. Re luctant to go to bed? Afraid? In printed memories? If I lay down, she'll be there. She'll come inside my head. Therefore I most not lay down. She doesn;t exist. I was psychotic I invented her. I was all a psychosis. Don't lay down! Danger danger danger.
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becvan
19-03-2007, 11:57 AM
Maus:
let's list the positive to those negatives! I will start with the parts I know about you can finish with the missing peicies or any others you find!
you went into chat without prompting
you interacting with numerous strangers (forum members) at once and without prompting
you showed yourself on webcam and talked on voice!
you stayed in chat, even after being triggered, for at least a full five minutes!
you did not freak out or yell at anyone, nor attention seek!
you have joined the forum, made posts, shared information!You did wonderful! yes it was a lot all at once and that would be a big part of the symptom crash.. but bravo! You did amazing and need to acknowledge and reward yourself for it!
bec
thnx for the 5 minutes. I realized that some time must have elapsed but I didn't know how much. I forced myself to stay with you but it went on and on and I tried not to look at it.
A psych. ones told me that if I could handle a situation which was very stressful for 10 minutes he would be impressed.
3 years later I am half way
Maus..... well done for withstanding the trigger for 5 minutes! 10 seconds is long when I am triggered!
*hugs (without touching)*
yeah I know, I remember the first year, a nanosecond and I was already half on my way to the moon :-). Boy was I fast to get the hell out of that "life threathening" situation whatever it was.
"without touching": I recall that, in the first episodes, all kind of things, behavior, and reactions from my first trauma reappeared, including memories.
I left those things long time behind and everything came back at a time I least needed it.
For example no touching (not even a hand or an arm) that was ages ago when I was a child, teenager. Why do I say that now? I can be touched no problem, then why does that come out of my mouth? Strange.
Anyway no touching this time of other parts that is: everything that has changed since "that" is off limits. I don't even touch myself. I don't even dare to look at myself. Thank god I were glasses. I can blur my vision whenever I want. But to have a body that's your own and to carry that with you is carrying the memory with you all the time, all the time be confronted with your triggers. I even considered a bilateral mastectomy so I would never have to be confronted with "that".
late again 02.00 AM I must sleep, orders from my therapist, tomorrow is an important day. I will meet my new lawyer.
I had to rearrange and order all the dossiers. I didn't do anything. I haven't even packed yet. I can't, I won't I resist to look at it. I'm going to put everything in a suitcase with my hard disc and take the train due south. 5 hours in total. Small country long journey though.
I took a shower today, did some groceries, opened yet another horrible letter from an asshole of a lawyer that yet another trial went wrong.
I am to blame of course who else.
Called my therapist to go over the letters. I never open them by myself. Terrified for its contents. She wished me well for tomorrow and is afraid if I don't sleep I'll miss my appt.
I won't.
for how long? It's getting tough. They started to take out the furniture, my fridge :-( no more food and I am already so skinny, my new chairs, my stereo, no more music :-( etc etc
just started to build a new home and they are starting all over
my bank account will be frozen also and that's the end then
they win
still have this new pc, 1 month old
after being on the run for 2-3 years just settled down this summer in this apartment all for nothing
have to run again
back on the streets again soon
my new lawyer is looking in to it to try to stop them but I don't think she will succeed.
it was 6,5 hours and probably even longer that journey south. I can't understand time, numbers, appt. Find words, start saying thoughts for the next sentence in this sentence, therefore making no sense for others but myself. I think faster then I speak. Searching for words. Speaking is more affected, then writing which is undisturbed. Probably something in the brain there. The area where humans can speak and think at the same time therefore can tell a fluent story. Knowing for some reason what to say next without thinking about it. I must think and still make mistakes. But it's not in the thoughts because I can think, translate and type at the same time. But as far as I know we don't know why humans can tell a story flawless and in which area that occurs. So this knowledge is not helpful for me.
Had a major seizure yesterday after they decided to take my house empty and take my money. I started running up and down again what I did for days on end the first 10 days or so until I collapse. But that was due to an illness otherwise I probably kept on running. It really hurt my legs.
I screamed and was desperate.
