Learning the Meaning of Forgiveness

[No-Twitch-Tabitha]

I have been having trouble with anger for a while now. And I've realized how terribly much (Is that proper grammar? Oh, well) I need to forgive not only those who perpetrated all their crap to me and on me but myself.

I've been doing my rosary and praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet and it hit me how pointless it is to ask for forgiveness and mercy without giving those things to myself.

[anthony]

Well done Tabitha, you are correct. Healing is not about forgiving everyone else, but more to forgive yourself. Yes, some people can forgive those who hurt them, some cannot, but more to the point, its merely about accepting that you cannot forgive them, not arguing within yourself or beating yourself up whether you should, or shouldn't, forgive them. Basically, the act of making a decision is the act that will help you heal.

[Monarch]

true but hard to do, at least for me. It is funny, someone (my pastor and my therapist said that to me this last week. I am just not there yet, I can say out loud, I didn't ask to be raped but do I feel responsible, yes I do. Why couldn't I get away, why didn't i yell more, why did I freeze and why did I hide it and never tell anyone. I feel I helped create this PTSD monster.

[Jet]

I have often said that I did far more damage to myself then my abuser's ever did. I rip myself to pieces over all of the stuff I didn't do but barely recognise all of the efforts I did make.

Hating myself came naturally to me. Blaming myself for everything followed right on it's heels. Loving myself was a completely forign concept. After years of struggling it came as a huge shock the first time I happened to see my reflection in a mirror and was not completely repulsed.