Eve's Diary

[xo_eve_ox]

I have tried to start this a couple of times. I know it is always better to get things out and start to take thier power away. I will do the best I can to stay with the facts.


I was adopted, bought, at 3 days old straight out of the hospital. My biological mother was 15 and living at home with her mom, who was working in a diner to support 6 more kids. She was renting a house from my adoptive parents that also owned the diner. My adopted father gave her the house for me. At the time everybody thought that would be a good thing and sooo a done deal. My adopted mom worked at the diner too and although she seemed to want me Alot (she even padded her stomach before I was brought home to fool the neighbors) she returned to work with-in the week. She arrainged with a neighbor to bring me a bottle and change me every 4 hrs and left me at home alone.


My first memory is at about 18 mths old. I remember pulling up on some french doors that devided the living room from the dining room. I don't remember much about it except I was REALLY wanting to get out of there. I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe right. My next memory was from a few months later. We had moved to Irving, because of my adopted fathers job. It was 40 years later before I remembered all of what happened then. I always remembered a part of it, laying on a bed and Lee (adopted dad)had both my heels held in one hand ... like he was going to change a diaper. I could remember the paint on the walls, a funny smell, crying, his eyes, but I didn't remember what else happened. In fact thats the last memory I had till I was about nine yrs. old. I was being held down by Juanita ( my adopted mom) and Lee was trying to force something down my throat.


Sorry folks I gotta take a break, I thought I could just rattle this shit off, but it's harder than I guessed. I'll be back when I can.

[xo_eve_ox]

Ok, I'm back. As you can see, the sexual abuse began at an early age. I don't exactly remember everything that went on for the next few yrs, but there was also a lot of beating from my adopted mom as I grew up. I thought at 10 she was going to kill me because I was such a bad kid. Bad seed. I heard that before I really knew what it meant.

I don't seem to have any feeling about all that, and I Know that's not normal, my therapist told me many times that I was stuffing feeling. It is Not something I'm aware of, it just happens. Anyway Juanita died when I was 11, and Lee remarried about 6 mts later to a woman named Susie. She was an alcoholic he met at an old dance hall called The Old Top Rail in Dallas. By the time I was 13 I was driving her around to the bars at night while Lee was at work. She was never a happy drunk, nor would she have the decency to pass out very quickly. She was a Fighting drunk. But she would let me drink, always gave me a buck or two to play pinball (stay outta her way) and I got to drive!! Only bad part, as far I was concerned, was if she couldn't get shit started in the bar, theres was always me. About a year later Lee took me to my bio. mom and left me with her.


I want ed to go back home where I could do pretty much as I pleased, but Nannie (bio. mom) would not permit me to go back to visit. I decided I Was, so I ran away several times before she and the Youth Authority (TYA) decided they would send me to reform school. That certainly was an education. Let me assure you, physical abuse doesn't Just happen at home.


I was there till I was 16 and escaped. Didn't last long tho and about 6 weeks later I was back at TYA. About a month later I found out I was pregnant. They kept me till I was 6 months along and sent me back to Nannies house.

When Lisa was 10 days old I went to work carhopping at a small drive-in. A couple of weeks later, I met a guy and we married within 2 weeks. He had as much baggage as I did and I thought we could heal each other. That didn't work so well. We both made a lot of mistakes, had LOTS of problems with the law and ended up going on the run for a couple of years. Nannie would not let me take Lisa when I got married, and while I hated her for that at the time I see now that was a good thing for Lisa then.

The police caught us in California and jailed Eddie, but sent me back home on a bus. When I arrived at the bus depot in Dallas I was arrested for parole violation. Back to TYA. Back then they could hold you till 25. 6 mths to the day, I was served with desertion papers and Lisa was no longer my baby. They kept me till I was almost 21 and finally released me. Free at last Free at last!!

I will continue this later ...