Developing Online Friendships/What Are Some Do's & Don'ts?

[Marilyn_S]

Growing up I had two very best friends. We were together always. They were always at my house. We didn't care about the rest of the world because we were in our own little worlds. However, when we got in high school that all changed. We grew apart. I became painfully shy and dispite my involvement in academic and extra curricular activities I would on the week end be very withdrawn. At home, where I was abused frequently there were either no interpersonal boundaries or there were very rigid boundaries that were unrealistic and cruel. So, I am wanting to learn more about the development of friendships, especially online friendships. What is appropriate dialogue? What is innapropriate if one is trying to develop new friendships. I am very curious about what others think. I've changed alot since high school. I tend to be very open and forward with people. That is just my style. Your input is welcomed.

[Nicolette]

Marilyn

I believe that there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to treat people in general being both in person and online. Normal respect is essential in any case as in not abusing, swearing, putting people down, respecting boundaries and the list goes on. I am sure as an adult you would be aware of this. I don't think it changes if you are on a different platform like the Internet.

Friendships are a another topic in that it takes two people to have one and both people need to be invested in it. You cannot make someone your friend because you want them to if they don't feel the same way and conversely you cannot push someone to make you their friend. Friendship is a relationship and there are different levels as in, you may have a casual friendship were might catch up on occassion, one which is limited to the Internet, one where you share your private and deepest thought and are inseparable and one where you talk about general casual topics only etc.

A friendship will happen based on chemistry, values, morals, common interests and so on but you may meet thousands of people who also have all of this with you but do not want to share a friendship. Again I state both people have to want a friendship. You will find a lot of people may like you but, for their own personal reasons, do not want to have a continuing relationship with you (a friendship). This is nothing to be offended by, it's just the way it is.

So far in life I have found friendships have developed by themselves with both parties having a mutual respect for each other and then discovering the things you have in common and the things you like about each other. It is generally a natural progression.

My suggestion is if you want to develop online friendships just be yourself, talk to people and see what happens. Reality of life is that not everyone will like you and that's ok as there are others out there who do. Just don't try and force something based on your feelings if the other person is not responding in the same manner as it is usually a good sign that,even though they like you, they do not want to have a friendship with you. All you can do is try but stop if the signs say to!

[anthony]

Marilyn, I believe your thinking about this a little too much.

[Marilyn_S]

Nicolette, thank you for your kindness. Bless you.

[Marilyn_S]

My main problem is I have serious boundary issues. I'm a boundary idiot!

[StarHawk]

My main problem is I have serious boundary issues. I'm a boundary idiot!

You just go with what 'feels right', I guess? Don't worry so much. I have a few on-line friends I've known for five years or more! I'd be more then happy to chat with you and develop a friendship and Internet pen pals through e-mail or AIM. :3

[Portabella]

Marilyn, I believe true friendships can be established on line just like anywhere else, but just be a little more careful as you are not always certain at first that the person is who they say they are. Like with any friendship it takes ...time...cultivating....and caring and then you can slowly trust. I consider you a friend for sure and trust you....that takes alot with me.

On a side note, I cannot PM you as you are not allowed PM's yet...so I cannot reply on here to your PM. I am doing better than when we chatted the other night, so no worries. I however am very ill right now with a flu like condition and am in bed the majority of the day trying to get better. Love ya Friend.....T.

[Marilyn_S]

Starhawk, as I can't PM you I can't give you my email because I believe it unsafe to post it in public domain. However, I would love to get to know you better. I believe, IMHO, that the development of friendships is a very inportant part of healing and I guess I need alot of healing since I've been told I'm a very sick person, LOL! I'm not sick, just a little crazy! Hee Hee. If and when I get my PM privelege back, I'll PM you with my email. Thanks for being such a sweetie!

T, You doll you! I wasn't going to come back on the forum as I'm not a glutton for punishment, but dog gone it, I saw this post and had to respond. Your a true friend and I love ya. Praying you get to feeling better. Love, Marilyn

[Marilyn_S]

Ok, I'll try this again.

Starhawk, would love to get to know you better and develop a friendship. When I get my PM previledge back I'll PM you with my email.

T, You doll you, I'm praying ya get better. Love ya, Marilyn

[Andre]

Hello again Marilyn. Its been a while. Back from my trip. A lot happened and I need some help. I want to talk with you. You know my private e-mail, and if it does not work there is the public one on my account v-card.

[rt1967]

Marilyn,
Thanks for your message .I like open and forward style its good to be able to be curious too it helps i think :-).I am remembering right now something i have been told is that a lot of the abuse happened at home for me too.
I don't know that i know much how to be a friend yet and my experiences keep changing.I'm curious though :-).I like how you want to try out new things.
Ruth