What Is Your Worst Symptom?

[batgirl]

Just curious what everyone believes to be their worst symptom of PTSD, the one you hate having the most. If you had a choice to remove one symptom completely, which one would you choose? Personally I was diagnosed on the severest end of the scale, so I've experienced all of the symptoms above severely. However, I chose nightmares and sleep disturbances as the worst, because it effects the amount of rest I get and therefore effects everything else. If you choose a symptom I haven't mentioned, please share what it is here if you feel comfortable. I purposely did not include an option of "many different symptoms" because I figured virtually everyone would vote for that option in that case! :p

[kers]

I chose dissociation/depersonalization. I can handle the milder forms, but even then it's quite a bother to feel detached/unemotional or fuzzy when I'm trying to have a conversation or do a "normal" activity. On the worse end of the scale, feeling dead or outside of myself is wretched. This often leads to self-harm, which makes me feel crap as well. I dissociate quite often on a daily basis and it makes my life feel very unconnected and pointless. It also creates quite an obstacle in my healing--I spend a lot of time and energy "mentally leaving" when I need to stop and face things.

I was tempted to check hypervigilance, as it causes quite a bit of anxiety, but I'm learning to self-talk my way through the worst episodes. Similarly, sleep disturbances suck because they kick the rest of my symptoms in, but I've been getting betterr on that front, too, so it's not all the time.

[Claire]

I chose sleep or lack of. For the same reasons as you mention Evie, everything else is worse if I haven't had much sleep or if I've had a bad night, nightmares etc.

[janis362529]

I choose negative thinking low self esteem because that is what feeds my anger. I get jealous of my kids for having a normal childhood so then I get pissed at them over nothing. I am constantly trying to be better because I feel like I am constantly being judged

[Portabella]

Nightmares and Sleep disturbance, Insomnia. When I have nightmares, I get into a terrible cycle of insomnia and it bleeds over into my days making me unbearable and irritable.

[Marlene]

I chose 'another symptom not mentioned' and that symptom is anxiety. That may be a real 'No shit, Sherlock' thing to say since PTSD is the nastiest bitch of all anxiety disorders. But for me all the other symptoms listed don't kick up unless my anxiety has spiked. Then it's basically a free-for-all until I can get my anxiety back under control.

[batgirl]

Oh DUH I should have had anxiety as an option... shit. Sorry. I knew there was something I was leaving out...

[veiled]

For me the hardest to cope with is the panic attacks when I think I am dying. Not like the rest is a picnic, but full blown panic is the hardest. And anxiety with the pitter patter of the heart. That just sucks.

[batgirl]

Damn I really wish I would have included anxiety and panic as a symptom. It's such a major one to have slipped my mind, and I have problems with it too. Oh well too late to change it I guess.

[anthony]

I just added anxiety for you Evie.... issue fixed. Super moderators and above can change polls if required.

[sparta21]

My worse symptom is awful self esteem. I was forever told I was rotten and worthless, and I've internalized it. My deepest depressions come from this. Along with the distorted belief that I'm useless and unlovable. Yep, this one's a bugger for me.

[Miander]

I chose anxiety because it is always here for me. I think it effects every part of me, how I feel, how I relate to people and the world, decisions and choices...I can't think of one thing it doesn't effect, everything else is specific to what's going on that particular moment. Do anxiety attacks lead to panic attacks, or can they happen independantly, at the same time?

[batgirl]

I just added anxiety for you Evie.... issue fixed. Super moderators and above can change polls if required.

Thanks so much Anthony. I don't know why I didn't just request an edit, I guess I didn't realize it was possible.

[veiled]

That is OK I should have known I was able to fix it too but my head has been lodged firmly is my ass of late.

[becvan]

I picked hypervigilance as my worst. I've been mulling over how to explain why for a day or two now. The best I can describe it as is that it never quits. It's 24/7 for over 20 years (at least) and many of my other symptoms are increased from it. Others, like nightmares, I'm just used to and consider it normal. The hypervigilance makes me feel crazy because I KNOW that many times the environment or situation does not warrant my reaction.

Nic will probably explain this better if I made it all jumbled.

bec

[2quilt]

I have to pick just one? I was rated like Batgirl, highest on everything, so I think my worst sitmptom would have to be angrysleepdeprivation.

[Lisa]

Really difficult one to answer, it made me think! I put anxiety as the worst, as that has a direct knock on effect on everything else, and I think generally anxiety is what is around the most for me. Though I was tempted to put nightmares as that is also forever present too. But I can get over nightmares through the day better than I can anxiety which I am having a hard time escaping at the moment. Other than that I was next thinking hypervigilance, that's around most nights for me, and then avoidance, probably my biggest hindrence to recovery....

good poll. Breaks down PTSD into several things I know I need to deal with.

[schenk]

I picked dissociation. Over the past couple of years, the other symptoms have subsided over the past few years, but I'm still pretty cut off the outside world.

[rt1967]

I don't have the words for my worst experience the last maybe 6 months have been able to think better and less pain mixing more again too .I find it hard to break down the experience into processes and to find the words.
Confusion is on the way to understanding (i hope)

[Grama-Herc]

I just found this poll, good one Evie. I chose the agoraphobia since that is the one I feel is almost impossible to overcome. It certainly is the one that affects my life the most. After all, it is the 1 that put me in the hospital and cost me my really good job

[upstream]

Currently from that list the worst I'm dealing with is flashbacks and intrusive memories.

After my last flashback it's like there's this constant sting in my amygdala, been there for a few days but it's going down.

[TDurden1937]

Yo friends . ..

I'm so sorry you have such sad and unpleasant, well, horrible things to endure.

I got to say that right now I am crying because I am so concerned for you all and feel so bad for you. I wish I could just do something, anything to help you all. I don't care what it would be. You all don't deserve this stuff. It was done to you.

And I know how horrible it can be because I've had most all the symptoms mentioned. And they all are so darned horrible, scary and make life so hard.

Well, anyway I'm still crying but I got to say that I voted for anger, rage 'cause after I get done destroying a computer, or putting a hole in a wall, or hitting myself in the face with my fist . . . I've never hurt anyone else and and would die first before I did.

Second, was insomnia. I wanted to vote for that one too 'cause like some of you said, it makes me crazy too. I feel like I am an insane monster when I can't sleep. It makes me feel like I want to kill myself but I can't 'cause its against God, and my son wouldn't like it, and neither would my wife, and I promised my therapist I wouldn't hurt myself, and if there is one thing I'm really good at is keeping my word. Laying down and being so tired I can hardly move yet not being able to sleep. Yet even if I do sleep, I don't feel rested. Happily, I got meds now that get me good sleep.

I got to go I don't want to cry anymore.

Bye, Doug

[Chissi]

I chose anger and depression, because that is what I am feeling most right now, but I have serious sleep deprivation problems and when I am in this cycle I have negative thinking and low self-esteem. I feel like no one likes me or wants me in their lives. I feel a lot of free floating anxiety because when I go home my house needs cleaning and I don't have the energy to get it done! I let things go and then beat myself up mentally because I am letting things go. No energy! No motivation! I just watch the tube and I am a confirmed TV hater!

Chissi