My therapist couldn't believe it that this was happening again. I was so tired of my journey and my exposure to my traumas for 3 hours. I was completely blank afterwards. I needed to talk to someone called my last friend. My therapist wasn’t at home. I waited for here and crashed on the couch I hadn't sleep for 48 hours or so. When I woke it was 2.00 am and I had an appt. with her on 10.00 am but when it was finally time I made a mistake again and was told it was 14.00 hours I crashed was desperate and had only suicidal thoughts I couldn't tae it anymore. Then it was 14.00 hours and then at the same time they ring the doorbell I was so tensed I screamed very loud out of fright. They scared the hell out of me. I hate that sound. So my therapist could hear everything I said. They left a letter. I picked it up later and expected some arrangement. No deal, a list of everything they were going to take away soon. I was in total panic. Had an awful attack in which I could only see suicide as an option. They win. They told my mother nobody was that strong to withstand so much pressure and that I would crack and kill my self and that they were waiting for that to happen. Unfortunately I can't because of "that" something I can't leave behind.
My new lawyer is very kind and helpful she wrote yesterday evening she is going to try to prevent this disaster.
It means otherwise that I lost the battle from the government and will never get "that" back, being homeless again.
I wonder if this is a well worked out plan or a coincidence. People are very angry that I went to the human rights court. It could be they are increasing the pressure on me to quit. I don't know.
I slept well after the letter from my lawyer.
Now I am quiet, no more spirit left in me.
Tired in my head not my body.
Tried watching TV listen to music
Nothing can make me feel a little bit alive inside
I don't want to know about other people’s problems or talk about that or read about that.
I asked for help from a specialized centre for PTSD. I had to go to my therapist this morning. I forgot to set the alarm because of all the things happening in two days in a row and because I make these mistakes all the time. Forget appt. forget the alarm, the day, the time, set the alarm wrong, all these stupid mistakes. Can't do anything and when I try to do something it is wrong. I paid one bill once, it came back, wrong name and address. Hopeless. I was so great once, so happy, I was content with my life. Not a cloud in the sky. So now I don't have a referral letter for this centre I hope he will send it by mail or post.
Soon.
becvan
24-03-2007, 07:46 PM
umm.. who is taking your stuff.. and why?
bec
I have my period now. Those are the worst times. Because of these hormones added to the already mixed up hormones and neurotransmitters in my brain it gets totally out of control.
The only positive thing about this is that it is not a sign of having a set back or going down the drain finally, but that I can explain it rationally and get over it.
In the beginning it was even worse with all the hormones because of "that" on top of everything. The psychiatrist told me I had to stop with the milk because it made me insane. But I thought she would come back, and that was the only thing that kept me alive then. I used a pump for the milk up to 3 months. Clinging on to it. Useless, the government said that mother milk was the worst milk for her and that it was child abuse and only for black people.
After 2 years or so my hormones came to rest. Now every month it comes back and reminds me of everything.
The tears of a crying womb, some ancient Greek philosopher called it once, hence the name hysteria for womb. Hippocrates? Probably.
I probably have PMS, we shall see because beside DES-NOS, PMS will also be added to the DSM V I have red somewhere.
Because of the hormones, the PMS, the PTSD the government said I was crazy and dangerous. Because of my behavior not because of these consequences of what they did to me because they say it is the other way around. I was crazy and dangerous which was obvious because of these symptoms that were part of my pre existing psychiatric disorder and thus not a result of the torture.
Only the first judge told the psychiatrists (mind you!! the judge has to explain to a doctor!?) that I was normal and these were mood swings because of my hormones.
anthony
24-03-2007, 10:52 PM
Ok... I have ear marked this one for tomorrow... now your in for it Maus. No more bullshit with this theory of yours, being your too far gone nonsense, its time to provoke your brain and get you motivated and thinking more logically about yourself.
anthony
26-03-2007, 10:35 AM
Maus, I have an interesting question here, simple really at first; being why are you avoiding becs questions? Who is doing all these things to you? Why would anyone come and take your furniture? If they are taking your furniture, then why are you still online? If they wanted to go through all this trouble, wouldn't they cut your phone from contacting others, ie. the WWW, etc?
anthony
26-03-2007, 11:21 AM
Oh, and this jumped right out at me Maus from your initial statement:
I am taking everybody down with me this time.
