Gender Now Requirement

[anthony]

For ease of identification, I have included a gender field within user profiles which is compulsary to select. You can simply go into your user profile by clicking http://www.ptsdforum.org/profile.php?do=editprofile to make the selection.

Below all usernames will then have either male or female icon. That solves a lot of confusion often between members.

[batgirl]

Yeah that's a good idea, sometimes I was not sure which gender a person was, or I was surprised when I realized their gender. One thing though, what if a person is transgendered?? I guess they would just pick whichever gender they relate to most. Blah maybe that's a stupid thing to comment on, too picky maybe, but it's my mind because I met someone who was trans while in hospital, and this person considers themself both male and female.

[anthony]

I think your thinking too much about this Evie...

[batgirl]

Yeah I realize that now. Sorry just ignore me...

[Shinigami_Shimai]

I think it is a reasonable question considering a lot of trans do not associate with being male or female, and many end up with Trauma do to their situation. I'm accepting towards trans on my board and have found it becomes interesting because I have a female only section and sometimes have to really think about the situation involving those who do not think of themselves as either gender. It is something that has arrised a lot more recently here in Toronto. I mean I joined a group of lesbians for a "Butch/Femme" gathering and the first question I got asked was "Do you prefer Hy or She?" It really make me question my own gender confusion due to the fact that I'm very boiish and feminine in ways as well. The world is becoming less black and white with every passing day. A neutral gender my be needed in the future for all we know.

Sorry to ramble. Just needed to say something.

Jaa ne

Kat

[becvan]

Okay I'm sorry but a neutral gender? Unless you are born with no parts there is no such thing! Gender does not mean your sexuality. You guys are getting this really mixed up. We do not need to confuse ourselves further with a neutral gender icon. I completely disagree with that.

Also have a "just female" or "just male" section wouldn't be a great idea either. How the heck would we get a good, rounded out input if we all hid behind "gender" doors! Hell most women on here wouldn't associate with the males therefore not getting exposed to healthy, positive male interaction. Never gonna work past those triggers hiding like that!

I completely disagree with both things. Getting a little ridiculous with that.. too much PC for me.

bec

[batgirl]

You guys are getting this really mixed up.

Bec, maybe I am being sensitive and/or misunderstanding and if I am I apologize in advance. I really am stressed right now. But I hope by "you guys" you are not including me, as I resolved this issue within myself over a month ago. It was just a simple question at the time, I often have all kinds of questions and I think too much as Anthony pointed out. Please, I don't want to be included in this discussion, thanks. I just can't handle it right now.

[Shinigami_Shimai]

I only mentioned it because it has become a real issue out here in Canada. They are considering taking gender off birth certificates because gender has become so blurred and the neutral gender does exist and it has nothing to do with sexuality. It is something to do with different levels of transgenderism. But I guess it is something that people are not ready for around here. Sorry to bring it up.

jaa ne

Kat

[batgirl]

Actually for the record I do get what you're saying Kat, and I get what Bec is saying too, you both make good points. I have my own opinion on the matter as well, but I'm loathe to share it because I don't want to be challenged about it. I don't do debates well, especially when I'm stressed, hence why I said I was bowing out. Ok now I am really bowing out, before I put my foot in my mouth. :p

[becvan]

Kat: I happen to live in Canada too. And my opinion, is just that, my opinion. You never know what every one else is going to think so please to lump them all in.
However, gender is just gender. You are either one or the other (except for those rare individuals born with both!) And funny, I happen to disagree with it being a huge issue. But it would become a huge issue of they tried to remove gender! Everything we identify and class, starts out with gender. (not always a good thing! but we do have to start somewhere) If the government were to just remove gender for a PC movement? there would be major lash backs over that.

Evie: you guys: figure of speech! lol have no fears, I'm not lumping anyone anywhere! and no worries, I'm a little off myself too.

bec

[Shinigami_Shimai]

Well, the only reason I brought it up is because I deal with a lot of gender issues on my own forum and many of them end up wish PTSD because of they treatment they receive from society around them. I try to help them with their gender issues, but I can't help them with PTSD and they are too afraid that other groups would reject them for not wishing to be lumped into Male or Female. I was considering telling a few of them here, so thought I'd find out what reaction would be to gender neutral people joining. If they end up having to force themselves into a category it would not be good for them so I don't think this would be the place for them to come.

jaa ne

Kat

[anthony]

Kat, that is correct, being if they would be forced into categorizing themselves here, then here is not for them, no issue about that. I am not a PC friendly person, I am about commonsense though, and gender neutral is not commonsense IMHO, because the actual population born with both gender is so insignificantly small it does not get mentioned nor a requirement anywhere in the world legally speaking. Gay forums can do what they want, but we are not a gay forum, we are about PTSD.

