Gaurav Majumdar
15-04-2007, 07:20 PM
Hi all,
I am a new member over here.Well,to introduce myself,I am an Indian(meaning living in India).I am 20 yrs old,with my parents.My father is proffesor in Mech.engg. in an university here and my mom works in national insurance company.I (touchwood)can say that I grew up in a more or less affluent way,with schooling done in a private school(south point high school in Kolkata).I am extremely jolly by nature,but sadly,due to circumstances,I feel suppressed by my parents,esp. my father.My mother had a lot of influence on me and if it had not been for her,I couldn't have reached where I am today.By the way,I am now in my 2nd yr of my mech. engg degree in the same univ. as my father's.I had to toil real hard to get in here,since we have around a 1000 seats available in this univ and we have 90000 in our state competing for it alone and by the grace of god,I got 341 rank to secure a place in one of the premier institution in the state.
But,my real problem started from my childhood.I would not say that my father doesn't care for me,it's really the other way round-he over-cares for me.But,form my childhood I didn't see a normal realtionship between my parents.He used to object violently if I went to stay at my maternal uncle's house(my mother later told me he sometimes abused her).Now,I am putting up a list of the things that on which,I think,my parents were wrong-
1)I grew up seeing violent quarrels between my parents.I can't still forget the scenes in which father tried desperately to get out of the house,shouting,while my mom tried to prevent him from creating a social ruckus in the neighbourhood in the middle of the night.
2)My father wanted to control every aspect of my life and to some extent my mother as well.It is okay to see after his/her's son's life,but not force him to do anything.I am sure,I didn't throw a lot of tantrums around in my childhood so that they could force me to correct them.My father used to beat me up if I didn't obey anyone's order/made some sums wrong in school.I remember one such incident in which I got all six simple multiplications wrong in the 2nd standard.I was sweating like hell as I came back from school with my father,fearing a severe beating as soon as he got to know about it.Expectedly,it happened.
3)I feel I needed some encouragement in my life from my parents to venture out somewhere other than my studies.I used to love playing a lot,even now I do.But,my father on the other hand was quite against it.So,I felt quite guilty even if I went out in the evenings to play.Eventually,it often resulted in beating me up.
4)I remember one case where I first time showed my mom how I practised writing joined alphabets in class 2,but it ended up in throwing the book away,after tearing it in half.
5)My father didn't have any friend as such.He of course had alot of acquaintances,since he travelled around for his job,but no school/college friends as such.Also,he had a disliking for my friends(I always like hanging out with my friends)who were not that bright in studies.So,I often felt guilty in bringing them to my house.
6)Another incident I remember where I got a punch on my nose from my father as I refused to eat sea fish.
7)This went on till around in this way till the 10th standard.I THINK,AS A RESULT OF ALL THESE FROM MY CHILDHOOD I LACKED SELF-CONFIDENCE THAT RESULTED IN MY STUTTERING/STAMMERING.
8)I was not allowed to travel anywhere on my own till 12th standard.That also contributed greatly to my lack of self-confidence.
9)from class 11,I needed to concentrate hard on my studies in order to get a birth in a good univ.But,at the same time I began to realise that if I didn't resisted this,it would continue.So,from that time on(4yrs back)I started opposing him.Just like the christmas there,we have our own hindu festivals when all of our school friends met and went out to see the festivities taking place all around te city.But,although I confronted him a number of times,I was still not allowed to go out with my friends.
10)In the school,till class 10 I had no problems in mixing with my friends as I was extremely jolly and friendly by nature.But,from class 11,I realised that I was lacking the confidence of a 17yr old boy.I thought of the days when I will have to face the world by myself as I grow up.So, I started confronting him on any issue I didn't feel right.But,meanwhile I was being constantly pressurized to do well in my studies.
11)finally,after a lot of hard work,I got a seat in the univ. I was looking for.But,as I was preparing for my school leaving exam,I made a resolve to change all of this once and for all as soon as I get into college,for, I needed the confidence to face the world.At the same time,I didn't want to alienate them from me,as I required their support in my way,not in their way.
12)So,as planned,I revamped myself on entering college,changing my looks from that of a nerd to a more or less smart boy who was serious about his future career.I thought I can change my parents quickly in order to match a normal family life,but I resulted in everyday serious confrontation.I WANTED TO DO ALL OF MY THINGS BY MYSELF,BUT FOR THAT I NEEDED TO CHANGE THEIR ATTITUDE FIRST.
13)I started going out on my own to theatres with my friends,to college,to distant places.But,regarding my studies thewy continued to interfere,resulting in violent quarrels.
14)I tried to force doing things in my own way but the fear of repurcussion from my parents was gradually getting imprinted in my memory.I tried to remove those memories of my childhood but I just couldn't.Also,quarrels became a part of my everyday life in college with my parents as they tried to restrict me from doing anything.I know I over-reacted in certain cases but that came from my past memories that haunted me.
15)Now,I often feel dejected and frustrated that why I had to face such a tormenting childhood,which often resulted in thinking about my past experiences for hours as I sat in front of the TV in the first yr of my college.
16)From the beginning of my 2nd yr,my father realised to some extent his mistakes in parenting after a number of counselling sessions with a professional ,as I was gradually getting depressed.
17)Although after 19yrs of struggle they have now promised that they will not repeat their past acts,sometimes those memories come back,making frustrated to think that why didn't they realise it on their own?So,then I grow quiet,but by self-counselling I come out it to some extent(touchwood).I know they will not repeat the things that I have told them not to,because they just remind me of my past experiences which I don't want a reminder in any case.
