Don't Know What To Do - Still Haunted by Training Accident

[writer109]

Hello,

I'm a former Marine. I never saw combat but one man was killed and another wounded in a training accident. This has haunted me since 1986. It never bothered me until the last few years. A 40mm round from a M-203 went off inside the chamber in front of me and one guy was killed and the other was wounded. I changed positions before the firing and the guy in front was killed. Now, I just can't get it out of my mind. It's driving me crazy. Should I just put it aside or what? I now feel like I should have been the guy. I feel so much guilt. Why, after so many years, is this bothering me? I'm always mad, easily upset, and drinking more. I've attempted to see a therapist but they could not see me for 3-5 months. Therefore, maybe they don't see a problem so I didn't pursue seeing anybody. Well, maybe I'm just blowing off stream. I just don't know. I'm not a combat vet but often wish that I was killed in combat. I'm confused.

[becvan]

Welcome to the forum, Writer.

bec

[mouse]

welcome writer and I am glad your here with us sounds like a lot of survivor guilt, I hope you can feel comfortable here and know that there is lots of good advice to be had here.

-Amber

[writer109]

Thank you:smile:

[Marlene]

Welcome to the forum.

Lisa

[vst]

Welcome Writer.

vst

[Claire]

Hello and welcome, I think if you want to see a therapist you should pursue it. I know its a long time to wait but the wait itself can not reflect how serious they consider you or your problem. Its important you stand firm and try and get the help you need. In the meantime there's loads of stuff on here to start reading.

Good luck
Claire

[nie]

:hello: Welcome Writer

[anthony]

Hi writer, welcome to the forum. What you feel is typical, is normal....

[Dracanon]

Hi, I am a former marine. Hang in there devil dog. Don't let it get to you, I was a 0311 marine, but I volunteered to go to Washington D.C. when I was in bootcamp, and I became a honorguardsman instead. I was there was 9/11 happened, and I watched the pentagon burn, I was only twenty years old. I am married now, and have a beautiful daughter. And because of that, and living there, I came home a different, but better person. There's times devil dog that I wished I hadn't volunteered to D.C., and had stayed in the regular line units, and had seen action in the middle east. I know it sounds retarded, but there's nobody who cares about 9/11 anymore, and I feel alone, because there's probably not anyone within a hundred plus miles who could relate to my story without blank stares, etc. Don't worry, your not the only one in pain.... Semper Fi

Zachary

[empowered]

Welcome to the forum :hello:

[sally]

hi
hang in there I know what it's like to be standing next to someone when he was shot in the face the weight of his body took me to the ground too. you can let this eat you up or get the help you'll need. everything takes time.
sally

[vee_dog]

Hi Writer and welcome. Keep looking for a therapist. There are more out there. Be as patient as possible.

[anthony]

I never saw combat but one man was killed and another wounded in a training accident.
Hi Marine, welcome to the forum.

You don't need to be a veteran to get PTSD, you only have to witness exactly what you witnessed, hence why your having these issues now.
I changed positions before the firing and the guy in front was killed.
And here lay the problem in your mind, correct? You changed positions and now believe it should have been you who died? Or you wonder why him and not also you?

Death is not something we choose, it is something completely out of our control. We can wonder why not us, though all you achieve from that is mental torment and guilt. You feel guilty for living basically speaking. Why?

[Marine0311]

Brother Marine I hope you get the help you need.

Semper Fi

[lrs]

I am gratefull to both of you for your service to our country.