I will not classify this forum to suit minorities, majorities, anything really. The simple requirement to state male or female is for nothing more than so people know what sex the person is because often it can be hard to interpret simply through online chat. I don't care if a female wants to be known as male because their gay, and they hold the male position within a same sex relationship, the simple fact is, if they have a virgina they are female, if they have a penis, they are male, end of categorization.

If a person is born with both, then they simply pick which they feel suits their personality uniquely, and not so much gender itself. I like commonsense... its functional and life works much better with it, compared to political correctness BS. I don't care if a person is male, female, hetrosexual, bi-sexual, gay or had operations and transexual... I don't care, because this forum will not make those discussions a primary topic, as this forum is about PTSD. If people want to primarily focus on gay, hetrosexual, whatever... they find the appropriate forum to discuss those issues and can be whatever they want to be. Here, PTSD, carer or friend of someone with PTSD, (Trauma specialists obviously have a purpose to be here) otherwise I don't want them here because they serve no relevant purpose to the topical conversation here.

[Shinigami_Shimai]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I wasn't suggesting to change this to a gay forum or anything involving gays.

Well, then... I guess I'll bid my farewells... Part of my trauma is gender related and seeing what you have to say involving that makes me not feel welcome here. Could you please delete my trauma diary? I'm sorry to have caused you troubles. I guess I don't belong anywhere after all.

Good bye.

Kat

[Kathy]

Kat, I do understand your hurt by Anthony not agreeing with you, however it is not necessary to be in agreement over everything in order to have a good experience upon this forum. I doubt anyone here is saying your trauma is less important because it is partially gender related. I am not certain if you are yet aware, but one of the philosophies of this forum is that it matters not how one has developed PTSD, and thusly, people are not placed in categories based on the type of trauma endured. My family and I have found this to be a good thing, as Evie's trauma does not really fit a specific category. She would not be here if such categories existed, and that would be a great tragedy for us, considering the benefits the whole family has derived here.

Perhaps you simply need to step back for a while and ponder, before making any drastic decisions. I have noticed you have been on the forum quite a lot considering you are relatively new, and have done some very intense work in your diary. Everyone does require breaks now and then. I know my Evie gets very upset and misunderstands the words and intentions of others if she has been on here too much. A break does her good, and I have a feeling it will do you good as well.

[anthony]

I wasn't suggesting to change this to a gay forum or anything involving gays.
Kat, whilst your not trying to stamp gay on the forum, your attempting to stand out, your attempting to want specific appreciation for a unique component of yourself, your life even. Won't happen here whilst I own this forum. As Kathy stated, this forum does not and will not categorize people. We are about PTSD, not sexes. If you are physically born with a penis and virgina, as I clearly stated, I know you would feel more one or the other, which derives your sex here for simply choosing the male or female icon. This is not rocket science, and this exact requirement to cause a unique stamp upon the forum is what I will not bow. It is scientifically studied and conclusive that all transexuals feel more one or the other. Very simple to me, and I will not make an exclusive club here for any type of categorization outside of PTSD. If your talking mental interpretation, being your born female yet feel male, then you are still a female because you don't have a penis. Simple ha?
Well, then... I guess I'll bid my farewells... Part of my trauma is gender related and seeing what you have to say involving that makes me not feel welcome here. Could you please delete my trauma diary? I'm sorry to have caused you troubles. I guess I don't belong anywhere after all.
As stated in my PM to yourself, I own the information once posted and will not delete it for any member simply becoming upset. I make no secret of this and every member agrees to this by registering and posting here as acknowledgement of our legal disclaimer. No secrets here.

