New to Forum - Lifelong PTSD

[yaya17]

i guess i feel really stupid for posting this, i never thought i would. but i've become so frustrated with trying to explain my moods and my dissociation to the people i love, because they just don't get it. i feel "fake" when i do the right things, as though i'm a fraud. and i guess i'm just looking for other people who feel the same way and who are just as scared as i am......

[hodge]

Welcome to the forum, Yaya17.

[goingonhope]

i feel "fake" when i do the right things, as though i'm a fraud. and i guess i'm just looking for other people who feel the same way and who are just as scared as i am......

Hi yaya, Welcome to the forum and nice to read your introd. I too have had PTSD for a very, very long time, though I'm not sure when exactly it developed.

Quoted what I did above bc, it reminds me so of that feeling of feeling/being disconnected with myself, and all that identity confusion that I've suffered along the way, first throughout much abuse and then later again as I attempted to sort through it all and locate me amongst the rubble.

In the last yr. I've again found and reconnected (ing) with myself, feel dynamite about all this and I'm accepting the me that I've found. In fact, I'm not the unfeeling, fearless stone that I would've liked others to think I was, far from it; Rather quite to the contrary.

Anyhow, this is about welcoming you, and quite frankly the reason I've shared me here with you is bc, I do identify with living so much of life suffering with PTSD.

For me this meant not knowing it and blaming myself for others not understanding. Also, always feeling alone, riddled with guilt-(mine and others) and so deeply ashamed.

There are many of us on the forum who are just as scared as you're.

I'm finding the more and more I allow for, accept my many fears, and respond despite it all, the better my chances are and I am moving beyond so much of it.

And, as for painfully, often debilitating, real fear, it can and does drop away. It does not have to remain perm., as it had felt for me and for too damn' long.

So, now I get to feel stupid for posting this. Truly unsure and thinking I'm foolish for the moment, but not much of a problem.

Oh' well, just thought I'd welcome you ya ya to the forum and let you know you're not alone.

Again, Glad you found the forum, and Welcome! :hello:


Hope

[nie]

:hello: Welcome Yaya17

[anthony]

Hi, welcome to the forum.

[vst]

Hi YaYa,

Welcome to the forum. In time you will begin to find the real you and it is a wonderful journey. And yes, we are all scared, but as you heal the fear becomes a bit more tolerable.

Hugs,

vst

[rt1967]

Hi Yaya,
Thanks for your post and hi ,i think trying to explain is being really authentic.I find it hard to explain and understand too and people who don't have the same kinds of experiences find it hard to understand because its not happening to them.I think its really great here hope it helps you loads.Good luck to you.
Ruth

[splost76]

Just wanted to say hello Yaya, and welcome to the forum!
splost

[becvan]

Welcome to the forum!

bec