So,it's going on in this way as of now.I am really looking forward to your positive comments on my post.
I am a new member over here.Well,to introduce myself,I am an Indian(meaning living in India).I am 20 yrs old,with my parents.My father is proffesor in Mech.engg. in an university here and my mom works in national insurance company.I (touchwood)can say that I grew up in a more or less affluent way,with schooling done in a private school(south point high school in Kolkata).I am extremely jolly by nature,but sadly,due to circumstances,I feel suppressed by my parents,esp. my father.My mother had a lot of influence on me and if it had not been for her,I couldn't have reached where I am today.By the way,I am now in my 2nd yr of my mech. engg degree in the same univ. as my father's.I had to toil real hard to get in here,since we have around a 1000 seats available in this univ and we have 90000 in our state competing for it alone and by the grace of god,I got 341 rank to secure a place in one of the premier institution in the state.
But,my real problem started from my childhood.I would not say that my father doesn't care for me,it's really the other way round-he over-cares for me.But,form my childhood I didn't see a normal realtionship between my parents.He used to object violently if I went to stay at my maternal uncle's house(my mother later told me he sometimes abused her).Now,I am putting up a list of the things that on which,I think,my parents were wrong-
1)I grew up seeing violent quarrels between my parents.I can't still forget the scenes in which father tried desperately to get out of the house,shouting,while my mom tried to prevent him from creating a social ruckus in the neighbourhood in the middle of the night.
2)My father wanted to control every aspect of my life and to some extent my mother as well.It is okay to see after his/her's son's life,but not force him to do anything.I am sure,I didn't throw a lot of tantrums around in my childhood so that they could force me to correct them.My father used to beat me up if I didn't obey anyone's order/made some sums wrong in school.I remember one such incident in which I got all six simple multiplications wrong in the 2nd standard.I was sweating like hell as I came back from school with my father,fearing a severe beating as soon as he got to know about it.Expectedly,it happened.
3)I feel I needed some encouragement in my life from my parents to venture out somewhere other than my studies.I used to love playing a lot,even now I do.But,my father on the other hand was quite against it.So,I felt quite guilty even if I went out in the evenings to play.Eventually,it often resulted in beating me up.
4)I remember one case where I first time showed my mom how I practised writing joined alphabets in class 2,but it ended up in throwing the book away,after tearing it in half.
5)My father didn't have any friend as such.He of course had alot of acquaintances,since he travelled around for his job,but no school/college friends as such.Also,he had a disliking for my friends(I always like hanging out with my friends)who were not that bright in studies.So,I often felt guilty in bringing them to my house.
6)Another incident I remember where I got a punch on my nose from my father as I refused to eat sea fish.
7)This went on till around in this way till the 10th standard.I THINK,AS A RESULT OF ALL THESE FROM MY CHILDHOOD I LACKED SELF-CONFIDENCE THAT RESULTED IN MY STUTTERING/STAMMERING.
8)I was not allowed to travel anywhere on my own till 12th standard.That also contributed greatly to my lack of self-confidence.
9)from class 11,I needed to concentrate hard on my studies in order to get a birth in a good univ.But,at the same time I began to realise that if I didn't resisted this,it would continue.So,from that time on(4yrs back)I started opposing him.Just like the christmas there,we have our own hindu festivals when all of our school friends met and went out to see the festivities taking place all around te city.But,although I confronted him a number of times,I was still not allowed to go out with my friends.
10)In the school,till class 10 I had no problems in mixing with my friends as I was extremely jolly and friendly by nature.But,from class 11,I realised that I was lacking the confidence of a 17yr old boy.I thought of the days when I will have to face the world by myself as I grow up.So, I started confronting him on any issue I didn't feel right.But,meanwhile I was being constantly pressurized to do well in my studies.
11)finally,after a lot of hard work,I got a seat in the univ. I was looking for.But,as I was preparing for my school leaving exam,I made a resolve to change all of this once and for all as soon as I get into college,for, I needed the confidence to face the world.At the same time,I didn't want to alienate them from me,as I required their support in my way,not in their way.
12)So,as planned,I revamped myself on entering college,changing my looks from that of a nerd to a more or less smart boy who was serious about his future career.I thought I can change my parents quickly in order to match a normal family life,but I resulted in everyday serious confrontation.I WANTED TO DO ALL OF MY THINGS BY MYSELF,BUT FOR THAT I NEEDED TO CHANGE THEIR ATTITUDE FIRST.
13)I started going out on my own to theatres with my friends,to college,to distant places.But,regarding my studies thewy continued to interfere,resulting in violent quarrels.
14)I tried to force doing things in my own way but the fear of repurcussion from my parents was gradually getting imprinted in my memory.I tried to remove those memories of my childhood but I just couldn't.Also,quarrels became a part of my everyday life in college with my parents as they tried to restrict me from doing anything.I know I over-reacted in certain cases but that came from my past memories that haunted me.
15)Now,I often feel dejected and frustrated that why I had to face such a tormenting childhood,which often resulted in thinking about my past experiences for hours as I sat in front of the TV in the first yr of my college.
16)From the beginning of my 2nd yr,my father realised to some extent his mistakes in parenting after a number of counselling sessions with a professional ,as I was gradually getting depressed.
17)Although after 19yrs of struggle they have now promised that they will not repeat their past acts,sometimes those memories come back,making frustrated to think that why didn't they realise it on their own?So,then I grow quiet,but by self-counselling I come out it to some extent(touchwood).I know they will not repeat the things that I have told them not to,because they just remind me of my past experiences which I don't want a reminder in any case.
So,it's going on in this way as of now.I am really looking forward to your positive comments on my post.