Are You More Open & Honest Driving a Car / a Passenger?

[anthony]

Something interesting that was just recognised between Evie and myself, is that we both become more open and willing to talk emotionally when in a car, either driving or as a passenger. Myself, usually as a passenger because I am relaxed, watching the world go by so to speak.

What about you?

[Marlene]

When I'm driving, it's much easier for me to speak about what's bothering me, open up, etc. I know that one of the reasons is that I don't have to look someone in the eye to do it. Kind of like that it's easier for me to talk to my husband about what's bothering me when we've gone to bed and the lights are out.

Another reason is that when you're in a car with someone, it becomes it's own insulated world. Sometimes it's much easier to talk when the world it locked out.

Lisa

[anthony]

WOW you raise a very interesting distinction there Lisa... the bed and lights out, driving, no eye contact. I must say, you just connected the dots for me. I work constantly on being open with eye contact, but I certainly do find it easier laying down in bed, or as a passenger, maybe because the driver can't look at me during conversation. Interesting...

[Kathy]

Evie will need to speak for herself once she returns of course, however I believe for her it is most likely also the eye contact. She is better at speaking in bed as well, she stares at the ceiling. Thank you for sharing, that was enlightening for me also. I was curious of the reason!

[becvan]

I was thinking about this just the other day! Too funny.

I'm much better as the passenger. Driving takes too much of my focus and I get snappy, so I tend not to talk, but as a passenger, I open right up!

I think it's more than just the eye contact though. I think it also, my back is covered and the other person is occupied, hence I feel safer. Even if the other person freaked out, hehe I'd still have time to get away!

I love going for rides and just talking. I like to stare out the window and watch the world pass me by. Ryan and I have gotten rather close from doing this, as this is our favorite pass time! lol

bec

[anthony]

Me to bec... I concentrate when driving, not chat away. I put it down to why I have never personally had an accident driving, with near 20 years on the road, no car accident as yet, either being hit or hitting another, because my eyes constantly scan for possible accidents, and when I have been involved within them, I escaped damage via quick thinking and driving. I somehow doubt I would have done that if chatting away and distracted.

[goingonhope]

I chose No, not either, bc I'm open and honest in a car as driver or passenger and likewise most anyone else.

I like to particpate in conversations, listen, be heard, and engage in eye contact. Eye-contact, especially, when I am listening is pretty important to me, which makes it sometimes uncomfortable for others, when I am the driver. I'm getting better at focusing on the road while listening and not on others eyes. However I haven't had any accidents in nearly 20yrs. And, I notice that I'm generally always very aware of my surroundings; While driving I respond very quickly if the need arises.

[Jim]

Have always been more apt to speak openly in the car, though I do not have PTSD. Answered yes to both, driving and passenger. However. Should qualify that. Reckon most here are city people. In the city whilst driving I am less talkative, need to concentrate obviously. But most of my driving is in the country, where we live. Thus more relaxed.

Must say though, I find talking easier in general, whilst my hands are busy with other activities. Driving is only one such activity. While doing carpentry, renovating, fishing, gardening and so on, I feel more free to talk.

Jim.

[skyward_falls]

I put yes for both because I have been in the past. Some of the best conversations and silliness can take place in the car.

In past relationships when things were "bad" there was a time when there was a lot of heated discussions in the car, and for some reason when I really lashed out. I think it was because I had been going somewhere (moving forward) with that person when we (as a couple) were stuck. I found it triggering and got angry and well, "had a go at him." - almost anytime we were in the car.

I never really considered using the car as a place to talk about my PTSD with my husband. I don't know if I would now because it would in fact help to get some things out but I wouldn't be getting it all out because I am not sharing a connection - its avoidance. If he doesn't see my face or look into my eyes when I say whatever it is I feel I need to share - then I am not really sharing. It might be a trust issue because by being in the car I'm giving him an excuse to avoid my eyes or be distracted - so he doesn't have to be fully there. If I am driving and talking then I don't have to give him the chance and risk the disappointment and hurt it will bring to see that he isn't fully present to what I am saying.

There have been other topics we've discussed in the car and this tactic didn't work, I got terrified with the driving because he kept looking at me when he was talking because it was serious and he wanted me to know exactly what he was saying. Eventually I just screamed, "Look at the roooooad."


So I guess I use my car time now with him as means to relax and just have a positive conversation, play games (like the ABC game), or dance funny at stoplights to see who will look over at us.

[Marlene]

Funny that some here are more relaxed as the passenger. I’m much more relaxed (and open for conversation) as the driver. As the passenger, I look out the windshield and see, in my mind, all of the possible things that could go wrong. I’m in no mood to chat. I usually read or try to sleep while we’re on the road. I think it’s because as the driver I know that I’m in control of the car and as the passenger I’m just along for the ride.

Lisa

[anthony]

As the passenger, I look out the windshield and see, in my mind, all of the possible things that could go wrong.
Ah yes... this is typically normal though, as the human mind often desires control off itself. Without it, the mind can be lost. Its a conscious state of self reasoning I believe... one which we often must learn to let go off though with PTSD. Normal though... most people in the world struggle with it, and even when you do learn to let go and relinquish control to another with full trust, you still struggle keeping it that way.

