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View Full Version : Please Help - What Do You Do When The Bad Never Gives You a Break?


pandora
06-04-2007, 08:44 AM
Will i am putting this under introductions, not sure if this is the right place.

I will start out and move slowly as to not confuse even though it is still so confused in my head.

Age 0-10, wonderful family life, middle clsss my mom stayed home my Dad had a great job and were were doing very well for a middle class working family, I was a volunteer at 12 at a nursing home and the hospital, during that time i was a full time stident an an active member in the church, youth group, taught Sunday school, was in the quoir and volunteered for numerous events in the church. i was in the youth group leader class or what we called "Teens In Action" and we did a lot of things together as a church family
.My grandarents also belonged there and there were 20 grandghildren but I was the only one to attend.

Anyway when i was 10) my Dad developed kidney cancer, kidney removed and then in had spread to his brain, 3 times they did open brain surgery. He was 40, he could not walk and needed help for all ADl's. He died 2-3 years later after being bedridden in our living room. I was going into grade 10 and my Dad was my best supporter and "I was his little nurse which is what I went on to be, I later graduated as a registered nurse in 1994.

After my Dad died, 10 months to be exact i was raped by a srtanger in a place i should have been. I was in there, trapped having horrible things done to me that I didn' know even existsed and he tried to smother me with a pellow more that once, to scare me into not to telling or he would kill me.

i did tell my youth group leaders but it was too late to find him and i was emotionally distraught and thouht he was going to come and get me. i then moved out of my Moms as she was too emotionally distraught. My mother was also srarting to emotionally abuse me with her words and I learned at a very young age that there where people in this world that abuse people but my Mom and Brother were taking out there anger on me. I moved into live with my youth group leaders. During this time I OD'd once because I wanted to be with my Dad. The next few years were a blur. I had dropped out of school. This was in grade 10 after the rape, i could not function. I did eventually go back because prior to leaving school even with all of my family drama I was always on the honour roll.

But then one night I did overdose. I spent some time in the hospital, I was 16- 16. My whole family had abandoned me and my Dads family, even my Mom or it could have her but they never checked enough to show that they care and I truly feel like someone "family" should have helped me, my yough group leaders were wonderful and they took me into there home but at my age, it was almost ike the twilite zone had just happened.( We were all very close when he was sickthey always checked to see if we were ok) So needless to say, very alone in the whole world. I got back into highschool, worked my but off, this is while just tryying to live and support myself because my whole family just seemed to abandod everyone. I love them all so much it is just hard for me to not have them think that I am worthy enough to just make sure things are ok. And.Well my Mom she vacationed in hawaii for a while, I was 15 living with the yough group leaders and at that time, i loved it. Know as adult it makes me sad that I had to deal of all of this with strangers because i came from such large families.

So, anyway i finished high school, took a sciences courrse and got all A's, i was accepted in nursing!!!!!!!!!!!1700 people applied and they accepted 107. I did it.

During that time I was dating a very pysically, emotionally and sometimes sexually abuse man. i graduated and we were together on and off 7 years. i broke up with him 7 times,then i got pregnant on the todays sponge which i just heard has been put back on the market now.

I have a wonderful, loving, funny, eccentric, apathetic, empatheric, caring, loving wonderful 11 year old with aspergers syndrome and tourettes sydrome.
he is brilliant and received the academic award last year, he is in spec ec but they say he is doing the best, so we are very proud of the progress and obstacles that he is able to push to make it through and he is trying his best.
I can't write anymore.
I hope to get some responses
I know there is much more to share but I am too exhausted
thank you for listening:doh:

Lets move forward, i graduated as an RN. I got a job and only one out of eight of us got jobs then. i was very fortunate. i married my then controlling husband and when my son was 18 months and deceided it was ok to scream and yell and have his hands over my throat, i did not, and i left for my sons safety as well as my own.


