Brief Introduction - Molested, Abused, Rejected, Homeless and Now a Lawyer

[candy]

Hello everyone. I've been lurking for some weeks now. I finally registered, and now would like to post a brief introduction.

I am a 37 year old female attorney. I live in California. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and have been in therapy, twice a week, for just over a year.

My Mother left us when I was 3 years old. My therapist believes that my Mother suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder based upon my descriptions of her. My only sibling, my sister was just a baby. My father started drinking and drugging. I took care of the house, my sister and my father. My father was physically and emotionally abusive. Alcoholic rages were the norm. My sister's therapist believes that he is Bipolar, based upon her descriptions.

My only friend was the friendly neighborhood child molester. In return for my visits, I got food and sometimes money. It started when I was 4 and continued until we moved away. I was 11.

I left home at age 12/13. I lived on the streets with other homeless children. I sold drugs and panhandled. By age 15, I had had enough of the streets. I turned myself in as a runaway and was put into the foster care system. I lived in various placements and foster homes until I was 18.

I entered Community College and then transferred to a 4 year University. Then went to Law School.

My sister and I are very close. I don't have a great deal of friends, only 1 that I feel comfortable sharing with, and that has been a more recent (and wonderful) occurrence.

And that's all I can really think to say except maybe that today is a good day.

Nice to meet all of you!

[veiled]

Sounds as if you have done a great job digging yourself out. I hope you can do the same with PTSD.

[Monarch]

Welcome Candy, I can relate to your story a bit,you will find it good here. When did you really learn you had PTSD?

[candy]

Thanks for the welcome. I am working hard in therapy and do seem to be making some progress. I just hate that it seems I have to feel worse before I get to feel better. Numbing out had always been my coping mechanism. Now that I'm trying to get over that, the emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming.

A couple of months ago I pressed my therapist for a diagnosis. She said PTSD. I don't have flashbacks or any problems with my memory. I do have problems with my startle response, the sense of a foreshortened future, nightmares, an eating disorder and she says that I dissociate although I'm not completely clear on that one. Oh, I also have Hashimoto's hypothyroidism.

I'm still kind of learning and trying to figure out what this all means. But I do really like my therapist. It has taken me a long time to start to trust her and to be able to talk. But I'm getting there.

[anthony]

Hi candy, welcome to the forum. Sounds like you've certainly done it tough, and well done for the fight you have fought in order to succeed where most fail.... well done.

[candy]

Woah!

The title of my "intro" was changed. While I'll agree that the title is now more descriptive, I have to admit that it also makes me uncomfortable.

I don't know... "rejected"? Yes, that's probably true, but somehow seems a little pitiful. Not something I'm comfortable with or was trying to convey.

While "And now a lawyer" just sounds boastful. Not my intention at all. My drive towards an education and career is just an attempt to avoid a social/family life. A coping mechanism. So not really something I'm proud of.

I'm trying to get over it, but it really feels strange reading the new title.

[veiled]

Yeah, mine was a shock to when I first signed on here and it was changed. But every one can say new or hello or first time... I think seeing it for what it is is a good first step in healing. Here if your title is "generic" get used to it being added to and changed. People here will treat you like family and that includes stepping on your toes.

[cookie]

hey, candy. welcome to the forum.

[maja]

Hello, Candy. Partially I can relate to the family dynamics you described. Only, it was my father who was absent a lot and in his late years died of alcoholism, my mother has symptoms of NPD. My mother either emotionally tortured me or used me as an emotional substitute partner. My sister is 8,5 years younger and I cared for her as a child. She is almost the only relative, I have contacts with. None of my other relatives is worth trusting. In my adolescence, due to very traumatic experiences with people, I isolated myself a lot. I have very few contacts, mostly with my partner.

Best regards, Maja

[Audrey_Hepburn]

Nice to meet you.

I relate to your story. I also am about to become a lawyer but the only reason I did it was because no-one would help me with my gang rape, not the police (they refused to interview a key witness who would have corroborated everything I told them), not the church where I was raped (it makes them look bad), nor friends, nor the legal system. So I made myself go through the hell of law school (which is exactly what it was, studying while having PTSD is tough) with only the comfort of one day being able to get justice.

I also was abused since age 5, and suffered one PTSD inducing event afetr another. It's been helpful reading other people's stories here so stick around : )

Take care,
Audrey

[nurse1]

I so new to the forum and posted my intro before reading yours.

Someone that can understand a horrible childhood. Glad to hear your doing great.

Just started seeking help after guitting my nursing carreer. I couldnt handle the stress because this disorder is kicking my butt right now. Glad to hear you say its a good day. Hope it is still good for you.

[pandora]

Welcome the forum.