I never stated above that any person is not welcome because of sex. I don't care what sex a person is, gay, straight or bi-sexual, don't care. You either have PTSD, you are a friend or carer of someone with PTSD, your a professional within the PTSD / trauma field. Again, anyone outside that scope is not welcome here. I believe you fit firmly within that scope because you have PTSD, so please stop being a drama queen thanks and desiring special attention for your low self esteem. I deal with this day in, day out, and your low self esteem is nothing new to me nor others here. Its part of PTSD, its part of being emotionally beaten for a duration / entire life.

Now, if you want to heal your PTSD, then maybe stop making an issue from something that is not PTSD related, and get on with healing and learning how to manage PTSD. Your trauma itself has nothing to do with trying to stamp it upon this forum, and your trauma will be dealt with and acknowledged uniquely for you, and not stamped across the forum. Females here who have PTSD from being raped do not get a special little female icon with other symbol to denote they have been raped. Those who got PTSD from serving within the military do not get a little symbol to denote active service history, etc etc etc....

Your trying to use your trauma as a reason here for topic, which is unique to you, and should not be discussed nor even connected to this type of conversation regarding a little gender icon. Lets be honest here, you want to stamp the forum, and that is what I see. You want to stamp "gender neutral" upon the forum, and it won't happen, simple as that. That is like people who get offended by the logo, and have requested I change it. I don't care what others like or dislike about the forum, you joined it, not the forum joined you. Please live with this simple fact.

Again Kat, if you have PTSD, your are a carer or friend of someone with PTSD, or a professional surrounding the field, your welcome here. Simple. Please DO NOT confuse your unique trauma with anything that is "forum wide" here, becaue the two DO NOT go together. Everyones trauma is unique, everyones trauma WILL be treated that way, and every person is / will be given that respect here as deserved. So if your finished with this dead end subject, and you want to heal your PTSD uniquely, you want to learn how to manage your PTSD, then lets cut the gender neutral forum stamping out and get on with doing what this forum does best ha!

[batgirl]

Ugh well I feel like I've indirectly caused this whole incident because of my comment on gender and meeting a trans person in hospital. Maybe if I hadn't said anything none of this would have happened. :wall:

[veiled]

You did nothing, Evie. You asked a question and got a short simple answer that worked for you. All this other stuff is not you.

[anthony]

As veiled said Evie. This topic is a legitimate topic, one which can and should be discussed, however; it is simply veered slightly to be used as a focus in relation to a persons trauma, which should always be kept uniquely from any other aspect of this forum.

I do not base this forum on my trauma, as an instant example, so you don't see camouflage and military all over this forum, which would personalise it to my trauma. Same thing with gender orientation in regard to relating to one's trauma, it won't happen, politically correct or not, won't happen. Trauma remains unique to each person.

The question you raised was done so not in relation to your trauma, and was a question of concern, which was clearly answered. Now however, a person wanting such action because it is related to "their" trauma believes it should occur. No longer is the topic independent of trauma, but not personal for a stamp of personal approval onto the forum. If I allowed that, then I should have removed the logo long ago, maybe stamped some camouflage round, guns to suit others, maybe rapist being strung up and hung to suit others, etc etc....

You did nothing wrong Evie, and I think we all appreciate independent questions and conversation here.

[Shinigami_Shimai]

I'm sorry I caused a fuss... I really wasn't trying to suggest a change, just that Batgirl was right about some people feeling then belonged in a 3rd gender and it might be something to think about later. I didn't think or want it to go this far. I'm sorry. The discussion turned out to be a major trigger for me and I end up defencive in the end. I'm sorry. This was honestly not my intent.

jaa ne

Kat

[anthony]

Kat, I think you found a lot of yourself in our private discussion, and that is already a good start for you. Your not the first, nor will be the last person that comes here thinking they must prove themselves. The simple component of this forum is that nobody has to prove themselves, you are simply accepted for being you. We really are that simple here. Your sexual preference / gender orientation is accepted immediatly, not debated, nor must be proved. You have PTSD and that is what matters. You want support, and as any other, you deserve and warrant it.

It really is that easy here. We just accept, and that is what is promoted here. I am not interested in people wanting to be hateful or disrespectful of others intentionally... though we all do it with PTSD in check, though a simple apology is often done afterwards admitting fault. Hell, we all do that one, especially with PTSD.

Your doing just fine Kat, and now your looking inward your going to begin learning more about yourself faster. Well done.