I worked and worked, payed through a divorce, or rather fought because "he was going to burn everything in the house before i got a dollar. (and I have his son to support) and bye the way I should remember my son has high fungtioning aspergers, tourettes and OCD just to name a few and although he is excelling it is because of our hard work and the spec ed teachers at the school. His father has seen him one time in 6 months.

pandora
06-04-2007, 09:12 AM
OK. I didn't realize this was going to be so hard but now that it seems like the flood gates are open my mind wants to explode.

It might be better to keep it simple.

Had a great childhood 0-10
My Dad got sick with cancer we saw a alot of things that people shoud not see, sepecially at my age and not have it explained.
Do you know what it like to at 11 years old to de told he is going to die but he lives 3 more years, BUT,,,,,,,,,in and out of hopital, bed bidden, total paralysis left side etc etc.
I helped him as his little nurse. 12-14
He died when I was 14 AND THAN WHOLE FAMILY STARTED TO ARGUE and has been together once in the last 20 years, my brothers wedding (one of the hardest days ever) The one that I grew up in, baptised, confirmed but because my Dad was dead I could not have a wedding, looking back-bad mistake.OK back to the family started arguing.

I am talking before he was even buried. AHHH it was ao awful and i didn't understand much other that I was forbidden to talk to any of my Dads sisters ( he had 8, 5 at least that he had made me close too) I would catch holy hell if i spoke about them in any context or said that i would like to visit them, it didn't work that way on my mothers mind.

My Mom seemed to change, completely. i still went to church and my youth group leaders were a super support and without them i would not be here today. They have let me down in the past but I forgive them, they are only human.
I feel like I am going on too much and want to simplify.

OK left my sons father, worked, worked and worked, and was really doing well, bought a home at 24 after putting myself to school and living

on my own for quite a few
years.
This is hard!

i will try to return later
:walking: :dont-know

becvan
06-04-2007, 09:33 AM
Yes it is very hard to start journaling your trauma. Your doing a great job! Remember to take breaks also! I found, when I started mine, that I would push and push and then crash hard, instead of allowing myself some time to feel and relax.

Remember to read all of the stickys for the trauma area so you have an idea of what to expect and what to do!

bec

pandora
06-04-2007, 10:56 AM
Sorry!!!really like to speak to someone.

Burn
06-04-2007, 09:16 PM
Hey, pandora. No need to apologize. Your reaction is pefectly normal. You've been and are under high stress. If you want, you may pm me.

batgirl
07-04-2007, 12:56 AM
Sorry!!!really like to speak to someone.

I agree with Burn, PM someone or try going into the chatroom for support. Or, post about a particular thing that's bothering you on the Chat PTSD board or the Private PTSD board. People don't tend to post in others' diaries as much. Take care.

pandora
10-04-2007, 07:31 AM
I still have to edit and spell check. i don't have the energy right now. I apologize for all of the errors, will fix soon. i really can speak, can't type and was having a very bad day.:pills:

anonymous
13-04-2007, 03:42 PM
I know what you mean when the bad stuff never seems to stop. You can read my diary or talk to me if you want.

Marilyn_S
15-04-2007, 12:47 PM
Hello Pandora,
I am glad you have chosen to start your journal. I can relate to your feelings. Hope you are able to find the support you seek. Feel free to PM me any time and I will get back with you as quickly as possible.

Love & Care
Marilyn S.

pandora
16-04-2007, 02:36 AM
Hi Marilyn

Nice to meet you. It is nice when others understand what others are going through. I have been feeling totally alone in this and now I don't feel so alone. You are a very lucky woman to have such a supportive husband. I too, had a supportive husband that I could NOT let in and NOW I realize why?Too late now. When my symptoms became unmanageable I was in what I thougt was a serious committed relationship but that ended with "Why ME, Why NOW" (he was referring to himself) and what am I supposed to do?.Wait for my d@ck to fall off? So again NOT supportive, along with others saying, I just need to get on with my life...Yep.I like this life. (ha ha) So.indeed I am looking for support, now to just trust people again?Working on that one.
Thank you for taking the time to read my journal. I'll get back to it soon.