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Claire
29-04-2007, 08:27 PM
// Start The Road Interview "copy between the tags" //

This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

Q1. What colour is the road? Grey
Q2. What texture is the road? fairly even but wet
Q3. How solid is the road? its under water. its solid but underneath about 4ft of water

You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

Q4. How do you cross the river? I swim it, the current takes me downstream but I get there eventually but further down and I'm really tired getting up the bank. its clay and very slippery.
Q5. What does the water look like? Grey, fast flowing with lots of currents
Q6. How fast is the water current? Fast in the centre
Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what? branches and some floating debris, like there's been a storm


You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

Q8. What colour is the house? logs, dark reddish wood
Q9. What condition is the house in? its newly built
Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who? no, but someone's been there before me. Its got the basics inside. Its got a wood burning stove and its burning. Its warm. I think its ok to be there but I'm not sure.

We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

Q11. What colour is the cup? white
Q12. What condition is the cup in? chipped and dirty, battered as if its been out in the opnen for a long time.
Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what? no

You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail? big grey block. its like lead. It weighs a tonne and when I kick it it doesn't budge. It hurts my foot. Its smooth and is about 5ft high.


Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle? yellow flowers in a field.

// End The Road Interview "copy between the tags" //

// Start Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //

Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

Road: Think this probably means I'm finding things slow and a bit of a slog. Its hard walking through water.

River: Loads of things tripping me up and lots of obstacles but I do get to the other side. Its not easy but I DO get there.

House: not sure about this.

Cup: or this

On the road: It feels like an immovable obstacle, but its only 5ft high. So i could get round it although its not obvious how. It doesn't move when I use force which is my first line of attack. Instead it hurts my foot. Maybe the block is the car/accident.

// End Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //

anthony
27-06-2007, 04:41 PM
Claire, you demonstrate confusion looking upon your life, though feel you are progressing nevertheless. You are trusting within intimacy, though highly sexually preoccupied. You likely feel decieved and/or depreciated surrounding intimacy by a male figure. Confusion is certainly prominent along with sexual preoccupation. Your emotional regarding support system, and whilst they have been good in the past or present, you demonstrate a low self esteem. You show naivety surrounding commitment though, likely in relation to your feelings around intimacy, you feel used, deceived and lied too likely by a male.

Claire, would you say your obstacle is closer to a wall or a boulder?

Also, before your obstacle is another obstacle. What is it and please describe it?

Claire
03-07-2007, 09:13 PM
Hello Anthony, what do you mean by 'sexual preoccupation'? I dont feel it and I'm very untrusting with intimacy in the physical sense but ok in the emotional sense. Do you mean I feel deceived by a former partner or any male figure in my life? Boy, this is confusing! Yes, I feel confusion in my life that's certainly true! Yes, I have a problem with commitment. Commitment in a relationship is very difficult for me. Not that I want to cheat on someone, more like I dont want to be owned by them or controlled. I know where that's from I think. Its from my relationship with my Dad.

The obstacle in the road is a boulder not a wall. There's not another in the road. Do you mean the river?

anthony
05-07-2007, 06:16 PM
Claire, please remember these are your mental imagery interpretations, which come from your sub-conscious, not conscious. The idea is for you to connect the two, nothing anyone else can do for you.
what do you mean by 'sexual preoccupation'?
Sexual preoccupation means exactly that, your mind at the sub-conscious is occupied with sex! Sorry, but that is what is thinking about. Whether it surrounds now or in your past, I do not know, only you know, but your sub-conscious is still thinking about it.
Do you mean I feel deceived by a former partner or any male figure in my life?
What your imagery is saying, that sub-consciously you are focused on being hurt by a male figure within your life. Whether that is recent or well in the past, I do not know, only you can answer that. Someone male hurt you though, and they hurt you enough that you still carry an emotional burden with you that goes unresolved.
Not that I want to cheat on someone, more like I dont want to be owned by them or controlled. I know where that's from I think. Its from my relationship with my Dad.
Interesting already to see what is coming up. Your mental image is not always about what you may think is the problem, but its a true reflection of your sub-conscious mind, not conscious. Your conscious may believe all your issues are from something more recent, when in fact whilst the more recent issues are certainly a huge issue, you may deal with them though still feel many symptoms, believing maybe you haven't dealt with all your recent trauma, when in fact you find your sub-conscious is still dwelling upon something further in your past, that is now amplified by more recent trauma and getting PTSD, where pre-PTSD it would have sat and been left.

You reveal what the issues are without even knowing it, but the interpretations mean little to another, only you.

The obstacle in the road is a boulder not a wall. There's not another in the road. Do you mean the river?
Ok, what your saying then is that you feel as though something large has dropped in front of you and you don't know what to do with it. You feel a huge issue of more recent nature, being the larger problem within your life at present.

Lets just say "if" another obstacle is present, being you continued your journey after the cup and down the road, you see the boulder, though before the boulder you see something else. What is it?

Claire
05-07-2007, 07:04 PM
Ok Anthony. I just dont know what you are talking about really. I wouldn't say I was sexually preoccupied at all. I cant think of anything that that might refer to.

With the male figure how do I know if its my Dad or not? If its the sub-conscious mind how do I know if the conscious mind is working it out correctly or not? You say only I can know, but what if I dont?

If there is another obstacle its puddles of water. The road is broken up and has big holes in it with muddy rainwater in them.

Not sure I want to know what you make of this?! I'm just more confused. I know my relationship with my Dad is a problem which is something I've discovered in therapy. Its the reason I do the things I do and try and be independent and brave all the time.

anthony
05-07-2007, 07:54 PM
Claire, mental imagery is not about reading the response and simply it all falls into place. We only know what the sub-conscious wants us to know at the given time, ie. when we are ready to know. Mental imagery helps our two states come together, but it doesn't just happen overnight, but it will happen. The idea of imagery is to help your mind begin connecting the pieces, and it will, trust me on that one.

