Moving Heaven and Earth....

[Marina]

... and you know- it's still not enough. Never is.

So hiya- my name is Marina, if i may- i'd like to hang around and learn how to heal or help myself... anything constructive really.

That's my 1%- i'll save you the 99% drama.

Maybe later?

Marina

[becvan]

Welcome Marina!

Of course you may, we are all here for the same reason!

bec

[cookie]

welcome to the forum, marina

[Marlene]

Marina,

Welcome to the forum.

[Marina]

From what i've read i'm quite similar to the rest of you here.... in a way i think i've collected the categories of abuse over the decades unwittingly; sexual abuse early on, rapes later followed by sexual assaults and old fashioned assaults, dreams and nightmares and years of poor sleep, suicidal idealization, depression by the train load and loss of more jobs than i can count.

And you know the coup de' gras?

It was always someone "f'in" with me... then about two months ago i went to this tiny clinic in Houston and the most unlikely of therapists told me i had PTSD- which i promptly ignored until today. Nevermind i lost four jobs since then...

Then it struck me.

And here i am, i need to get out there and live my life. There are things to do, bills to pay and house to clean and so on, i don't have time for any of this... but i do have to make time for a lasting recovery and in this instance i'm afraid if i am to survive i'm going to have to lock it all down and go on disability... and i need to hear myself say this-

Yes, it is that bad! I'm afraid it's come to: "Get busy healing or get busy dieing!" (I'm cautious about the nasty details because i don't want to be edited or banned!) So you see- i'm going to have to dedicate myself seriously.

Ain't it kewl? Feel better writing this already!

That's my two cents anyway-

Marina

[veiled]

I came from the Houston area that I lived forever... a few months ago. Do not worry about being open and blatant. Not a reason for banning. Spill it and bitch, let it out... It feels a lot better then and you can also heal then.

[anthony]

Hi Marina, welcome to the forum. Glad you have come to such self realization yourself, and here you are looking for self improvement. Well done to you. It is tough initially, but gets better the more you progress, the more you discover about yourself, it all comes together over time... time being the big one.