After our live chat discussion, just starting to push you a little and it got too much, seems to me that you don't want to be helped, you just want to hinder as many others as possible. Have you merely forgotten what life is about, and instead become spiteful towards anyone who tries to even help you, or towards yourself to actually help yourself. I don't care if your a physician, that doesn't mean you know everything about mental health, and I can see you being very hard to help for this very reason... you think because you have failed to help yourself or be helped thus far, that it's impossible.
You said to me in live chat that you have given up on yourself, and trying to help others. Things I see here from you are not really just help, but a lot of your own spitefulness coming through, ie. talking constantly to people about someone violating their human rights or the like, because of what has occurred to yourself. You are now pushing your hurt upon others as I see it, not really helping others, but exactly your statement, dragging everyone down with you, more than maybe even you think you are.
Food for thought maybe maus?
it is in the messages I posted the answers to your questions (becs and yours). I made a list of what the first ones are going to take away. This should have happpened 15-1 and is now scheduled voor 20-4. But the others are coming also (6 agencies or so in total) it is a long story.
They started with the kitchen and the living room. So thank god I have my pc for a few more weeks I hope. It is brand new and my life line and my contact with the lawyers. The date for the pc en bed etc. is not clear yet. I only have the letter that they are coming. After that they are going to block my bank account and then I don't have a phone, ADSL etc. then it is goodbey to you all.
So if you don't hear from me say in a week or so then you know I can't be on the WWW anymore.
thank you for your kind words and help?
Marilyn_S
26-03-2007, 01:37 PM
(((((maus))))))
Hope all is well. My prayers are with you.
Love & Care
Marilyn
anthony
26-03-2007, 02:24 PM
Maus, why exactly would they take all your stuff away? You must owe someone something for them to repossess all your furniture. No country, even the Netherlands, are that backward with their laws of ownership. Hell, Russias not even that bad. What have you done Maus, being more to the point. Nobody just comes and takes your furniture for no reason. You have done something wrong somewhere for them to do that.
some good news, I hope
There's an institute called the safety board, they investigate disasters or near accidents involving individuals, groups, industries etc.
Since 2002 the european court wants status rapports of every country about the human rights. This safety board is an independent (from the government) organization that makes those rapports also.
Because of their investigation last year of the death of several innocent people who were in the care of the government the minister of justice and other ministers had to resign. This made the minister of justice furious because he and his whole family before him had been in power for at least 70 years and also in the european court.
Why did this happen? Because the director of the safety board is the prince :-) yes! the son in law of the queen. He isn't really a prince, thanks to the same family who controlled the justice department for decades (they didn't allow him to wear the title prince) therefore he can have a public position in our society. Pay back ;-)
Going against the son in law of the queen is even for the minister too much to handle.
Now this man wrote me a letter that he wants to talk to me about what happened. I wonder if he is going to start an investigation or not. He started to investigate a few dozen deaths of children who were in care of the government. So I don't know if he will use this case in his rapport or not or something else or do nothing. I don't know. I really didn't expect to hear from him at all.
Saved by a prince :-) not on a white horse though
I'm not a supporter of the royal family but I'll make an exception in this case:
Long live the Queen!!
Today my lawyer saved my stuff and house for the mean time.
Yesterday was another court day. Nobody went. Except the perpetrators of course
Tomorrow I will know more. Verdict expected in 2 weeks. I already know the outcome for the next 9 years to go.
Back up plan: move with a yet unknown person to France. On the run again and again and again. Hope it all will work out and I can start a life on my own again, alone of course like my whole life. For a few hours I was not alone but that was for a few hours. I hope I will never remember that anymore.
Seeking unstable woman for drama driven love/hate relationship, Age 26
Hi there,
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You should:
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If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I'm getting excited just writing them!), please don't hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thankyou for reading my advert, and do take care.
All the best,
hm they'll be back in ten days to take away all my stuff still
got a letter from my lawyer about that
and 3 weeks ago there was a hearing with the judge and nobody went because nobody was free for that day and the judge refused to postpone. I hope she had a nice trial all by her self and hope she will rot in hell
new chance next time 6 months later
the trial about my imprisonment is 21 june back to the brick again innocent but that's not what this is about they know I am innocent but I must be silenced
they abducted my baby to teach me a lesson, that didn't stop me, they tortured her that didn't work, they locked me up that didn't last long, they tried to kill me they failed, they try to push me to take my own life that didn't work also, they took my house, my stuff and now it seems they start everything all over again. I am still alive and still fighting.