Interesting you say your mind does not have sexual preoccupation, though your next obstacle is still riddled with sexual issues. There is something of a sexual / intimate nature that lies within your sub-conscious that is a huge cause of your problems, though only your mind can release that to you.

Claire
05-07-2007, 08:03 PM
How did I guess you were going to say that! Oh well, I still dont know what you are on about so until that day comes I'll just have to continue blissfully unaware :cool:

becvan
06-07-2007, 01:10 AM
Claire:

I just wanted to say I struggled with this one! When Anthony first told me that I was preoccupied by sex, I thought he was nuts. I was thinking that I don't even want to be touched so how could I be preoccupied about sex? LOL, boy did I have that meaning wrong.

What it is, is the aftermath of being raped has taken over my life. I can't get it off my mind nor can I escape all the self-blame, bad feelings and odd reactions to touch. That is what I was preoccupied with! Not actual sex!

Not sure if you thought it was something different when he said it (as I so blindly did) but just in case I thought I would share that with you. I know it really threw me for a loop for a few weeks until I figured it out!

bec

Claire
06-07-2007, 03:20 AM
Thanks Bec, that makes a bit more sense but what Anthony says contradicts itself doesn't it? I do have a problem with trust and intimacy and so therefore sex but I wouldn't say I was preoccupied by it. It'll just take time. How can I be 'trusting within intimacy, though highly sexually preoccupied', i still dont get it i'm afraid. I am actually extremely untrusting within physical intimacy but very trusting with emotional intimacy. With physical intimacy I'm learning to trust.

Some of these things would be so much easier to explain if we were in the same room and not on email wouldn't they? I get so frustrated with the medium sometimes.

becvan
06-07-2007, 04:56 AM
Yes it can be a frustrating medium!

Your about half way there to getting it! LOL, don't worry it will all click suddenly. I wish I could explain it better for you. It actually doesn't contradict with the emotional intimacy. The preoccupation is with distrusting the physical. Ugh.. so hard to get and very hard to explain. I'm glad it help some though.. LOL as soon as I read this thread, I went: oooh I know that feeling of confusion! It took me almost a month to get it. Your doing great!

bec

anthony
06-07-2007, 05:27 PM
Claire, what bec said. What your getting confused in I believe I understand, because your still comparing what is said with intimacy and trust to "sex" itself, when that is not what is being said so much. We are talking about what goes on at your sub-conscious level, not conscious. Your thinking consciously about sex now, and trying to connect sex with trust, etc; when in fact its about what ever the meaning only you have at your sub-conscious level, the level of thinking you have not consciously engaged just yet, though the idea of imagery is to get the two connected. The more you think about it, the more you are on the road to engaging both senses to communicate better and release some of the real issues your brain is hiding, you are hiding.

Claire
06-07-2007, 06:13 PM
ok, I still dont get it. How will I ever know if a thought is from the sub conscious level or the conscious?:wall:

becvan
07-07-2007, 02:26 AM
Claire, dont' beat yourself up over it!

You will get it.. it just takes some time. How will you know if it's sub-conscious? Well I know how I can tell. When I finally got it, I realized that those thoughts and my feelings had been there the whole time but they were in the background of my mind. It will be one of those "ah hah" moments where your realized your already knew that but weren't recognizing it. Just keep mulling it over, it will come to you.

I dug out the examples out of my diary (hope you don't mind.) They are on pages 8 and 9, if you find this helps some and reading it will perhaps help things make sense in your mind.

I was again thinking about this sex preoccupation thing.. That bugs me. How can I be preoccupied with sex when I don't want sex? I don't want anyone near me.. I'm not a god damn nmyph ya know.. anyways, it is on my mind.. I slept with a monster.. I SLEPT WITH A MONSTER and I didn't even know it.. I supported and loved that monster.. I can't erase it and sadly can't make my heart stop loving him either.. it's like a poison in my system.. and I can't get it out.. I feel like I betrayed myself. I know what it's like to be raped and raped more than once. I know what it's like to be forced to have sex.. and yet.. I slept with someone who did this.. the guilt is eating at me.. the memories are enough to crush anyone.. I don't trust myself anymore.. I dont' trust anyone anymore.. I feel like the good part of me was soiled.. the one part that was still shiny and clean and innocent has been rotted out of me.. hell I'm in tears typing this.. It hurts and I did it too myself.. I betrayed myself and every woman that has every been raped, every child that has been molested. for his f'king lies.. I am no better than him maybe even worse. How could I not be preoccupied with this? I wish I could erase it all....

Do you now get the actual meaning to it bec? Being that "sexual preoccupation" is not about wanting sex, its about your sub-conscious having something sexual on top off it, inflaming your mind maybe??? Just like you then went on to say after the quote above left off!!!

bec

Claire
07-07-2007, 10:13 AM
Thanks Bec, no I dont mind. I'm going to try not to think about it so much because even after reading your thread I still cant really understand what its referring to.

anthony
10-07-2007, 11:35 PM
A thought can only consciously be from your conscious mind, because it must go from your sub-conscious to your conscious for you to be thinking about it. Provoke one, you provoke the other. That is the point. Provoke the conscious with an interpretation of the sub-conscious, and suddenly they both begin to communicate a little better.

Sexual preoccupation can mean a lot of things Claire, without putting ideas in your head, could mean:

# Haven't had sex for a long time and want it.
# Have been sexually abused, hiding it, thus making it on your mind trying to hide it.
# Have been abused sexually and have not dealt with the feelings or guilt surrounding it.
# The list goes on and on...

Only each person uniquely can interpret what it means to them, and will do in their own time.