You will often find soldiers, police, fire officers, etc, those who work in roles where you build team skills, you build team work to the point were if one fails, you could all die, so your brain learns to rely upon another and trust fully. Still can be challenging at times, and often the weakest link will be the one who cannot let go off that trust, or fails to perform their duty correctly. Sorry, just rambling in thoughts as it comes to me...

[Sean]

My sentiments most closely relate to your view Marlene. I am quite perturbed
by the possible outcomes of others behind the wheel, whether I'm a passenger
or pedestrian. If a passenger in a car, I consider my conversation with the
driver a distraction to their driving. If driving, I trust my ability to converse
and still control the vehicle in emergencies.

Still, one change I have found is that I no longer make a habit of turning up the
radio like I used to. Occasionally, if I have to drive a long distance on a stretch
of country road, it's soothing to have Waterloo Sunset or a little Jim Croce come
up on the playlist (at my "elderly" sort of volume levels), but in city commuting,
now, for me, even the car radio stays off for concentration.

It is as if I feel as though I am unintentionally loading a dangerous weapon by
compromising my driving concentration. As little the chance of danger maybe, I
would greatly regret the thought of accidentally running over some innocent person
(no matter how foolishly they ran across the road in front of me) and having one
tiny reason for doubt/guilt. The radio stays off thank you, and if someone wants
to have a chat, then I'd rather be doing the driving if I want to concentrate on what
they're saying. If they're driving, I'm looking out the window on all sides, and not
interested in the conversation.

The "cone of silence" was always a great place for indepth discussion, although
nowdays, I'd rather park somewhere than expect my friends to multi-task in a
hazardous mobile circumstance. Busses and trains pose no problem to discussion,
generally out of the driver's hearing range, those. Talk up a storm then.

Sean.

[batgirl]

I voted for passenger only. I'm still learning to drive and so I concentrate a lot while driving, and talking is hard. It's interesting though that other people have the same thing with driving, I feel sooo much more comfortable speaking in a car. I think you're right Bec, it's not just the eye contact but having your back covered as well. Good point.

[zoe]

I voted for driving as long as traffic isn't heavy. I'm not a good passenger- I need the control of driving. I can talk better when I'm doing something else - driving, walking, etc. it seems to help me focus my thoughts.

[EmeraldRiver]

If I absolutely have to talk, driving is the ONLY time I do it. I'm in control, I'm calling the shots. And it most definetly helps when you don't have to look at the person you're talking to. Not that I'm shy - I'm kinda aggressive. But nothing pisses me off more than seeing pity in the person's eyes that I'm trying to talk to. So definitely, I like to drive.

[veiled]

Neither for me. I have a strict no talk policy as it distracts and kids lose control of themselves (I never drive without kids in the car). Riding no good either, I am too scared someone is going to drive poorly and am usually scared to death.

[nobody]

driving or being driven in a car make me sick to my stomach if my stomach is empty. When I am driving I am concentrating on the road. It's kind of nerve wrecking sometimes but I've always driven crappy cars so when I get a better one soon it shouldn't be as big of a deal.

[cactus_jack]

I find myself talking to myself, full of anger, about isues that bother me. Not always when someone's with me. There have been a few times I have had flashbacks while driving, and while it doesn't affect my driving, it generally scares the hell out of my passengers!

[mightsurvive]

I am only more open and honest with myself when driving a car but also only when there is noone else in the car. Generally, the only time if have available to be on my own is when driving to and from work and i find it ok to be open and honest with myself but not with others

[Lisa]

I am more open as a passenger... for the reasons marlene outlined I guess. Not as a driver, because im an awful driver and still learning... it would be dangerous if I did anything other than try not to kill someone.

[mouse]

I voted for driving, while I don't really care if I'm driving or the passenger been both many times before. I think that I feel like I'm in control as I drive and that makes it easier to be more open and talk about things maybe because I may not have control over what happened but by driving I can feel grounded. And in a sense safer, I don't know just my opinion.

[She Cat]

Driving, as I need to be in control. Probably because a friend got jollies out of scaring me while he was driving. I just feel more able to talk while driving. I tend to site see, and space out when a passenger.

[cypher]

I put yes for both driver/passenger. To me when driving/passenger I'm not actually looking at the other person in the car with me, theres no eye contact, and I find it easier to be more open when I'm being distracted by something else. It dos'nt have to be driving, it could be working on a car with someone (distracted by doing something else, working on the car, while talking, no eye contact etc..) Situations like these I find that it's easier to be more open. (I'm very quiet though, so most of the time it's up to the other person to start the conversation.) :o)

[Cindy]

This is an interesting question. It is wierd that I am more open in a car in either role.

I agree that it is because of the distraction of the activity and the lack of eye contact. Being able to stare off at something else while digging around in the emotional stuff and issues I face. Maybe it is because it makes the conversation indirect that it puts me at ease and able to open up better.

Maybe this is also why art therapy works so well with me because agian there is another activity going on while I am discussing things.

[FightingLily]

I voted no.

For the most part if I am driving, my children are present. so the conversation is light and age appropriate.
I am not yet comfortable with being a passenger, there is no control.